Originally published Friday, 25 January 2013.
“Your husband has cancer”
These were the words we were hearing this time last year.
Yesterday my husband went for his third scan post chemotherapy for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
It’s been an up and down journey. Outwardly he’s doing well but result wise his scans are up and down. One bad. One good. One bad.
I call it the cancer rollercoaster and honestly I’m ready for this ride to finish.
Before his scan yesterday I spent sometime writing on my blog about how to be fearless when you’re sitting in the unknown.
I’ve been thinking about how to know, really, really know, that God is with you when you feel afraid and that is when I found this verse in Psalms 27.
In the message verse 1 reads: Light, space, zest – that’s God. So, with him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.
If God is light than I have a tangible reminder that God is always there.
I can flick a switch and see my God.
I love that God is light because even in the dark I can turn on a light, spark a match or know that the moon shines even when I can’t see it.
I know that light always pushes back darkness, always shoves out fear.
Then I read that God is space.
And space is all around me, stuffed into gaps and openings and time, covering earth and the universe and the cosmos. Suddenly it makes a lot more sense how God can be bigger than anything we fear.
But my favourite part of the verse is that God is zest. God is in our love of life. God is the flavouring we add to our lives.
Enthusiasm, keenness, gusto, relish, passion – that’s our God. That doesn’t sound anything like fear.
Tang, piquancy, bite, spice, taste – that’s our God. That doesn’t taste like fear.
I don’t know about you but often when I feel fear I sense it. My mouth goes dry, my stomach flips, my hands shake and I don’t see things properly, which is why I love that God is light, space and zest.
Yesterday, I was eating carrot cake, and talking to my husband about his latest scan and the result. Something caught on my tongue. I tried to figure out what it was and realized it was a piece of lemon zest. And I smiled because in that moment I knew that whatever the outcome I could be fearless because he was with me.
Light, space and zest are all around us. So is God.
These little reminders are some of the ways I’m finding to know that God is with me. By recognizing God’s presence in light, space and zest his presence becomes real, not just a nice thought or idea.
Next time you feel afraid, look around you, and see God in the sunlight, the air you breathe and the taste of your food.
Please write in the comments what some of the tangible reminders are for you that God is with you (think things you can see, taste, hear, feel and smell).