I Remember: Transformation Is in God’s Hands, Not Mine
Quite honestly, if there were a pill I could take tomorrow to trust God perfectly, I’d swallow it without asking about side-effects. God’s way of renewing my mind is frustrating, slow, and hard to track in a spreadsheet.
It’s also the actual method God uses.
The bright spot is this: it’s not up to me to change. It is God working in me that can do more than I can ask and imagine.
Realizing I don’t have to try hard has made the wait bearable. If I sense I’m afraid and not trusting God, I know I haven’t failed. Instead, I simply tell Jesus about it and ask for help discerning one small thing to seek peace now—period, end of sentence.
Yes, we’re called to intentionally engage in the process of renewing our minds. But quite honestly, I think most of us overestimate our own importance in the process. Yes, we must pray—but remember that it’s not your words that trigger God’s power. Yes, we can practice spiritual disciplines, but keep in mind that they aren’t Jesus-y vending machines. Yes, we will yearn to be whole—but remember that you’re called to not worry about tomorrow. Stay relentlessly present and curious about this holy moment you’re in.
Perhaps the best way to begin trusting God with your whole mind is to begin with this struggle, and this shame: that you are an imperfect creature, prone to fear, who desperately wants to be saved.
Heather Caliri is a writer from San Diego who uses tiny, joyful yeses to free herself from anxiety. Tired of anxiety controlling your life? Try her mini-course, “Five Tiny Ideas for Managing Anxiety," for free here.
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