February 1, 2018
What Do When You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’?
“I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:4-5 NIV).
Friend to Friend
What do you do when you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now you take them for granted. What do you do now?
Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy and who stayed married rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.
Starting over may very well be the answer to your marriage problems—as long as it’s with the same man!
In the book of Revelation, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus: “I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4). Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament, and yet somewhere along the way they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.
Perhaps you are a woman who has forgotten the thrill you felt when you first met your husband—the spine-tingling chills when he walked into a room, the heart-skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when you saw his name in your email in-box, the electricity of sexual desire stirred with a kiss. Between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running the carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, and folding the laundry, something got lost. We can get so busy taking care of life that we forget to take care of love.
How do you get that lovin’ feelin’ back? God gave the church two simple steps, and I believe we can apply them to marriage as well. “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5 NIV)
Remember how it was in the beginning.
Return and do the things you did at first.
Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place? Remember the things you did at first? How you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been 50 pounds less and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. Let him know he does.
Heavenly Father, I’ll admit that sometimes I get so busy taking care of life, that I neglect to take care of love. Help me to keep my marriage a priority above all other earthy relationships. Help me to remember all that I loved about my husband in the early years and take steps to keep my marriage strong.
In Jesus’ Name,
Now It’s Your Turn
Make a list of firsts in your relationship: first date, first kiss, first dance, and first time you met each other’s parents.
Ask your husband what he remembers most about your wedding day and your honeymoon.
Look at your wedding photo album together and talk about what first attracted you to each other.
These might not seem like very “spiritual” devotional applications, but when you consider that your marriage is meant to glorify God, then I think God would heartily say…it is.
More from the Girlfriends
A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage. Click here for a fun video sure to make you smile! For the month of February, I’m offering a special Valentine’s Marriage Bundle with discounts on four of my favorite marriage resources. Let’s make 2018 a year to strengthen our marriages and pray for our men.
Click here to learn more about hosting a Girlfriends in God conference in your area or having one of the GiGs speak at your next women's event.
Originally published Thursday, 01 February 2018.