For the fourth night in a row, my mind wandered aimlessly. No matter how many sheep I counted, a million more thoughts appeared:
-“What if the retreat is a flop?”
-“What if the giveaway doesn’t go as planned?”
-“What will people think if I let them down?”
-“Will my acne ever go away?”
-“Will I ever learn to love me for me?”
-“Does God hear my prayers?”
I don’t know about you, but sleepless nights are the worst. Why? Because you’re already exhausted, but somehow, the voices keep coming. It’s like having a conversation with someone you really don’t want to talk to. No matter how short your answers are, they keep going on and on. And for those who suffer from anxiety, this is what it’s like to wage war with mental spirals.
Unfortunately, nighttime is often the most challenging time for anxious minds. For many of us, it’s the first time we’ve paused all day, and when silence enters the room, so do our intrusive thoughts. We don’t have to think about them; instead, they appear.
If you’re a Christian who wrestles with these thoughts, then you’re in good company. Here are three ways God meets us in the mess of our spirals:
1. God Watches Over Us
In Psalm 63:6, the Psalmist writes, “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night” (NIV). While the Psalmist is trying to go to sleep, he notes that he thinks of and remembers God through the watches of the night. From sunrise to sunset, or whatever hours he’s awake, the author knows and trusts that God is with Him. How does he know this to be true?
Growing up, Proverbs 15:3 was one of my mom’s favorite Bible verses. I never understood why until I started wrestling with anxiety. “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good” (ESV). And I believe our Psalmist knew this verse to be true. God watches over all people and sees everything they do. Psalm 139:2-3 says it this way: “You know when I sit down and when I rise; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways” (ESV).
Because not only does God promise to watch over our coming and going (Psalm 121), He never slumbers or sleeps. He sees and knows all, and this is why we lift our eyes not to the mountains, in all their grandeur, but to our God (Psalm 121:1).
Knowing that God watches over us doesn’t always make our anxiety vanish, but it grounds us in His truth. God isn’t annoyed or upset at us. He’s not frustrated or disappointed in us because we tend to overthink. Instead, He meets us in those places, as we are. This leads me to the second way God meets us in our spirals:
2. God Is With Us
In Isaiah’s prophecy of Jesus, he calls the coming Messiah by several names: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). Just two chapters earlier, he also calls Jesus “Immanuel,” meaning “God with us” (Isaiah 7:14).
What I love most about this verse is that God is with us, no matter what. The verse doesn’t say “God is with us when we finally stop worrying or get it all together, or finally learn to control the spirals.” No, the Scriptures say that He is with us no matter what, no matter where we are.
One of my friends and excellent therapists, Blake Roberts, explains the concept this way: “God is trauma-informed. Emmanuel = God *with* us. Not— God with us after our anxiety and depression is prayed away.”
Emmanuel (or Immanuel), the Hebrew word for “God with us,” is powerful and empowering. Because God didn’t have to care about or be with us in suffering, and yet He chose to do so (Hebrews 10). And this leads me to our third and final point:
3. God Is Within Us
Not only is the God of the Universe all around and with us, but He lives within us. Woah. Full stop. As humans, this is hard to articulate—nearly impossible. We can’t imagine or fathom another human being living inside of us. And yet, when Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit, that’s precisely what happened.
Because of Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection, He gives the gift of the Holy Spirit to all who will receive Him. The prerequisites don’t require perfection or an anxiety-free lifestyle. Instead, they need us to come as we are, fully repentant of any sins and with open arms extended wide.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, the Scriptures explain the Spirit living within us this way: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (NIV).
This gift of the Holy Spirit is love (Romans 5:5), courage (Acts 4:31), and strength (Acts 1:8). It’s given us to empower us, not shame us for our struggles (John 15:26; Zechariah 4:6). The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in us, and that’s something to reflect on.
Friends, I don’t know what thoughts your mind is feeding you today, but if they aren’t of the spirit, then they probably aren’t true. When your mind won’t rest at night and gets lost in these spirals, remember these three truths. Then, try some deep breathing.
If deep breathing doesn’t work, I like to use “name the fear, name the truth journaling.” My mind is already racing, so I grab a pen and let the thoughts pour out like a river. My entries might sound something like this:
“God, I’m so scared of the future. I don’t understand, and my mind is filled with what-ifs. But I know that you hold my future and know my next steps. Even when they are foreign to me, you’re with me and know where I’m going.”
Once I’ve allowed myself to process, I then pray using a Psalm-based grounding technique. To me, this resembles reading a Psalm and journaling about how it relates to my life. As I do this, I open my hands in prayer and ask the Lord to calm my thoughts.
Learning to seek the Lord in moments of despair isn’t easy or natural. Everything in me screams for control. But God sees my efforts. He hears every cry for help and simple prayer of, “Lord, I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep.” And yet, that’s the beauty of being in a personal relationship with Him.
If restless nights are keeping you up, please know you’re not alone. God is watching over you, with you, and within you, even if you don’t feel Him near.
What thoughts grip you most at night? Take time to journal these thoughts to the Lord and tell Him what’s really on your heart and mind.
Prayer
Dear God,
When restless nights are upon us, please give us your peace. Remind us that you alone can provide us with the peace of your presence and quiet the mental chatter in our minds. You’re not ashamed of us, but love us as we are, where we are. Thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit and the power that it gives us. We love, praise, and thank you, Jesus. Amen.
Photo credt: iStock_GettyImages_demaerre
