Our inner critic once sabotages our confidence, productivity, and relationships. Still, through spiritual insight, self-reflection, and truth-based practices, we can learn to quiet negative self-talk and live more fully in alignment with our God-given identity and values.
Early in my writing career, while receiving one rejection after another, I began to realize how I acted as my most significant limiting factor. More specifically, I started recognizing how my inner critic sabotaged my productivity and goals. When unchecked, we all have negative self-talk that can shatter our confidence, hinder our dreams, and create unnecessary tension in our relationships.
Here are six ways to quiet our unhelpful mental chatter, embrace all Christ has for us, and more fully experience the vibrant life He calls us to.
1. Recognize Our Inner Critic’s Impact
Most, if not all, of us have probably heard messages telling us to “take our thoughts captive” so often, we’ve begun to tune them out. We might recognize the value of anchoring our minds in truth, but in our failed attempts to live this out, we disregard the biblical advice. Or, we might become so accustomed to the inner chatter that we accept it as an unavoidable reality. Then some don’t even recognize how their unintended and perhaps subconscious actions result in self-sabotage.
I’ve experienced each of those scenarios, and for a time, remained stuck in unhealthy reactions triggered by toxic thoughts and a skewed perception. This was especially true early in my marriage when I struggled to trust my husband’s heart. Frequently mentally and emotionally exhausted from a hostile work environment, he’d come home and “numb out” to television. But my inner critic, driven by shame, took his disengagement as a lack of love, proving that I was unlovable. This triggered my fight-or-flight response, which caused me to behave in ways that pushed him away, further reinforcing my self-condemnation.
My inner critic has also negatively impacted my goals by causing me to doubt my decisions, become defensive when offered constructive feedback, lose hours of productivity through fear-based procrastination, or overcommit to prove my value. The more I became aware of these behaviors and their source, the greater my motivation to anchor my thoughts not in insecurities and shame but in truth.
2. Investigate its Roots and Triggers
According to mental health professionals, our inner critic emerges during childhood to keep us physically and/or emotionally safe. For some, this occurs when they internalize criticism experienced from a harsh parent, coach, teacher, or other adult involved in their life.
For example, as a kid, I often got into trouble for talking. Granted, I can understand why when considering the classroom disruption caused by my frequent yapping. As a mom, I can also appreciate how tiring it might feel to raise a constantly chattering child. Unfortunately, my younger, developing self came to view my untrained gift of communication as an innate flaw. I might never have accepted the call to speak and write if not for Christ's persistent nudges.
Early in my faith journey, I tried to suppress my negative self-talk, but this led to a surface-level and short-term solution. I’m now learning the transformative value of investigating my internal world and seeking God’s perspective. I’ve found it helpful to pray Psalm 139:23-24, which reads:
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting (NIV).
3. Investigate its Purpose
In a “Best of You” podcast episode that dropped in 2023, the host, Dr. Allison Cook, stated, “… in the best case scenario, sometimes the inner critic is just a voice we’ve inherited from the past. It’s just a bad habit. But sometimes a part of us thinks it’s helping by keeping us on the straight and narrow.” (Catch my conversation with her on the Faith Over Fear podcast HERE.)
Once we understand our inner critic’s motivation, we can better view him or her with compassion and acceptance, rather than shame and condemnation. This, in turn, helps us channel her efforts into more positive and helpful responses. Dr. Cook stated, “Self-acceptance is actually the soil in which the Holy Spirit brings healing, not self-condemnation.”
When we view ourselves with compassion, shame loses its foothold and allows us to receive Christ’s healing more freely. His truth and grace illuminate and transform the wounded, shadowed places in our souls for as Psalm 34:5 states:
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame (NIV).
4. Examine Your Inner Chatter’s Validity
Often referred to by cognitive behavioral therapists as “putting your thoughts on trial,” this practice involves evaluating evidence for and against a particular perspective or belief. For example, perhaps a friend hasn’t responded to a text you sent days prior. Your inner critic, rooted in shame, might conclude that the other person is upset or annoyed with you or doesn’t truly care for you. Acting as an attorney, you might be able to offer additional proof for this position that, unchallenged, leads to a sense of certainty. For many of us, such interpretations often snowball into obsessing over our weaknesses, flaws, and past rejections.
