Do You Want to be Right… or Happy?
By: Amanda Idleman
Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. - Philippians 2:2
When a disagreement arises between you and your spouse, you have a choice to make. Which is more important: being right or being happy?
If our stance is to advocate for our rightness we immediately begin to sacrifice the happiness of our relationship. Rightness focuses your attention on yourself, your standing, and your ability to win an argument. Rightness forgets the other, it doesn’t stop to consider different point-of-views, and creates stark lines of disagreement in our relationship. When we fight to win, our marriage loses.
Rightness for many years was what my husband and I fought for. Our stubborn and proud minds wanted to win, quite honestly more than anything else.
As the more emotional one out of our pair, I usually used my “hurt feelings” as my sword to die on. I always felt “right” because in my mind no one who railroaded another’s feelings could be standing on righteous ground. Turns out we both were wrong.
Our passion for rightness blinded us to the path to finding happiness between us. Truly, we were unable to see past our pride to be able to “love one another and work together with one mind and purpose.” It took the help of our trusted counselor to show us that conflict is a chance to learn and grow together. It shouldn’t be a chance to win at each other’s expense.
Agreeing doesn’t mean you check your brain at the door, but it does mean you have to leave your pride there. We have to approach conflict with humility and openness. How do we expect to find common ground if we enter a conversation with our minds already made?
Unity occurs when we are willing to work together. Work implies effort and together implies everyone is involved. Happiness happens when together find common purpose. Our solutions should consider everyone involved. It should look like compromise, listening, and it should be a result of effort to move closer to one another, truly learning each other’s heart on a matter.
The impact of such a union, the results of that kind of hard work is infectious happiness! It’s not only a happiness that you and your spouse can enjoy but it spreads to your family, friends, and community. Why do we all love those sappy romantic love stories told in novels and in every romantic comedy? Because they inspire joy in our hearts. We are built to celebrate love when we see it because in 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love.
May your marriage become a reflection of God’s true and wonderful love. May your happiness be an inspiration to those around you. May your goal for each day together be finding the path to agree wholeheartedly with one another so you can stay on the same team. May you joyfully live your lives together with unity.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
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Originally published Monday, 06 June 2022.