When it feels like God has left you

Originally published Wednesday, 16 July 2014.

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it!” Genesis 28:16 (NLT)

Thank you for bringing us to THIS place. 

This prayer ran through my mind as we drove into a secluded holiday spot. A place, Xylon and I both say makes our hearts feel full.

I took a walk to look over the dry riverbed whispering my prayer over and over to God.

My prayer was thankfulness for so much more than just a place to rest while on holiday, it was one of gratitude for the journey God has been with us on for the last six years: a trail that has led me to places I hoped to never go.

I stood in the wilderness place we’d picked for our holiday and I felt a bit like Jacob. I felt like someone who has been in the presence of God and never even recognized it. 

This year, I have been wrestling with God, grappling with his grace and telling him my doubts. But that day I stood simply with eyes open to God and thanked him for his presence: for being God in my brokenness and God in my wholeness, for being my Friend when I feel alone and my Hope when I despair. 

For opening my eyes to how He has brought us to THIS place. 

The road hasn't always been smooth but God's been the springs we rested by. The journey has held surprises round the corners but God has been the one who held us when we shook.

God has brought us to THIS place. (tweet this)

This place where God's presence is sometimes heavy like a morning mist and sometimes so distant it's harder to see then my breath on a cold morning.

This place where I believe God holds our futures, but sometimes I still try to clutch them in my hand thinking that somehow my mortal flesh can hold back my husband (or myself) from heaven.

This place where I am not sure of what tomorrow holds but certain that God suspends it between his fingers. 

This place where I know that no matter what happens today God will give me the strength to see tomorrow because he has made all my yesterdays carve the shape of my tomorrows. 

This place where I trust that God will find me with my broken heart even when I’m too tired/scared/angry to look for him. 

This place where God’s presence is so raw it sometimes aches to know he's a God that can give and take away.

And yet I've come to the place where I can lay it down and say, Thank you for bringing us to THIS place. (tweet this)

This place where I can look back at my days and say, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it!”

Ponder: What areas of your life is God present in that you are unaware of?

Prayer: Lord, open my eyes to see all the places in my life when you have been present and I haven’t been aware of it. (tweet this)
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