... because of Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection, we don't have to stay where we are. We don't have to live in the pain. Rather, we can be transformed by it.
When Christians are unlike Jesus, how do we react?
That's a question I've pondered for the last few years. And it's an age-old one, right? Many of us wonder why those who say they love Jesus often appear and act least like Him. It's a sad reality that eats us up inside if we think about it for too long. But what's even more unsettling is what this statistic looks like from within the church.
According to a study conducted by Pew Research, there has been a steady decline in Christianity in the U.S. to date. This decline may have slowed or leveled off, but that doesn't make the findings any less depressing. The question must be asked then: Why are Christians leaving the church in the first place?
At the top of that list is what I like to call "church hurt." Church hurt is defined as "the painful experiences of being exploited in the context of a collective local church, where spiritual language or even Scripture may be leveraged to justify wrongdoing and protect offenders." It can also extend to include when someone is "emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically hurt by someone or several people within the church." Big or small, church hurt matters, and the pain it causes can last a lifetime.
While there are other reasons Christians are leaving the church, such as boredom, forced beliefs, or irrelevance, we're left with an important question: How do we heal the church without walking away from Jesus?
Over the last decade, I've been hurt by numerous church leaders and members. I've been judged, misunderstood, and marginalized. And yet, the Lord has taught me three things I would like to share with you. It's my hope and prayer that they will encourage, equip, and inspire you to hold onto faith, even when your faith is beaten down, shaken, weary, fading, or questioning:
1. Your Pain Matters, But It's Not The End of the Story
If you're reading this and you've been hurt by the church in any way, I want you to know that I am so sorry. You are not alone, and I see you. Your pain deserves validation, and it's important that you recognize this and share it with the Lord. But here's the key: Jesus knows your pain is real, and you don't have to pretend things are okay when they're not. Psalm 34:18 tells us, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (NIV). But because of Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection, we don't have to stay where we are. We don't have to live in the pain. Rather, we can be transformed by it.
Let me be clear: I'm not saying that everything you go through in this life is to teach you a lesson. We live in a broken and fallen world full of bad things. But we serve a good God who turns what the enemy meant for evil into good. We serve a God who makes beauty out of broken things and can use anything to bring glory to His Name.
Experiencing church hurt of any kind is painful and unfair. It's injustice in the worst kind, coming from those whom you thought you could trust and depend on. It causes significant damage and deep wounds. But dear friends, this isn't the end of the story. Jesus cares about you, and He never tells you to "move on and get over it." Instead, He whispers in the heartbreak, Let me turn it for good. Let me use it for your favor. Let me redeem even this so, in these places of brokenness, you'll know what it's like to be made whole.
2. It's Okay to Leave a Church... and Find a New One
Sometimes, no matter how much you love a church and the people within its structure, it may be time to leave and find a better church. For those who experience church hurt, this is especially crucial when the hurt or abuse you've encountered is physical or emotional.
If no one has ever given you permission before, I want you to know that it's okay to leave an unhealthy church. The Bible does not say "Thou shalt only attend one church your entire life." Now, of course, there are good and bad reasons for leaving a church. I'm not going to go into all of those reasons here. But what matters is that if you leave a church, you find a new one that honors the Bible and healthily nurtures the Body of Christ.
You aren't abandoning the capital "C" Church of Christ. You are finding a church that better supports your entire well-being. One that challenges your faith but also respects your struggles as a human.
As Got Questions writes, and I quote, "Perhaps the best way to discern whether one has grounds to leave a church is to go back to the basics. What, after all, is the purpose of the church? Believers who feel a desire to leave a church should be clear on their reasons."
You can leave a church respectfully and with pure motives, even if you've been hurt by those within it. And it doesn't make you any less of a Christian.
3. Christians Aren't Christ
At the end of the day, it sounds simplistic and obvious, but I want to remind you that even the best Christians aren't Jesus Christ. While Christians are to be "little Christs," reflecting Jesus in the way we live, we're also fallen and imperfect human beings. There will be people who reflect Jesus well and those who do so poorly. This is just a sad reality. But it's our job to keep on keeping on. To keep being like Jesus even when those outside and within the church are not.
Does this mean we allow ourselves to get steamrolled by abuse? Absolutely not. Jesus was all about justice when He flipped tables in the Temple. He wants us to strive for what is right, live by conviction, and come to Him. We're called to protect ourselves and others who experience these hardships. And yet, sometimes even after we've done all we can do, we must release the authority and judgment into His hands.
Over the last few years, I've wrestled with my thoughts and feelings towards those who have hurt me. I forgave them early on, but I learned that somehow, these unfair behaviors had subconsciously started to taint my view of God. Here's the truth: No one is perfect except Jesus Christ. People here on earth will hurt you. Church hurt is real. It matters. You and your pain deserve to be validated. But you also deserve to heal. To enter total and complete fellowship with Jesus. And that can't happen if your view of God is tainted by those who are supposed to be like Him but aren't.
On this side of heaven, we're going to meet imperfect people every single day. Looking in the mirror, we even see this within ourselves. But as Chuck Smith writes, "Don't judge Christianity by the imperfect examples that we have seen in history. Judge it by Jesus Christ."
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He will never leave us, forsake us, abandon us, or let us down. He is perfect in every way. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Our Savior and closest friend. There is no one else like Him. He cares about you and your pain, but He wants you to come to Him about it because it's possible to heal from church hurt without walking away from Jesus. That's something we need to better show the world how to do.
We need to return to Christ fully, wholeheartedly, and in honest and total surrender, helping those around us (and ourselves) rebuild our faith from the ground up. We must be set on the solid foundation of Christ alone, and nothing else, inspiring change in our churches all over the world.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©Getty/deviousrlm
