A perfect marriage may be unattainable, but it is possible to have a happy marriage as Christians. A happy marriage benefits a couple in many ways. Rather than facing terrible arguments and disagreements, they will be able to work through problems with God's help. Having a healthy marriage does not mean things go right all the time, but it does mean the couple can face any difficulty with grace, love, and respect for each other.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Music, films, and books often glorify toxic relationships, but they are not healthy. If you want to have a happy marriage, there is no room for toxic behaviors. Screaming at each other, lying to one another, and blaming each other is not the marriage God wants for us. Instead, He wants you to have a happy marriage, built upon the Lord and His love. Honesty, mutual respect, and love need to be displayed between a husband and wife.
Many individuals grow up where their parents did not have a happy Christian marriage, and it affects their adult lives. They either have an incorrect view of marriage or repeat the same mistakes in their own relationships. This makes it incredibly hard to cultivate healthy relationships, marriages, and families. This is why marriages need to be built upon the Lord and for both partners to serve Him faithfully.
If you are interested in building a happy Christian marriage, you have come to the right place. Here are five steps to a happy Christian marriage.
1. Obeying the Lord
To have a happy Christian marriage, an individual must obey the Lord. If you are not obeying the Lord, your marriage will not be built upon Him. God is the One who created marriage (Genesis 2:24), and everyone needs to pay attention to His directions in their lives. When it comes to marriage, make sure it honors God and brings Him glory.
Throughout the Bible, we see proper commands for marriage. A few of these include:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27).
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18-19).
From these passages of Scripture, we see what a happy, healthy Christian marriage should look like. Husbands and wives must love each other and submit to one another out of reverence for the Lord. Couples should also keep the marriage bed pure rather than turning to adultery or immoral practices. By doing all these things, you will be obeying the Lord and bringing Him glory.
2. Loving Each Other Truthfully
Marriage needs to be centered around Jesus and rooted in mutual love for each other. This love needs to be truthful. When a husband and wife marry each other, they are entering into a covenant before the eyes of God. This covenant does not need to be broken. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), which is why marriage needs to be rooted in true love for each other.
Love is not lust. These are two radically different things: the former remains, while the latter disappears over time. In our Christian marriages, we need to make sure we are loving our spouse with an agape love. It does not need to be a lust type of “love.” A lust type of “love” will not result in the marriage God wants for us.
Instead, there needs to be an agape love. This type of love will ensure both partners love each other even on hard days, when appearances change, and they are apart for extended periods. Love is a choice that spouses must make every day. There might be days when your spouse gets on your nerves or their habits frustrate you, but you are still called to love them.
3. Being Honest
A happy Christian marriage cannot exist without honesty between the partners. Lies will destroy a marriage, yet the truth will build it up. The devil is the father of lies; therefore, as believers, we do not need to practice telling lies (John 8:44). This is true for all areas of our lives, including marriage. If a person continues to lie in their marriage, it will lead them further away from their spouse and Jesus.
As the Apostle Paul says, “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” (Colossians 3:9). Instead of lying to each other, choose to tell the truth. The truth can be hard to share sometimes, yet this is what must be done between a husband and a wife. Whatever is on a husband’s or a wife’s mind, they need to share it with their spouse.
Even for difficult things, such as struggling with temptation, couples should share. Married couples are not limited to only talking about happy things. Rather, the harder and rawer topics are what will help the marriage grow stronger. Choose to be honest in your marriage and bring up any concerns you have. You and your spouse love each other; therefore, you can work through any problem with the help of the Lord.
4. Intentionality is Key
A marriage without intentionality is one in which neither the husband nor the wife feels cared for. If neither the husband nor the wife is being intentional in the marriage, then the marriage will not feel special, loving, or caring. To have a happy Christian marriage, both partners need to be intentional. Intentionality in a marriage means going the extra mile, such as bringing home flowers, going out for planned date nights, and making time for personal time together.
As husband and wife, it is important to ensure you are having quality time together. Yes, it can be difficult to make time due to family life, looking after children, and keeping up with work, but it is something that must be done. If intentionality is not being expressed, the marriage will suffer for it. Husbands, you want your wives to feel loved and cherished. Therefore, you must put in the effort to ensure she feels loved.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
If you never go out of your way to do something special for your wife, she will feel as though she doesn't matter. Wives, you want to make your husbands feel loved, too. This means you need to show up for your husband in his time of need and truly be there for him. All of this will take time and energy, but a husband and a wife should love each other, and nothing should feel like a burden when you are doing it for someone you love.
5. Cultivating Your Marriage Upon Jesus
The most essential step of having a healthy Christian marriage is to cultivate your marriage upon Jesus. If your marriage is built upon the world, it will not stand. For the marriage to be strong, secure, and steadfast, it has to be built upon the Lord. Look over your own marriage and truly discover what your marriage is built upon. Is it built upon the Lord or is it built upon other things?
When we answer this question, we will be able to make the proper changes. Some of these changes include making Jesus the top priority in your life, following His teachings for marriage as told in the Bible, and loving each other correctly. These are a few changes you can make; however, it will take time before you see a difference in your marriage.
As with any good habit, you must keep working at it, and with time, you will see how much your hard work has paid off. Instead of being in a marriage that is built upon the world, your marriage will be built upon the Lord. This will significantly improve your marriage and deepen your connection with the Lord and with your spouse. Marriage is not a one-time race or an end goal. Rather, it is something both spouses need to continue working on and ensure it is built on the Lord.
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