"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21
One of the significant areas of contention in our marriage is our finances. Because I pay the bills and like to be aware of what's going on financially, it's easier for me to handle the monthly maintenance of paying bills, balancing checkbooks, etc.
Recently, my husband asked if he could become more aware of and involved in finances. This triggered some resentment in my heart. Although I've asked him several times to be part of the finances, he's never shown interest. Therefore, I've been left to complete the financial tasks and have done a good job because it needs to be done. His new interest in finances made me feel he was trying to take my responsibility away.
This began an argument, complete with character assassination and dramatic declarations of the state of our marriage. It was clear that there was a bigger issue at hand. Not only were we not addressing his lack of initiative regarding finances, but we also weren't addressing the fact that each of us wanted our way. I wanted to do things my way; he wanted to do things his way.
The above verse reminds us that both parties are responsible for submission in the relationship. There will be times when the wife should submit to the husband. There were also times when the husband should submit to the wife. Although it's not always easy to discern when each should occur, the reality is that to have a good relationship, both must submit to each other at some point. It can't just be one person having their own way and the other going along. Both parties must have good communication skills and be able to express themselves healthily so they find mutual ground.
If couples want to fight fair, they must use submission as their greatest weapon. Although this sounds counterintuitive, it's a powerful tool for ending arguments in loving ways instead of angry and resentful ways. Both parties need to understand when it is best to submit to one party or the other. This may be key, especially when one party is better at something than another. For example, I usually submit to my husband's guidance and leadership regarding our cars or other home issues. This is because I'm not aware of or knowledgeable about these areas. I want to submit to him because I know he's smarter than I in these areas, and I see this guidance as the best way forward.
I need him to acknowledge that I am better than he is in some areas. For example, I am better at financial organization and regular household maintenance than he is. I want him to follow my way because I've created systems that work well for our family dynamic. Inserting himself in that way made me feel like my efforts were insufficient, which caused me to become angry and resentful over his intrusion.
God doesn't want us to assert ourselves and get our way. Instead, he wants us to commit to each other, knowing that each is knowledgeable in certain areas more than others. When a couple is able to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, they can then achieve the harmony they desire.
Decide as a couple which areas you will submit to each other ahead of time. Give each party the credit they are due. If one party has been better at something, allow the other to acknowledge it. Submission means accepting that one person knows more and leads better than the other. When both parties can recognize this, unity can be achieved.
Submission does not necessarily mean losing a part of yourself. Instead, it means understanding who you are, your partner, and how God simultaneously works in both of you.
Prayer:
Father, let us be a couple that submits to each other out of reverence for you. When we respect you, we respect each other. Please help us by telling us which parties are better in certain areas than others. Let us not be worried about whose ways are right, but rather, let us acquiesce to the other so that both parties can use their strengths for good, and they can be glorified in the process. Amen.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
Originally published Tuesday, 01 July 2025.
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