June 11, 2019
The Kindness of Intentional Blindness
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. (Proverbs 12:16, NIV).
Friend to Friend
We were hoping for a long, slow dinner out with good friends. Instead, what we got was a mediocre meal and a rude waitress.
From the moment we walked in the door of the tiny cafe, we felt her chill. She didn’t want us standing by the door, nor did she like it when we sat in a couple vacated chairs while we waited for a table. When our table was finally ready, she seemed annoyed by the number of our children. Then, when we asked for an additional glass of water, she let us know she’d already brought enough for everyone. We must’ve misplaced it. Finally, when we discovered we’d been given a regular pizza when we’d asked for gluten-free, she made sure we knew we must’ve ordered it wrong and it was definitely not her fault.
Now, I’d love to tell you my first instinct was one of compassion and grace. Instead, I looked at this snarky young woman—young enough to be one of my own children—and I considered how a good solid smack down might do her a bit of good. She was rude, disrespectful, unkind, and not at all the example I want my youngest three children to see. Customer service was absent, not to mention basic manners and human kindness. Her behavior was unacceptable, and every part of me wanted to tell her so.
Until later that evening, when we processed what had happened and an insight by my friend doused my fire:
“Did you hear what she said when she walked away? ‘I can’t do anything right.’ She must’ve been having a hard day.”
Just that fast, my annoyance turned to empathy. I knew what it felt like to have one of those days, when everything goes wrong and I feel like nothing but a failure. Sometimes it’s easier to erect a hard shell than crumble in a million pieces. Cold indifference feels safer than sadness.
I can’t help but wonder: What would’ve happened if I’d chosen lean in and extend kindness? What would’ve happened if I’d tempered my annoyance with both curiosity and grace? While her behavior was unacceptable, there’s a chance it might also be understandable. Perhaps she’d experienced a difficulty that day I knew nothing about, or even a loss my own heart couldn’t fathom.
Annoyance does nothing to lend comfort.
But kindness speaks calm to a storm.
“Fools show their annoyance at once,” Solomon said. By all accounts, I act like a fool more than not. I’m easily annoyed, especially with those closest to me, the ones living inside the walls of my house. Some days it doesn’t take much for my adolescent children to trigger a reaction. And, in many cases, their behavior deserves parental correction. But what if I responded to insults with kindness? What if my correction of them also included authentic connection? How might my calm demeanor melt the coolness of those around me?
After all, that is precisely what God does for us. When having a hard day, He doesn’t match my rudeness and obstinance with His. Instead, He offers relationship, allowing His kindness to bring about the correction I so desperately need.
Dear Lord, You have offered me kindness upon kindness, even when my behavior deserved nothing but rebuke. You have extended patience, grace, compassion over and over again. Teach me to be slow with annoyance and quick with love, mirroring Your compassion with a measure of my own.
In Jesus’ Name,
Now It’s Your Turn
Chances are, sometime today someone will annoy you. They will do or say something that stings. And you will be tempted (and maybe even justified) to retaliate. What would happen if you committed to overlooking offenses all day today instead? How might your relationships—and your own sense of peace and happiness—be impacted as a result?
More from the Girlfriends
A storyteller at heart, Michele Cushatt writes and speaks on the necessity of perseverance, leadership and faith in the hard places. A three-time tongue cancer survivor and mama to children "from hard places," Michele is a (reluctant) expert of pain, trauma and our deep human need for real connection. She lives in Colorado with her husband and their six children, ages 12 to 27. Learn more about Michele’s incredible story in her book, Undone: A Story of Making Peace With An Unexpected Life.
Originally published Tuesday, 11 June 2019.