The older I get, the more younger moms ask me for advice. I get it- my girls are phenomenal people. But anything good in or from my life is all because of Jesus. If you’re looking for professional answers, guaranteed next steps, or theological profundity, you will not find that here. As I got ready to send my oldest daughter off to college, I felt the walls crashing down. The inside of my mind and emotions felt like footage of an earthquake toppling buildings. No defense mechanism or method of preparedness, no prayers, no matter how powerful, could shield me from the reality of separating from her. This is the farthest apart we have ever been for the longest amount of time in her entire life. As I flew my daughter thousands of miles from our small hometown, I read this…“It takes trust to let go, to cease striving.” (“What Grows in Weary Lands,” by Tish Harrison Warren.)
How Do You Let Go When Your Child Leaves for College?
You let go when your child leaves for college by trusting the foundation God has built, giving them room to grow, honoring your emotions, staying connected in healthy ways, and clinging to Christ for your own strength. My friends checked in on me, encouraged me, and reminded me that I was strong. Any strength I appear to have is infused from the Holy Spirit. If you know God, you know He meets us where we are at. He is faithful to uphold his promise that if we seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him. In Him, we find comfort and refuge when things get hard and feel heavy. I found Him, and that comfort and refuge throughout my daily quiet time as the days with my daughter grew shorter, and I began praying pieces of particular verses from the Book of Psalms.
May the meditation of my heart, the words from my mouth, and all my thoughts be pleasing to you, my Rock, Redeemer, Salvation, Savior, and Refuge, in whom I find protection, a safe place where no enemy can find me. All victory and honor, glory and grace, are yours, my Sun and my Shield, in whom I trust at all times, and pour my heart out to. You withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
This prayer kept me from unraveling completely as my girl said goodbye to her friends, extended family, best friend, sister, then her dad and me. He upheld me with just enough strength to collapse into Him as my insides folded like a house of cards. I felt the crumbling coming a week before that flight lifted off the ground, the back of her sweet curly head craned to look out the window as if she was still five years old on her first plane ride. We shared a highlighter on the flight there, my oldest daughter and I, marking our books - she adding notes to a Dickens classic to her photographic memory, and I in my struggle to pay attention to what I was reading about Psalm 46:1.
“Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted about the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
These five healthy ways to let go when your child leaves for college come from 47 years of life, 18 years of motherhood, two daughters I love deeply, and the daily practice of leaning on Jesus for survival. The pain and difficulty of the moment I am writing this in testify to that supernatural leaning. The way we walk through hard things can be a badge of thriving, or it can take us out at the knees. I learned a lot about resilience as I walked through letting her go. The word popped up everywhere, from the book I picked up on the plane, to my daily quiet time, throughout informative sessions for parents, and even the university president’s welcome to the incoming freshman class of 2030.
I’m not a theologian, but getting things right is important to me. Instead of searching for Scriptures on this topic, I paid attention to the ones God gave me as I dropped off my girl this week, across the country, and went back home. These are simply the Scriptures that popped up in the pages of the devotional book I ripped the travel dates out of to take with me on the journey. The only reason I’m writing this summary at all is due to a canceled flight. Letting go of a college child does not mean loving them less. It means trusting that the same God who helped you raise them will continue to lead, protect, comfort, and grow them when you are no longer close enough to manage every moment.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Peter Amende
1. Lean On the Firm Foundation You Have Already Established
How to Say Hard Goodbyes
August 9th, The Day I Left Home to Take My Daughter to College.
Click Here to Read Jeremiah 10: 2-8; 11-15
Jeremiah had a difficult job to do. It was important that he remembered who God was and what His Word says is true. God’s people were immersed in distraction, which has almost become an idol in our age. We aren’t just easily distracted; we actually crave distraction. Never has it ever been more important to keep the main thing the main thing. Sending a kid to college and experiencing how fast time winds down, I pontificated on the importance of choosing my words wisely with the time I had left before she left. No, she’s not leaving forever, but she’s gone now. Gone from everyday popping into my office and my room, interrupting everything I’m doing all the time, whistling or humming a tune…leaving me no personal space.
