Apparently, comparing ourselves to others isn’t just a moral issue; it’s also a mental health concern. At the University of Copenhagen, researchers validated what some of us knew all along: constant social comparison can increase anxiety and depression. I guess the only thing I found shocking in the study is that some of those people who struggle with these issues due to social comparison aren’t even failing or doing poorly in their own lives. Some of them are even thriving. It’s hardly surprising, then, that this points to an underlying mental health concern. Perhaps it triggers the past trauma of individuals whose parents demand more than what they can deliver—that old psychological injury of not being able to measure up.
And what is also alarming is that even those who aren’t predisposed to comparing themselves to others fall into the comparison trap. You can chalk it up to this unsettling reality: living at a time where flexing of everyone else’s “look at my beautiful life” moments is round-the-clock.
That being said, it’s not exactly breaking news to know that this generation has the most significant number of people, both young and adults, wrestling with anxiety and depression. Comparing ourselves to others can truly make life feel a little heavier, taking some of that lightness out of our lives.
The Comparison Trap
Sometimes, material wealth or status in life aren’t our point of comparison. Quite often, we would want to be someone other than ourselves. Have you ever wished you were not who you are?
I must admit, I’ve also had those moments when I've compared myself to people my age. My life is hardly what you call normal through the lens of my friendly, outgoing neighbors. I hardly leave the house. I’m like that one lone ant wandering through the kitchen countertop while the rest of its colony is nowhere in sight. I love being alone. I'm not anti-social and have a heart for others, but being surrounded by people leaves me gasping for a breath of calm.
I remember there's this author, I couldn’t recall her name, but she once mused that she found solace in the written word. I pretty much understand what that meant. I have lived it since I was little. I’ve walked that path myself, still to this day. And I once wished I could be someone else, but I am who I am. And as I got older, I have learned to embrace my uniqueness and quirks, and to be gloriously awkward. Besides, doesn’t God look at the heart and sidestep the non-essentials–things that we, humans, tend to keep an eye out for?
“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this? ”Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” Romans 9:20-22 NIV
Your Path is Your Own
We are all made in God’s image. We are special in our own way, in our own uniqueness. Every life experience we’ve been through leaves its fingerprints on us, shaping our character, traits, even those odd habits and mannerisms that make us, us.
Take pride in how God made you to be. Even those quirks that others deem as flaws ( we’re not talking about moral flaws here), for as long as you have a good heart, abiding in God’s truth, there is absolutely no shame in being your authentic self, by being genuinely you. Your uniqueness is what God will use for His glory.
When You Feel You Are Not Good Enough
As Christians, nothing in this world should give us the same boost of confidence as God does. Our worth is not tied to what we’re capable of creating or how excellent our body of work is. No, not by earthly measures or the shifting judgments of society we live in… but in our identity in Christ.
Maybe you keep thinking, “I could be further along by now.” We at times wonder at other people's natural ability to achieve success, making us feel small and triggering that stabbing pain of inadequacy. But then we must remember their setbacks, disappointments, rejections, those long, lonely nights they had to endure to get to where they are now. We didn’t get to see their struggles behind the scenes. So, when we catch ourselves comparing our messy, tired, imperfect existence with someone else’s seemingly flawless life, would that be fair to us? Not only is it unfair, but it will also eat away at us from the inside, leaving us completely drained.
Hear me out—we’re supposed to look like us, in all the messy, fumbling ways we are. For as long as we strive to abide by His Word, we are enough.
How to Stop Measuring Yourself Against Others
This practical guidance can be of help when we feel the tug to measure our life against someone else’s seemingly “perfect life.”
Celebrate Small Wins
Did you manage to pen an article despite nursing a broken heart? Were you able to help your kids with their homework even when your days are packed to the brim? Go ahead, give yourself a little high-five! Pausing to appreciate small victories can do more to your confidence than you think. Let those small wins accumulate in your memory.
Limit Exposure to Triggers
If someone or something triggers you to feel bad about yourself, you should avoid it. There’s wisdom to be found in this adage: Prevention is better than cure. Why should we let insecurities rob us of today’s joy? Really, it’s not worth it. Let us instead turn our attention to what lights us up, moments that set our hearts dancing.
Reflect Instead of React
Does your friend or your neighbor seem to have everything your heart longs for? Think again. As my teacher once said: We all have battles hidden behind our smiles, behind the faces we wear.
And think about how God designed you to be. Your journey is meant to be different from everyone else. So, embrace the path God leads you on. Other people’s journey is not yours to tread.
Journal Your Own Milestones
For those moments when you could use a little confidence boost, a milestone journal is a good thing to have. It acts like a pep talk when self-doubt sneaks in, helping you get through the gray days. It will remind you that you are more than capable of handling any work that’s aligned with what God desires for your life. Because, as the old saying goes: Where God leads, God provides ( that could be financial assistance, skills, or the right people He will send your way to enable you to live out the purpose God placed in your heart).
Your Life, Your Journey
People often say, We have our own timelines for success. But be cognizant of what timelines and versions of success we’re after here. More money, more recognition? No wonder people end up disappointed because that timeline of their version of success never comes–that’s because no two lives are called to the same victories. To expect the same outcome from every believer is to misunderstand God Himself.
We are meant to tread different paths because every soul carries its own journey. Yours is yours alone, and mine is mine.
“A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 NKJV
The Difference Between Envy and Inspiration
Can comparing ourselves be beneficial? When used wisely, it can actually be really helpful.
If comparing yourself with others nudges you to be the best version of yourself, it’s actually an inspiration, not envy. True enough, a thoughtful (not envious) glance at someone else’s path can help you find your own. But please do so without devaluing yourself. Remember, we have different timelines and journeys, all God concocted, to help us arrive at our final destination– home to where God is.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Eph 2:10 NKJV
The Clear Path to Your Success
Not sure what God has planned for you? Start with the gentle hints God drops along the way and pay attention to what brings you peace–it will give you clarity on what God wants you to pursue: 6 Ways to Know God's Will for Your Life.
Listen to what God has called you to do, and put your heart and soul into pursuing it. It’s a surefire way to success. There might be a few bumps in the road, some roadblocks the enemy will throw at you, but you’ll get where God meant you to be.
“A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.” Prov 16:9 NKJV
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Nathana Rebouças
