What if I believed I am worthy?

Originally published Tuesday, 13 May 2014.

It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ’s sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. 1 Peter 1:18 – 19 (MSG)

I measured the oats. 

Scooped in half a cup of water. 

And left the mixture to boil. 

A minute later, I returned, to porridge bubbling over the edge of bowl. 

 “You’re such an idiot,” I thought. “You should know better. This always happens. You can’t even make a bowl of porridge.”

I stopped.

“Where is this coming from? It is just porridge. Stop treating yourself like you’re worth nothing. You are enough just the way you are.”

I stood in the kitchen with a cloth in my hand, ready to wipe the porridge off, when I realised often I talk down to myself because I don’t feel like I am enough.

“Enough” is a word I have never felt capable of I living up to. (tweet this)

The word makes me squirm just to put my name next to it. In fact, writing the sentence, “Wendy is enough,” makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable. 

This year I decided to no longer let an inferiority complex get the best of me. So for 2014 I picked one word sum up how I want to live, one word that I can focus on all year long. 

I chose the word “enough”.

As I’ve wrestled with why I struggle so much with being enough. I’ve begun to realise that maybe I fight against the word, “enough” because I don’t feel worthy enough. 

Worthy enough to be chosen.

Worthy enough of being loved. 

Somehow my worth became tangled with this feeling of never really measuring up. 

I wiped porridge off the bowl I remembered this bible verse: 

It cost God plenty to get me out of that dead-end, empty-headed life I grew up in. 

A cost Jesus was willing to pay because he thought I was worthy enough.

Worthy enough to be chosen.

Worthy enough of being loved. 

Worthy enough to die for. 

I picked the porridge bowl up, and imagined I could hear Jesus speaking to me, “Stop treating yourself like you’re worth nothing. It cost me plenty to give you a future. You are enough just the way you are.”

These words probably won’t help me make better porridge, but I’m hoping they’ll help me to speak more kindly to myself, and to believe a little more each day that I am enough just the way I am. 

Ponder: What keeps you from believing you are worthy enough?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for thinking I was worth enough to die for. Amen. (tweet this)

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- This was orginally published on my site in January 2014 to read more devotionals like this go to ilovedevotionals.com