You don't always speak kindly.
The congregation member’s words cut like a knife. While I strived to act in accordance with the Holy Spirit and display the fruits of the Spirit in my life, I wasn't perfect. This is especially true when it came into my words. By telling the truth plainly to the others, it sometimes came off as mean or harsh.
As I did some self-reflection on whether this was true, I came to a startling conclusion:
Jesus wasn't always kind either.
Jesus called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, told them their insides were like unclean cups, and implied they were hypocrites because they knew the law but didn't practice it themselves. While we often paint Jesus as a gentle, loving hippie who always loved others and never said a mean word, the Bible paints a very different story.
Because Jesus could discern what was in people's hearts, he knew the Pharisees would not change. Their souls were so full of pride because they knew the law, but they failed to practice it themselves. They were so busy pointing fingers at others that they failed to point it back at themselves. This made Jesus furious.
Although the Holy Spirit dwells within us, and his fruit of the Spirit must be displayed in our lives for people to see our Christ-like character, the reality is that we are not always called to be kind to others.
We are, however, called to love others. There's a difference.
Refraining from saying a harsh word to someone out of fear that they may not like us is not the kind of response Jesus requires of us. Jesus never relied on other people's identity to give him approval or self-worth. Instead, he clung to his father and knew who he was.
He sometimes made exceptions to being kind because he knew that simply withholding that unkind word would never change their hearts. By telling the truth to each other, you allow them the opportunity to repent and move forward in their spiritual walk. Withholding that in the name of kindness is not loving them, it's loving you.
Here are some ways I learned the meaning of genuine kindness:
Kindness is Not Sweeping Issues Under the Rug
Many Christians choose to sweep it under the rug, not allowing anger and unforgiveness to fester in their souls. Many Christians believe that saying sorry without a clear path to repentance makes the situation OK. People who received that apology think that if they say, “that's OK," they can truly process the anger, forgiveness, unforgiveness, and other issues surrounding the offense, and that it magically gets better with the apology. However, sweeping problems under the rug only makes things worse. An issue left unresolved today will eventually surface elsewhere.
It is essential to talk through the issue. The person who was offended needs to be able to express themselves through statements about how that offense made them feel. The other person must accept responsibility, apologize, and seek to make the situation better through repentance.
Although no person is perfect, a person must try to do better in their treatment of people. However, a person who merely says sorry but then continues to do the behavior is not truly sorry at all. But sometimes they feel that an apology will sweep things under the rug and pretend like it didn't exist.
Kindness is Telling the Truth Plainly
Jesus embodied the Holy Spirit by being kind to everyone. But sometimes he used what the world considered unkind words to inspire the Pharisees to change. He called them a brood of vipers, told them their insights were like unclean cups, and overturned tables in the temple when they were using it for personal monetary gain. Based on these standards, many people might feel that Jesus was not kind. Yet he chose to display his kindness through the truth.
Christians need to tell the truth, or tell it plainly, to others. Although a person may feel hurt by what they hear, that doesn't mean they don't love them. In fact, a person who doesn't speak the truth to others and merely goes along with whatever they're doing is not being kind or loving at all. In fact, they love themselves more than they love you.
Telling the truth to others so that they will change is sometimes the most loving thing you can do in a situation. If you see someone going down the wrong path, you must warn them of the consequences that may await them if they continue down that path. This is not being unkind; it is being kind and compassionate to someone you know is making a wrong choice. If you see that a person's choice will negatively affect their life in the future, it is essential to warn them.
Sometimes we don't always see the issues in our lives. We need people in our lives to tell us the truth. For example, David had Nathan the prophet tell him when his sin with Bathsheba was clouding his heart. When his heart became hardened with sin over trying to cover up his adultery with Bathsheba, he lost his way.
No longer was he achieving the intimate relationship with Jesus God he wanted. Nathan was the one who came to him and told him that he was acting in a way that was harming himself in his relationship with God. David, with his humility, chose to listen to him and change his ways.
If it were not for David's strength and courage in warning him about his actions, David might have made other, more dangerous decisions that would have altered not only himself but also those around him. As king, he needs to make decisions in his people's best interest. When he chose to make selfish decisions, starting with his sleeping with Bathsheba, he could no longer have the intimate access to God they had once had.
David's commitment to repentance changed everything. But it was Nathan who put that change in motion.
Kindness is More than Words
Kindness is more than simply saying something nice about someone's outfit or saying hello on a Sunday morning. Kindness is building someone up. Kindness may mean affirming one person's character, but it may also mean taking an action. We often think of acts of kindness as expressions of our love and compassion for others.
We can be kind without saying a word to anyone. It is through our actions that we demonstrate the Christ-like example we want to emulate for the world. If we want to be kinder people who display Christ-like qualities, we need to act in tangible, practical ways that help others.
Consider ways you can be kind without saying a word. Consider volunteering at a local food pantry, raising money for people experiencing poverty in your community, and helping those in need.
Kindness, like the other fruits of the spirit, is an action that is sometimes easier said than done. However, if we understand that telling the truth to others, not sweeping issues under the rug, and letting our actions, rather than our words, dictate our behavior, we can be the kind of people the world is looking for.
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