Why Me?
Carla Miller, Guest Writer
TODAY’S TREASURE
"…who are you, O man, who answers arrogantly back to God and dares to defy Him? Will the thing which is formed say to him who formed it? Why have you made me like this?” Does the potter not have the right over the clay, to make from the same lump of clay one object for honorable use, something beautiful or distinctive, and another for common use, something ordinary or menial?" Romans 9:20-21 AMP
When we received the life-altering diagnosis of pre-dementia for my husband, Gregg and I asked God, “Why him?”, was I really asking, “Why me?”. My husband and I were devoted Christians from childhood. We had rededicated our lives to God in our early 20s, promising to do whatever God wanted with our lives. Gregg served in pastoral ministry for over forty years. We moved our family multiple (15!) times to follow God’s call and managed on a very lean clerical salary for many of those years. We had sacrificed so much to God and His Kingdom.
Reflecting, I see God had been preparing me to be a suitable and competent caregiver for Gregg. I loved being a mother and caring for others. As a special education teacher and home school educator, I built on some natural patience and perseverance traits. I learned to break down issues and topics into small, understandable pieces that cognitively challenged individuals can tackle more easily. My younger brother was severely challenged both mentally and physically, so I developed a deep concern and compassion for persons with mental special needs. I don’t believe God wastes anything in our lives but can use every one of our experiences, good and “bad,” for His ultimate purposes.
A good friend asked me, “How do you feel about this situation? Are you angry?” I don’t know. I feel disappointed that many of our hopes and dreams for our retirement years will not be met, but as time goes on, I am enjoying the simplicity of our lifestyle. I feel sad for Gregg as many of his pleasures ebb away. Am I refusing to acknowledge my anger? I don’t think so, but I have asked God to help me discern and express my emotions appropriately. I may be emotionally immature because in my family of origin, although it was never said directly, I knew that being angry was “bad.” We were expected to be happy and content, not “moody,” which was the equivalent of sad, annoyed, frustrated, angry, upset, or anything other than “happy.” So now, with the Holy Spirit empowering me and the help of others, I am practicing being honest in expressing how I feel.
When others ask, “How are you doing?” I sometimes respond, “The Lord is giving me many opportunities to trust Him.” My life may be the only Bible some people read, so I am compelled to honor God by responding to Gregg in Godly ways.
"You are our letter [of recommendation], written in our hearts, recognized, and read by everyone. You show that you are a letter from Christ, delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the Living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 AMP.
I have decided to focus on offering Gregg what he needs: patience, love, compassion, kindness, understanding, support in conversation (I’m becoming a pretty good mind-reader), meals and snacks (he never was a cook and he is always ready to eat), specific and frequent direction, scheduling, keeping track of appointments, medical care and medicine administration, mutual activities to engage his mind and body, and advocating for him. I intend to be a positive force in his life and a testimony to God’s power and presence in my life.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
During dark times we can feel heavy-hearted, often oppressed and weighed down, and sometimes hopeless. But darkness gives light an opportunity to shine! How we respond in faith can point others to Jesus because He is our Burden Bearer, our Load Lifter, our Unfailing Hope. He is the Light!
PRAYER
Silently reflect on the evidence of God’s faithfulness to you and how He has prepared you for your future unknowns.
"He is a rock. What He does is perfect. All His ways are fair. He is a faithful God, who does no wrong. He is honorable and reliable." Deuteronomy 32:4 GW
Especially look for ways He has equipped you to do hard tasks and thank Him.
More free resources for help, hope, & healing:
Help & Hope podcast is a friend stepping into the private pain of listeners, acting as a tourniquet to help stop the bleeding of a hemorrhaging heart. There are over 160 podcasts that cover a variety of topics. This week’s featured story is: Marital Betrayal and Reconciliation with Stephanie Broersma
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carla (Hannuksela) Miller is a wife, mother of four, and grandmother of eight. She retired from teaching children with autism but still loves learning, writing, and reading. Her husband Gregg was a youth pastor, associate pastor, and senior pastor with over 40 years of church ministry. She is discovering new paths to explore in their beautiful state, attacking crossword puzzles, and relishing time with her family.
For more from Daily Treasure please visit MARKINC.ORG.
Originally published Wednesday, 22 November 2023.
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