My daughter started to get touchy about how the goodbyes and the lasts were going, and so did I. There are two things I kept repeating, to myself and to her. The first was that I had no regrets. I can look back and know that I maximized the time we had together over the last 18 years. I didn’t demand my way. I trusted God with all of it. I leaned on Him for life, direction, purpose, and wisdom. I prayed while the parental lectures were happening, “Give me the right words, God,” and I asked for my daughters' forgiveness when I lost patience, made mistakes, or messed things up for them. We skipped school for amusement park days annually, packed every summer day, and logged a lot of hours on the lake and miles taking road trips. The word count exchanged between us is insurmountable. Remembering how full of life the years have been has helped me focus on being grateful rather than dreading the end and cramming in “lasts.”
Next, I comforted her (and myself) with this: “Goodbyes rarely look, feel, or go the way we want or plan for them to. They hurt, and they are hard. Put no pressure on yourself, and feel it fully, because it will help you process it in a healthy way. The notes from my NLT Life Application Bible for this passage in Jeremiah read: “God, who promises to guide you, knows your future and will be with you all the way. He may not reveal your future to you, but he will walk with you as the future unfolds. Don’t trust the stars; trust the one who made the stars …”
God reminded Jeremiah, who reminded God’s people …and us today - not to be distracted. Don’t settle for doom-scrolling that allows you to detach from what’s happening around you when what’s happening around you is formative and important.
Remember Why They Are Leaving
Click to read Psalm 135:13-21.
To do the work God has for each of us, we have to set our focus on Him. When we choose to pursue the dreams God has placed in our hearts, He will strengthen us to endure the hard work required to get there. When we work hard with the talents and gifts He’s built into the core of who we are, we unlock our unique potential and purpose. The NLT Life Application Bible notes on Psalm 135:13-21 read: “Honor the Lord by the quality of your work and the attitude of service you bring to it.”
There isn’t time, by the time they are 18, to review the whole script, let alone add much more to it. In this season, I had to trust that the daily rhythm of leaning on Jesus I built into my life was enough to equip me to be the best mom to the girls He gave me to raise. Jesus is a normal conversation in our house. In the last days I had my daughter under my roof, I chose to shift to “remember when …” or “you know this” conversations to build on and build her confidence in the solid foundation she will now take with her.
I'm going to flash-forward to show you how this brought me comfort before we left her, thousands of miles away. “I brought this one, too, mom,” she said as she pulled a Bible off the shelf in her dorm room, “because my leaders wrote messages in it, highlighted verses, and prayed over it.” That community is one she prayed for earnestly, leaned on heavily, and cherished gratefully. She will run to it when it’s hard, because she has seen all of the people around her and ahead of her doing the same thing. The community that formed around her over the last 18 years is a firm foundation that doesn’t need to be in close proximity to continue operating efficiently.
Rest in what has already been established, far beyond what we can do individually as parents. It’s all part of the way the Lord cares for those who are His own. My girls know that they are covered, even when it doesn’t feel like it. That trust will allow them to soar for the glory of the Lord.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/XiXinXing
2. Start Letting Go before They Leave
Rest Prepares Us to Let Go
August 10th, The Day I Moved My Daughter into College
Click here to read Jeremiah 17:21-25
Sabbath, quieting the clamor of life to get quiet with God, is especially important in draining moments of transition. Jesus did it. We should follow His lead. The note on the Scripture above in my NLT Bible says: “Honoring the Sabbath is still an abiding principle; not only is it an act of obedience to God, but it is also spiritually and physically beneficial to us.” I needed extra time to rest with God before sending my daughter off to college, so I could follow his lead in letting her go.
Parenting is a delicate balance of letting go and holding our children accountable. Boundaries are important indicators of what is safe. There is no human alive who is completely compliant, who doesn’t ask questions, have doubts, and test limits. We wouldn’t know what they should be if we didn’t live life enough to find out. As parents, we set boundaries with clear consequences, and then it’s time to let go. Though we have wisdom to offer that can help prevent our kids from making bad decisions and facing painful consequences, our kids don't always want to hear what we have to say. Sometimes, they learn from choosing to step outside the lines. We can’t always print out a new coloring page for them to start over. It’s hard to let our kids learn hard things, make really damaging mistakes, and look fear in the face on their own.