Therapists encourage us to challenge these views using Socratic questions, such as, “Is my determination based more on facts or emotions?” and “What evidence have I witnessed to suggest otherwise?” Considering the situation and relationship more fully, you might recall moments when your friend expressed affection or a desire to connect. Perhaps you’ll also remember that this is a stressful or busy season for them, which could limit the time they spend checking and replying to messages.
5. Reflect on Relevant Truth
Once we’ve thoroughly processed our feelings and interpretations, and purged what is false, we’re better able to “take every thought captive to make it obedience to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). For example, if we feel rejected or insufficient, we might prayerfully reflect on Ephesians 1, which tells us we’re chosen, loved, forgiven, adopted into an eternal family, and lavished with grace.
When I’m battling regret over past actions or reactions, I meditate on Philippians 1:6, which states,
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (NIV).
This reminds me that I’m in a process of transformation, which in turn helps me view today’s weaknesses and failures with hopeful grace. Thanks to Jesus and His Spirit at work within me, no matter where I am today, I can behave more like Christ and experience healthier relationships tomorrow.
6. Choose to Live According to Your Identity and Values
Have you ever struggled to embrace certain truths because they didn’t feel true? According to a recent Faith Over Fear podcast guest, therapist and author Nicole Zasowski:
“The brain prefers what it knows, not necessarily what is good or true. So, it will prefer a familiar lie to an unfamiliar truth. And so, when you are telling yourself the truth about your identity, that's where it can feel really scary because your brain doesn't want to accept that because it doesn't recognize it.
So anytime we tell ourselves the truth, whether it's about our empowerment to make choices or about our identity as a person, it takes a lot of courage because it's not something your brain is comfortable with. And you're essentially teaching your brain to make the truth become more familiar so that it can actually receive it and act on it.” (Catch our full conversation HERE.)
This might look like walking into a room with your spine straight and head held high, or presenting with confidence you don’t yet feel. This also means living according to our values. For example, this could involve maintaining self-control in tense situations or responding to someone else’s anger with kindness and grace. We’re better able to do so when we’ve evaluated and honored our emotions, investigated their roots, examined the stories we’re telling ourselves, and how those factors contribute to our perceptions and reactions in the present.
In his book The Deeply Formed Life, author Rich Villodas guides readers through a series of steps to gain Spirit-led clarity when our emotions feel chaotic. He ends with an invitation to choose a “counter-action” to how we might normally respond in similar situations. For example, if we typically withdraw and isolate when we feel rejected, a counteraction might involve reaching out to someone for support or connection. This aligns with Scripture’s emphasis on our need for relationship.
If we’re prone to emotionally detaching through food or mindlessly watching social media reels, a counteraction might be to journal with Christ. When we do, we live as the welcomed, accepted, and cared-for children of God we are.
I love how Nicole phrased this during our podcast discussion referenced above:
“And am I willing to speak to that real feeling and say, I have really good reasons for feeling that way, but what is the message I want to choose to carry forward about my identity, my security, and how can I practice making choices that are in line with that truth instead of reacting to that pain? And then the practices reinforce the truth in my heart. So that would be good stewardship of your pain. … What is the message that I want to give myself? Do I want to echo the voice of truth and then practice those things? Or do I want to continue to spin in my pain?”
The mental health professionals from Deeper Walk International refer to this as living from the heart Jesus gave us, and according to our true selves.
Our inner critics may have grown skilled at blaming and shaming us into behaving in ways that contradict our core identity as sons and daughters of Christ. But we don’t have to leave their voices unchallenged. We can learn to recognize and evaluate their messages in light of Scripture, choosing, daily, to live according to what God says about us. While this might not eradicate our negative self-talk, it certainly helps to place healthy guardrails around our hearts and minds that give space to our feelings while allowing us to live more aligned with who we truly are.
For more encouragement and insight on managing your inner critic, check out the Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled “Silence Your Inner Critic and Live Your Best Life.”
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/shironosov
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
