Living a life with no regrets means loving others well, obeying God wholeheartedly, forgiving freely, and courageously taking risks while trusting God with the results.
I sat on a Zoom call with some fellow author friends one day. They were talking about their new books and everything God is doing. One moment, after battling cancer, a friend said she wanted to continue writing her books because she wanted to live a life of no regrets.
At that statement, I was floored. “No regrets?” I asked. She went on to explain that when she saw the Lord, she wanted to make sure that she had done everything he had asked her to do to love everyone well and to finish her life as well as she could, running the spiritual race that had been marked out for her. She asked me, “If you are struggling in a relationship, and that person died tomorrow, what could you do today to live a life with no regrets?” I pondered this question for several weeks.
After some time had passed, I was still puzzled by her statement, but intrigued to be able to live a life with no regrets. Although I have not had a ton of regrets in my life, I have a few things I wish I hadn't said or done to others that hurt relationships. I often thought about how to change those regrets, but concluded it was too late to do anything. As I talked to my author friend, she gave me suggestions on living a life moving forward with no regrets. Taking the suggestions in mind, here's how I learned to live a life with no regrets:
I Loved Well
As Christians, we often confuse loving well with making sure everyone feels wonderful around us. However, Jesus did very loving things in the name of spiritual growth and their salvation. For example, he often said things to the Pharisees that were downright brutal to convict them of the truth, so they may come to know the Lord and turn their lives back to him with an attitude of repentance. Loving people well does not mean you never hurt their feelings or only say positive things in their lives. I know people who have had people who only do that and never grow in depth in their spiritual lives.
People who are willing to point out an error and help gently with general correction are people who love others well. Saying things as a mode of retaliation or revenge is not a good way to love well. However, loving others by putting their needs before your own, speaking the truth in love so they may grow, and expressing how you feel about something using I statements and personal feelings, is loving people well. I sometimes play the role of someone who must tell someone something challenging to help them grow. Although I have lost friendships over this reality, that does not mean I love them less. I had to tell them the harsh truth to help them grow.
When I must tell someone that they shouldn't marry someone because they are marrying an unbeliever, those people may feel rejected, hurt, and sad. They may blame me or the church for not loving them well and being accepting. However, Jesus often said hard things because he let us stay where we are spiritually. On the contrary, he often allows the Holy Spirit to illuminate character flaws so that we may become more Christlike as He refines our character. Loving people will mean striking a balance between seeing something affirming and seeing things that will help people convict them of the truths they may grow and point them to the Holy Spirit.
I Obeyed the Lord
When the Lord has given me something to do, whether it's a book assignment, a church to pastor, or people to disciple, I've always been good at being obedient to these things. Even if they didn't pan out how I thought they would or how I would like, I was successful in those endeavors. A life marked by success is marked by obedience to the Lord.
I always leave the results up to God. God only asked that I obey. In the parable of the loaves and fishes, the disciples complain that they don't have enough bread and fish to feed the 5000 people who have come to hear Jesus preach. Jesus' response to his disciples is telling: “Give them to me.” We're only required to give to God what is owed to him. God is the one in charge of multiplying things and making things successful. God decides the results; we are only there to do the work we are called to do.
I Forgave and Asked for Forgiveness
One key to healthy relationships is forgiving and asking for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness takes a tremendous amount of humility. However, the rewards outweigh the risks when we ask for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness is risky, but it pays off in dividends. But you must also forgive others as we've been forgiven. When conflict arises, relationships suffer. No relationship is without its share of conflict and drama. However, I am not called to ignore it. Instead, I am there to help mediate it, work it out, and work it out for the good and benefit of each other. The key to helping each other is to forgive.
Although some relationships will never be reconciled, and we all experience the loss of a relationship in this life, I know that I must do what I can to live at peace with everyone. This sometimes means asking for forgiveness and extending forgiveness to others. This is because of the forgiveness given to me through Jesus. When I choose to forgive freely or ask for forgiveness, I live a life with no regrets because I never wonder if I had asked for those things, would I still have a good relationship today.
I Took Risks
Life is not easy. Often, we are asked to take risks to grow spiritually, or we need to humble ourselves. For example, as a writer, it's a risk every time I put my work out there for a publisher to see. They may reject my job, and it may end up going nowhere. Throughout the years, I've developed a thick skin regarding rejection.
However, I never wonder what would have happened if I had written that proposal or that book. I always tried to write whatever God is laying upon my heart. Even if it goes nowhere and doesn't sell many copies, I know that that is the result of what I was asked to be obedient to, rather than if things will not go well simply because things have not gone well in the past. Taking risks means fully obeying God's calling and leaving the results up to him.
Although it may be impossible to live without regrets, it is good to live with few. We can live with fewer regrets than we have now by reaching out to that loved one, forgiving when necessary, speaking the hard truths, and loving others well. When we do these things, we will find that our relationships are rich and rewarding, and we live in freedom rather than bondage.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Radu Florin
