I went to the altar this past Sunday. And if you know anything about me, you know this is a big deal. As the Pastor continued preaching His message and the worship team sang into the second verse, I knew the conviction was pointed straight at me. Most of us have felt this way at some point. Convinced the sermon was created just for us—but God has a sense of humor. So with shaking hands, a beating heart (I swore everyone else could hear), and trembling legs, I stood up and walked to the front.
Our Church has been going through a series on Jesus’ Great I Am statements. For example, Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. But this week, the focus was on the great parallel between Jesus’ departure from His Disciples and Thomas's questions and doubts. Near the end of the sermon, we learned that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, but sometimes we get so caught up in figuring out exactly what that looks like in our lives that we miss Jesus Himself.
We get so focused on getting an answer or insight that we forget to be with Him and abide in His presence. Being with the Way, the Truth, the Life, Himself, because the Way, the Truth, and the Life is a person, not a destination or career path to figure out. Because the answer, the destination, the insight, is Him. And I have to ask you, just like our Pastor asked each of us: Do you want the blessing, the outcome, or the answer, or do you want Him?
Do You Want the Answer or Him?
Since May of 2024, I’ve been writing full-time as an author. Although I was called to this job at just 14 years old, it wasn’t until nearly 2 years ago that I began pursuing this calling. Over the last two years, I’ve experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. I signed with an agent on the spot, had my writing featured on large platforms, and attended dozens of writing conferences. But when the project we thought would surely succeed received 26 rejections because it wasn't “famous enough,” I grew discouraged. Not just because of the rejections, but because I’d “almost” had a contract 6 times.
As any good author should, I then pivoted. I pitched an entirely different project and had high hopes that this would be the one. Months later, I was told again, “You’re not famous enough.” Digging my heels in, I revamped two projects and created a third. Just a few weeks ago, my agent sent out the new project, and today I write knowing my proposal will go to the final publishing board meeting tomorrow. It’s gained incredible interest from some huge publishers, but on the inside, I’m fighting this tension:
What if they tell me I’m still not famous enough?
What if I get rejection number 27?
What if it never happens?
What if I never become traditionally published?
When will God answer my prayers?
When I heard my Pastor ask if we want the blessing, the outcome, the answer, or God, I immediately felt convicted. Because over the last 12-24 months, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be traditionally published. To be all God has called me to be. To fulfill or start fulfilling the dream He gave 14-year-old Amber. And those things aren’t inherently wrong. We should want to fulfill the desires and calling God has given us.
But the reason I went to that altar was that I knew I needed to lay it down. The desire to be traditionally published. The desire to be in control. The desire to know the next best step. The desire to know my future and have it mapped out before me. The desire for a book contract outweighs my desire for God Himself.
What Do You Need to Lay Down?
As much as I’ve wanted (and still want) this book contract, Jesus has always been and will always be exactly what we need, far beyond what we think we want. He continues to give good gifts to His children, but let us not miss the gift, Himself. Do we have a stronger desire for an answer (or in my case, the book deal) or our relationship with Him? Are we pursuing certainty or nearness to Him?
If most of us are honest, certainty and answers feel like control. It’s knowing what’s next and having confidence we’re on the best path forward. But certainty doesn’t bring peace if we’re not resting in the peace-giver Himself to begin with. So, instead of begging for answers, perhaps we need to beg for more of Him and His presence. To sit with Him, knowing that He alone is enough for today, tomorrow, and every unknown day ahead.
Today, I don’t know which prayers you’ve been begging the Lord to answer. I don’t know the heavy burdens you’re carrying, or the circumstances life has thrown at you. But I know that if we’re always searching for answers, outcomes, and insights rather than His presence, we will always feel restless and empty inside. God longs to give us the desires of our hearts, and we should seek Him for answers, wisdom, guidance, and discernment. But this is about the condition of our hearts, friends. Matthew 6:21 says it this way: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (NIV).
As you continue your week, I want to encourage you to seek the Lord. Continue to pray for answers to prayers. Ask Him to lead, guide, and direct you in the way you should go. But also ask Him to reveal the motives and intentions of your heart. Get before Him on hands and knees and confess anything you need to. Then, ask Him to help you seek Him above anything else in this world (good things, answers, and directions included).
Jesus is Enough for Us
Jesus Himself is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and when we have Him, we have everything we need, regardless of the answers we hear. Sometimes, God doesn’t always show us the next step. He doesn’t always tell us the exact plan. But He does say, “Be with me. Trust me. Hold on. I know it’s scary. But believe. Hope. Cling only to me.”
Tomorrow, my book proposal will be with the world's largest traditional publishing house. I’m still pretty nervous about the outcome. Since laying my heart down at the altar, I know confidently that whatever happens, Jesus is still with me. He’s my portion and prize. He’s more than enough for me, and He’s all I need. He has good plans, and He’s in control.
I’m learning to desire God more than His answer. More than a book deal. More than anything else in this world. And book deal or not, He’s still who He says He is. He’s still my loving Father. He still has strong hands and a powerful arm. And His will be done because no one can stop Him.
Jesus is enough for you, friend. Seek Him today.
Photo credit: Unsplash/Naassom Azevedo
