“Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:25
As a graduate student, I was required to interact online with a group of students in one of our communication courses on various posted topics. Years later, I received an email from one of the grad students in this group, telling me she forgave me for what she considered a curt response I gave her during one of the discussions years ago.
To say I was surprised is to say the least, as I had no idea when this happened, or even the topic we discussed. It was an awful feeling to discover that my response in the thread had come across as hurtful to her, and even worse, that it had stayed with her all these years following.
Of course, I sincerely apologized, letting her know how unaware I was of this occurring, and how it had not been my intention to be hurtful towards her, still having no recollection of the occurrence.
After mulling over the situation in my memory, like Scripture encourages (2 Corinthians 13:5), it was vital for me to examine myself to see if I had been careless with my words. However, without the transcript of the discussion, there was no way to verify.
I also wondered if my thoughts on the topic came across differently than intended, or if maybe we just didn’t agree in the discussion, and she took my not agreeing with her as personal rather than directed at the topic.
Additionally, in my graduate program, I was assigned to do a research study with a group of students on the reliability of text and email in accurately communicating messages. Our findings concluded that it’s the absolute worst form of communication because it lacks tone and can come across in erroneous ways.
When it comes to how to correct these misunderstandings, we came to the conclusion that numerous emojis, inserted into the text and emails are necessary to help convey the right tone and meaning. Without them, individuals usually come to conflicting interpretations of the same message.
How sad to think that nowadays, this is the primary form of communicating in the world through social media posts. As a writer, I understand that the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is untrue because words can and do hurt others deeply.
Likewise, when expressing our opinions on social media, whether just stating a thought, belief, or response to someone else’s post, our words have the capability to be misunderstood. It happens all the time that someone seems to be thoughtfully trying to post something or respond to a post, only to be challenged and belittled for their words.
As Christians, we have a calling to be gentle to our opponents in the hopes they’ll repent and come to Christ, which is challenging to stay the least amid a heated online discussion.
Sometimes, the more we try to clarify what we’re trying to communicate, the more it stirs up our opponents. As well, some individuals are just looking for a reason to get upset and rant.
Thankfully, when the person being challenged doesn’t play the game of exchanging volatile words but rather responds in a gentle tone, the discussion often cools down and tends to fizzle out.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
We’re especially urged, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
As well, Colossians 3:8 encourages, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
Instigating fights is a tool of the devil, so like James 4:7 instructs, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
Let’s Pray:
Dear Father,
Help me to respond with gentleness to those who oppose or challenge my words, whether in person or on social media. Guard my heart from lashing out when challenged, and give me words to speak that will calm hearts and extinguish fury in others.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Photo Credit: ©Andrew Neel/Unsplash
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
Related Resource: Soft Words for Hard Days: A Conversation with Aundi Kolber
Some days feel heavy. Some moments leave us wondering how to keep going. If you’ve ever longed for encouragement amid life’s hardest moments, I have a special episode of The Love Offering for you. This week, I’m joined by therapist and bestselling author Aundi Kolber to discuss her latest book, Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days. This beautiful collection of quotes, scriptures, prayers, and gentle exercises is designed to be a balm for your most tender places—a reminder that you are never alone on your journey to healing.
In our conversation, we explore:
✨ How to hold space for yourself and others in difficult seasons
✨ The power of compassionate words when life feels overwhelming
✨ Practical ways to embrace healing and take one more step forward
If you like what you hear, be sure to subscribe to The Love Offering on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Wednesday, 17 April 2024.
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