Taking time with God helped me avoid complete depletion. Over the years, I needed to remember and find rest in the boundaries that have been set in place and the roots that have grown deep. The more time I spend with God, the better I get at letting go.
Looking Back Reminds Us to Move Forward
Click here to read Mark 2:23-28
Resisting the temptation to micromanage our kids' lives is difficult. Letting go begins as soon as we realize they are their own people and God’s first. When we get quiet enough to listen to our Father, He is faithful to show us our place in life. It develops over time and moment by moment; a million minutes create a lifetime of memories to look back on and a kid who is ready to fly off on their own. Not because they or we know everything, but because they have developed resilience to navigate mistakes, consequences, process regrets, make U-turns, try again, keep going, and face fear as they seek Him. The Notes from my NLT Bible on Mark 2:23-28 read: “God created the Sabbath for our benefit; we are restored both physically and spiritually when we take time to rest and focus on God …Jesus understood that the intent of God’s law is to promote love for God and others.”
Start letting go before it’s time for them to leave. I have seen this mature into something beautiful and missional in my kids as they interact with their peers. They don’t feel the need to control them. They understand everyone is a beautiful creation of God, and they feel free to let go and love the people in their lives. They know how to be compassionate when a friend makes a mistake because they relate. They are generally and genuinely not judgmental of people they don’t understand or agree with - they take it at face value and see it as an opportunity for an intriguing conversation.
Children are often more capable than we give them credit for. I laid out the boundaries clearly, the consequences appropriately, and loved them the same, whether they chose to follow the guidelines or walk through the consequences. That has made all the difference. It always feels a little bit like FOMO. We can save them from so much pain and redirection. But we should be so discerning about when we let go and when we jump in. More of Him, less of me. Rest in Him. Rest with God refuels us when the emotional cost of letting go feels higher than we can afford.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/ YinYang
3. Remind Them They Are Capable of Chasing God-Given Dreams
Embrace God's Purpose for Your Child's Life
August 11th, My Daughter's First Full Day On Campus without Me
Click Here to Read Jeremiah 22:1-7
“Work hard. Have fun. Chase your dreams.” I’ve added “Glory up” to it over the years, whether it was competition dance, a mission trip, a tryout, a college class, a race, or just going out into the day … this saying is everywhere and, hopefully, etched on my daughters’ minds forever. I believe God puts dreams in our hearts and on our minds for a reason. But I also believe that we have to put in the work to earn the right to realistically dream them. The notes on Jeremiah 22:1-7 in my NLT Life Application Bible say: “Doing what is right requires more than simply believing all the right doctrines about God. It means living in alignment with God’s desires." We can be great people, but if we don’t live in a way that reflects what we believe, we’re just tossing pixie dust into the air. Working hard and doing the right thing is important because of who we follow and what God says. Proverbs 3:11-12 says,
“My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.”
Discipline is the reason people tend to avoid the right thing or shortcut it. It’s hard work. But the funny thing is- life is going to be hard. Why not work hard at your dream? At what you love? What have you been gifted to do and are passionate about? All of those things are clues that lead us to God's purpose for our lives. The notes on Proverbs 3:11-12 in my NLT Life Application Bible read: “God knows that for us to become people of spiritual strength and integrity, we must discern between good and evil. His loving discipline enables us to do just that.”
Continue to Encourage Your Child to Dream
Discipline isn’t just punishment; it’s also hard work. It’s not just things happening to us, it’s development - it’s choosing to follow the path God has put in front of us and walk into the purpose we were born to pursue. Resilience and discipline are being woven into the fabric of our children's lives from the very beginning. I was very intentional in encouraging my daughters to dream their big dreams. No matter what they were, I didn’t discount them. Who am I to say what God’s plans are for them? I don’t know, but allowing them to dream along the way gave us clues.
“There were early signs…” my older daughter joked as we put her graduation photo boards together. Her love for the water and the ocean runs deep and started young. “MOM, I DID IT. I GOT IN” will ring in my ears forever. Dreams are important. They can drive us to resilience! To work so hard and pray for such clarity and discernment …and sometimes, we get to watch God blow us away! Before her grad party, my daughter received a letter she had written to her Senior self in 8th grade … and in it, she dreamed of attending the university she now calls home. A healthy way to let go of our kids is to keep reminding them how capable they are, when they lean on the Lord, keep their priorities in line, grind when it’s time to, and be grateful when it’s just pure joy.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Drazen Zigic
4. Remember That Distance Does Not Break Your Bond
Life Is Hard ...but Life Is Good.
