“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB).
Since I was a young girl, I have struggled to maintain consistent, strong relationships with other girlfriends. I was far from being part of the popular crowd, but one thing was for sure: I gave all my energy to making sure everyone liked me. I tried my best to fit into almost every group: the athletes, the band nerds, the theater troupe, the art club, the math club, and the cheerleaders, but what I always longed for was to have a best friend. I would grow close to someone, but over time, the friendship would unravel or fade away for different reasons- friends for a season. This pain of rejection and grieving the loss of friendships over the years has followed me well into adulthood, especially once I became a Christ follower. Christ makes it clear in the scriptures that we must love Him more than anyone or anything, even our own lives. We must lay it all down to follow Him at all costs, but He promises life abundantly to those who sacrifice all to pursue Him and His ways. We are to imitate Jesus in all areas of our lives; His way regarding relationships is one of selflessness and putting others first.
Instead of getting consumed with the grief and frustration of why cultivating relationships with other women has been so difficult for me, keeping my eyes focused on myself and my desire to have a close friend with a woman, I need to look to the scriptures for a perspective shift. Paul brings some clarity to the Philippians regarding relationships that reflect Christ to the world:
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB).
Instead of wallowing in self-pity about why no one seems to understand us (a lie I used to believe whenever I faced rejection), we need to get our eyes off ourselves and begin asking how we can be a good friend to someone else. The enemy wants you either in pride, thinking you are better off doing life your own way, or in isolation, bound in a pit of depression, unable to receive love or give out love, feeling like no one loves you or cares about you. Instead of looking to someone else to fill our "love tank" and meet our relational and emotional needs, we need to humble ourselves and seek opportunities to serve others with Christlike love, without expecting anything in return.
This requires intentionality and alertness to others' interests. When you meet someone new, do you spend more time talking about yourself or asking more questions and listening? Being a good friend means being concerned with your friend's well-being more than your own problems. This isn't something that comes naturally, but it is a supernatural work of God in your heart. The more you lean into God's grace, the more you will see growth and maturity in your heart and life, and be able to love others as He does. God will sanctify us because He wants to see us conformed to the image of Christ. One way this occurs in our lives is through studying the scriptures and other spiritual disciplines such as prayer, serving others, and consistent discipleship and evangelism. The more we study the Bible and exercise spiritual discipline, the more the Holy Spirit renews our minds. This renewal of the mind helps us think on Christ's ways rather than our own. Our behavior and attitude begin to change, and God gives us a desire to love, obey, and serve Him with fervor, loving Him and others with our whole hearts. May we be strengthened by God's grace to walk Christlike in our friendships!
Heavenly Father,
I need Your help to love others as You do; My pride often gets in the way, and I miss opportunities to be selfless because my own unmet needs consume me. Help me to be humble and consider others more highly than myself. I also don't want to look to others to know that I am accepted in the beloved as Your own. When I experience rejection, I know that You love me. Instead of allowing myself to grow bitter or cynical, help me to be hopeful and have eyes to see new opportunities to be a good friend to someone who may need it much more than I do. Thank You for working in my heart and giving me the grace to love selflessly and sacrificially. In Jesus' name, amen.
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Related Resource: Feeling Off? Why You Don’t Need to Hold Everything In (And What To Do Instead)
Do you tend to keep your feelings to yourself… especially when you’re upset? Maybe you tell yourself nothing will change, or you don’t want to affect others—so you stay quiet and carry it on your own. But even when you try to move on, something still feels heavy inside.
In this episode of Breathe: The Stress Less Podcast, Bonnie shares a personal moment of how she learned to express difficult emotions to release hidden stress she's been carrying. You’ll discover why holding in your emotions can leave you feeling stuck—and how sharing what you feel, even quietly with God, can help calm your body, bring emotional relief, and remind you that you’re not alone.
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Originally published Thursday, 04 June 2026.
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