“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” Romans 14:19
Has your family ever had a huge blowout at a family gathering, where your hopes for unity and family fun took an unexpected and uncomfortable turn?
It usually only takes one person to set it into motion, too, and once it takes off, it becomes close to impossible during it to dial back the drama.
On the 1990’s “Everybody Loves Raymond,” a 1990’s sitcom, the TV family is known for their relationship blow-outs played out on the screen. Emotions spurred by escalating words, quickly turn what was supposed to be a family-friendly gathering into a battlefield.
Not that our family hasn’t had its own personal drama at times, but we were taken off-guard one year at a friend’s family get-together, where they invited us to join a holiday celebration in their home with their immediate family members.
To our surprise and utter horror, what started out as a joyful time, quickly escalated into a full-blown, raised-voice yelling match between our friends and their family. We felt completely out of place and uncomfortable with family members screaming at each other and certainly didn’t want to be in the room while it was taking place.
Afterward, we wondered if maybe, like the hit sitcom, this is just how their family works through conflicts.
Family Gatherings Can Stir Up Old Wounds
Usually, each person is already dealing with their own stresses, and family gatherings are a place where old hurts and disappointments can quickly rise to the surface, stirring up conflict.
But realistically, family fallouts are bound to happen sometime in life, so it’s good to plan in advance how to handle them if and when they do come. Following are 3 ways to face family fallouts.
1. Be Aware of the Potential Fallouts at Family Gatherings
Take time to be aware of any possible potential for fallout. Self-examination before the gathering helps us to recognize any issues we might personally have with others. 2 Corinthians 13:5 urges, us to, “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test.”
James 4:1 explains what’s often behind disagreements. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Checking out our own hearts before attending, will help us to pinpoint and deal with any unresolved feelings, disappointments, and issues. Beforehand preparation goes a long way to knowing how to deal with tension and confrontation, if and when it happens.
2. Prepare Ahead of Time to Deal with Family Fallouts
Prepare ahead of time for family gatherings, considering how we can encourage and build up our family members. Contemplate ahead of time, how to do so, maybe even checking out their social media pages to see what’s been going on in their lives, if not recently in touch with them.
In the long run, it’s helpful in family relations to do some homework beforehand. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in face you are doing.”
3. Put Family Fallouts into Eternal Perspective
How we deal with family fallouts has the possibility of drawing our family to Christ or chasing them away. It’s something we want to keep in the forefront of our minds and weigh, what is most important in life, to win in conflict situations or to be gracious, loving, and kind?
Planning ahead helps us to put possible family fallouts into eternal perspective, along with keeping it from negatively affecting and damaging future relationships with family members.
Ephesians 4:29 urges, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
If fallout does occur, we want to be quick to forgive each other and to ask for forgiveness, especially when we are at fault in any way. We also want to move forward in our relationships, not holding anything against each other.
Let’s Pray:
Dear Father,
Prepare our hearts today for family gatherings. Help us to examine ourselves beforehand and to forgive former offenses, disappointments, and grievances. Soften our hearts to be willing to encourage, uplift, and speak life into our family members’ lives.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/imtmphoto
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
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Originally published Tuesday, 31 October 2023.
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