August 13th, The Day We Went Home without My Daughter
Click here to read Jeremiah 29: 10-14
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
This passage contains my deceased Father-in-Law’s life verse. He was special to all of us, and he made sure we all knew this was his life verse and why. He told the story of how he met my Mother-in-Law, and he talked about my oldest daughter and her older cousin having to live with Type 1 Diabetes with tears in his eyes … "Life is hard …but life is good.” This verse is like a blanket for my family. It’s a comfort like the one my daughters feel when they clutch the blankets they have had since they were born. It’s familiar and safe. We use it to wipe away our tears and hug tight when life is really hard, like when we're thousands of miles apart and missing each other. This, my devotional Scripture on the day I flew back home and left my daughter thousands of miles away, was an incredible hug of comfort from God. My NLT Life Application Bible Notes read: “Everyone is encouraged by leaders who stir us to move ahead, who believe we can do the tasks they have given us, and who will be with us all the way …”
Motherhood is an unbreakable bond. We need God to pull us out of the center. Letting our children go reminds us it’s not about us. It’s about His plan for their lives …to bring glory to Him. That takes the edge off the emotion. We don’t have to carry it. It’s all his. We just have to focus on today and trust that this new normal is just as important and full of joy as the previous one.
Letting Go Allows Them to Fly
Click here to read Romans 8:26-30
“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” - Romans 8:26
This is a tricky one, right? My oldest was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 13. It’s hard …all the time …there are no breaks. She’s navigating a new life at college … and that. It’s always stacked on top of life, and it makes things very difficult sometimes. The morning she was diagnosed, an eagle flew past our backyard while I braided her hair. They are around, and we see them frequently, but never that close to the house. Later that day, sitting in the ER, we felt the Lord reminding us that He goes before us. He knew before we did what that day would bring.
On the flight to take her to college, an eagle was painted on the wing of our plane … an eagle.
“I love that it’s an eagle,” she said. It’s about to get really hard. The academic rigor and challenges of being so far from home will become difficult at times. It was a reminder. He goes before her. There will be hard things, but there will also be a lot of fun, a brand-new life, and a community she will carry with her forever as she becomes the girl God designed her to be. The NLT Life Application Bible notes on Romans 8:26-30 read: “As a believer, you are not left to your own resources to cope with problems. Even when you don’t know the right words to pray, the Holy Spirit prays with and for you, and God answers.”
God is purposeful. I will miss my oldest daughter living at home… but I have lived enough to know the next phase of parenting will be just as full. I trust in a God who has good plans for our lives. He is the author of miracles and our dreams. Nothing can break the bond we have with Him. My youngest daughter stayed at home as we traveled to drop her big sis off at college, and I left her a note on the Bible I had been carrying around, highlighting, noting, and sticking for years … "if you need to feel close to Momma, there’s no better place to find me but here.” When we run to Jesus, we find each other. And that’s what makes our bond unbreakable.
Let go. Wait. And watch in wonder at what happens next. Trust in the work that’s already been done and the lessons that have been taught. Let it settle. Settle in. And get busy doing what the Lord has for you to do right now. We have other jobs to do besides being moms. Hard to believe. None may be as important, but we were never meant to sit idle. We were meant to bring glory to God.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Galina Zhigalova
5. Put Your Own Lifejacket On
Where Do We Find the Strength to Drop Our Kids Off at College?
