Even when poor choices—ours or others'—bring consequences, God’s sovereignty uses them for growth, redemption, and His greater purposes, urging us to seek Spirit-led desires, wise counsel, and daily alignment with His will.
Anyone who is a parent or has even had a child in their care, however briefly, has experienced the fact that children have a knack for making poor choices. Little ones who are just starting to have their wobbly feet take them on adventures, basically learn by their consequences. Children in elementary school certainly know better, but they exercise their own free will, which often leads to consequences. And then we get to teenagehood or college-age when the kids decide they know better than their parents in their short 16-20 years. As a result, they can sometimes make life-altering poor choices that will ultimately affect not only their own life, but many others, such as getting behind the wheel drunk or having a teen pregnancy.
As parents, we walk a fine line between consequences that fit the crime and enabling our children by bailing them out of difficult circumstances. I love watching the old reruns of Father Knows Best. When Bud, their son, gets into a tough spot, Margaret, his mother, feels bad for Bud and wants to fix it. Jim, the father, would always ask her to wait, stressing that Bud needs to learn from the consequences of his actions. Jim could be a softie too sometimes, but with that mercy always came sage advice and a lesson through his words.
But what happens as adults when others' bad decisions end up costing us? Do you find yourself saying, “This isn’t fair!” “Why should I suffer for what the other person did?” Sadly, this happens all too often.
Many of us know the story of Joseph and his coat of many colors. He had a dream that suggested his brothers would one day be bowing down to him. His brothers were already jealous of Joseph because of what they felt was their father’s favoritism toward him, and now they were furious due to the dream. One day, Israel, their father, sent Joseph out to find the brothers who were shepherding their flocks. When Joseph approached, their hatred took over. Initially, they wanted to kill him, but Reuben, one of the brothers, convinced them to throw him into a cistern instead. He was thinking he’d rescue him later. The brothers devised a plan to sell Joseph as an enslaved person, and indeed, when a group of Ishmaelites came, they sold him. Joseph was then taken to Egypt. In a further show of bad decisions, the brothers took Joseph’s multicolored coat, tore it up, and covered it with blood from a goat they had killed to make it look like Joseph was dead. They brought it back to their father to deceive him.
This story raises some questions. What if Israel hadn’t shown favoritism to Joseph? Did Joseph know how much his brothers hated him before telling them about the dream? Did Israel realize how much they despised him when he sent Joseph to find his brothers? If Joseph knew his brothers were jealous of him, did he tell them about the dream to irritate them, or did he think they might respect him, or was he naive in all these areas? We might not know the answers to these questions, but we do know that God’s sovereignty allowed all of these poor choices as a way to move Joseph to Egypt, where he would ultimately save the people from the famine as well as his own family.
Let’s examine poor choices, their origins, how to avoid them, how to respond if you are a victim of others' bad decisions, and where God’s sovereignty fits into all of it.
Selfish Desires vs. Spirit-Led Desires
When you think about all the things we fear, sickness, losing someone, financial ruin, being alone, you don’t see “self” listed there. But in reality, as Believers, we should fear our selfish desires the most. When you get down to it, our selfish desires could lead to choices that might cause all the fears listed above to come to fruition!
Spirit-led desires seek after the interests of the Lord first and foremost by serving others. “not looking to your interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:4 Before making any decision, we must ask ourselves, Am I trying to please myself or the Lord? “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” Galatians 5:16-17
The next time you are faced with a choice. Think long and hard about where that desire comes from - The Lord or self. When you choose to act on the Spirit-led desire, you will make the choice that aligns with God’s sovereign will, thereby avoiding suffering or having your consequences burden another.
Naiveness vs. Wise Counsel
The book of Proverbs addresses the difference between naivety and being wise. "The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps." Proverbs 14:15 "A prudent person foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple go on and are punished." Proverbs 27:12 Each of these verses addresses different ways naivety can lead to bad choices. The anecdote for not falling prey to those types of situations is
By seeking wise counsel and being well-versed in the wise counsel of the Lord through His Word.
The Bible addresses all manner of sin and the bad choices that led to that sinful behavior. Through the examples of those Bible stories, we can understand how NOT to behave by learning from the consequences that befell the Bible character or even the consequences that another suffered as a result of that person.
In the same way, we see examples of good choices in the Bible where those decisions led to blessings for themselves and others.
When we seek wise counsel and continually study God’s Word, we will agree with God’s sovereign will concerning any decisions that we face and ensure that we make the right one and do not impact another.
Suffering Consequences vs. Suffering Consequences Because of Another
Because God is sovereign, He is in control of all things. Nothing surprises Him or happens outside of His will. This is a complex concept to grasp concerning bad decisions people make that lead to consequences that not only affect the person making the poor choice but will more than likely negatively affect someone else. So, how do we reconcile this?
Earlier, I asked several questions concerning the story of Joseph, but let us now consider what the outcomes would have been if any of those questions had been answered with a different action on their part. Could Joseph still have ended up in Egypt without going through that kind of rejection and suffering? With God, anything is possible, but without that exact scenario, the brothers wouldn’t have repented in the way that they did. They would still be living, hating Joseph rather than being in awe of Joseph’s forgiveness of them when they eventually came face to face in Egypt. On the other hand, Joseph might not have learned humility to that degree.
The next time you feel the consequences of another's actions, ask God to show you what He is trying to grow inside of you. Ask Him to take away any bitterness and instead lean into the Lord’s grace and mercy toward the person whose actions put you in the position you are in now.
God’s sovereignty doesn’t give us an excuse to make poor choices, thinking, “Oh, He will work it out for good!” As the Apostle Paul would say, “May it never be!”. But His
sovereignty does give those of us solace who may be suffering the consequences of someone else’s actions to know we are experiencing this for our good and His good pleasure. And for those of us experiencing the consequences of our actions, we know "...the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives." Hebrews 12:6
Sometimes a choice might seem so insignificant and not really that sinful, but if it is born out of selfish desire or careless naiveness, the consequences could be significant not only to yourself, but especially to someone else.
Each day we have a choice. “Choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15 In so doing, we will be walking in the will of God, honoring His sovereignty and ensuring we do not burden another because of our actions.
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