Life in the First Seven Days after Dropping My Daughter Off at College
“MOM …” After an entire day at the airport, pivoting after my flight had been canceled, as I walked out of the gate and through the airport to catch a ride home, my oldest daughter called on FaceTime. She wanted to tell me all about her devotional time with God and how He had come alongside her in what she was dealing with. As her sweet voice filled me in on the last 24 hours of her life, the heaviness in my momma-heart lifted. The distance between us didn’t feel far. Her sweet curls and cackling laughter embraced me through that screen as I entered the last leg of a very long travel day. Jeremiah 31:33 says,
“I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
His word written on my heart is a lifejacket. For me, this lifejacket is the Word of God made alive by the Spirit of God, holding me up when motherhood feels like water too deep for me to stand in. When it’s loose and unbuckled, it still serves some purpose, but when it’s buckled and secure, it feels like a hug. Matthew 26:26-29 reads:
While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”
Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”
Jesus is our lifejacket. He is the Living Word of God. It is through Him alone that we find the security and safety of our salvation.
I took three pages of notes during the Sunday sermon after I got back from dropping my kid off halfway across the country. I took all of those notes because each passage felt like a bandaid to something hurting …in my mind, on my heart, my physical exhaustion. Matthew 18:10 says, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.” The note in my NLT Life Application Bible reads: “This verse provides reassurance for parents. We must remember that angels administer God’s care ...God uses them to care for those we love, including our children.” Scripture reminds us that God commands His angels and actively cares for His people, but our hope is not in angels themselves. Our hope is in the God who sends, sustains, protects, and holds us.
“For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.” – Psalm 91:11
The Security of God's Word in Times of Transition
Jeremiah 51:15 says, “He made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.” The note in my NLT Life Application Bible says: “Some people think that the Lord created the world and then set it off to run on its own, just watching to see what might happen. But this verse shows that the LORD not only created the earth but also sustains it. ...Nothing happens that he doesn’t see and allow.”
In a season when I am searching for God to show me my role as a parent, I feel Him leading me. As I finish this piece, my youngest daughter is getting ready to cheer in her first Varsity Game under Friday Night Lights. (yep, we capitalize that in this town.) It’s not just her first game as a Varsity Cheerleader; she will carry on the tradition of running the “P” flag out on the field before kickoff as the football team busts through a giant poster that says something about how they will win the game, and the marching band plays their fight song. The 'P' is the first letter in her school’s name, and carrying it is a tradition her big sister started. But it’s not the only tradition she’s carrying on. She has watched her sister work hard to follow God’s call on her life, and now it’s her turn to chase the dreams God has written on hers.
Letting go of our college kids is a hard and heavy page to turn, but we still have a lot of work left to do. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am a distance runner, and it seems I am always icing something painful or rehabbing an injury. Parenting hurts in places I don’t know how to rehab. I can’t put an icepack on this pain. I lean on Jesus for dear life, daily.
What Is a Parent's Place in Their College Kid's Life?
Colossians 1:17 says, “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Jesus has authority over all. He was present at creation and has authority over all creation. I am not sustaining any of this, so I can remove the pressure to keep it all together and trade it for a bright orange lifejacket that proclaims …”I am clinging to Jesus for life.” Romans 8:24-25, in the NLT translation, reads:
“We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope* for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.”
We embrace salvation in Christ immediately upon accepting Him as our Savior. From that point on, we wait …patiently and confidently …for the eternal part of our salvation. The NLT Life Application Bible notes read, “we still look ahead with hope and trust toward the complete transformation that lies beyond this life, when we will be made like Christ.” In my bible, there is a star after ‘hope’ in verse 24. The explanation: “Some manuscripts read ‘wait.’” Waiting is a hopeful posture. Hope is waiting patiently.
Do you see how God has helped me zoom out on my current status? That is the beauty of the Holy Spirit living in us who have embraced Jesus as our Savior. This is how we are able to see from a perspective that is not our own. When I remove myself from the center of the stage, I move from feeling paralyzed to praise. In Acts 17:28 – Paul was preaching in Athens: "For in him we live and move and exist.” Amen and glory up. In Jesus, I live and move and exist. I lean on Him for life.
Letting go of our college kids in a healthy way is like jumping into a bottomless body of water with a life jacket on. People ask me for parenting advice, and I get why – my daughters are really cool people – but they are not perfect, it’s been very hard, and any kind of advice I have to give is something God taught me, showed me, led me through, or allowed me to be a part of. I still have a very long way to go in my parenting journey, and assuredly a lot to learn. I'm honored and humbled to share anything God has put in my path to help me along the way. God bless, and glory up.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Paperkites
Originally published Tuesday, 25 August 2026.
