Because, sometimes I doubt God

Originally published Sunday, 15 June 2014.

Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9 (NLT)

I’m sure you have days when you question your faith. 

I know I have days like that. Days when I wonder what life is about and whether there really is more to life then the years between gasping for that first lungful of air and breathing for the last time. 

There are days when I question if heaven exists.

There are moments when I wonder how God can stand to watch his people his suffer.

There are times when I think if God hates death more than me how can he allow so much of it?

Some of these questions were bouncing round my head when a reader left a comment for me on facebook

She told me how her husband had passed away suddenly, how she and her 11-year old twins were still in shock and she wrote:

“I lose my faith every day, just to gain it back.” 

That made sense to me. I know how it feels to have my faith wane, to have the dying embers fanned back into flame by a God who can’t seem to loosen his fingers from the tangles in my hair. 

A God who pursues me with sunsets and birds on my windowsill

A God who searches for me even when I’m hiding from him. 

When I read the bible I see how God has always been that way: pursuing people.

Right back in Genesis we are told how Adam does the one thing God told him not to. Adam and Eve hide themselves when they hear God coming. Hoping that God will pass them by. 

God comes looking for Adam and Eve. He calls their names. He beckons, “Where are you?” The creator invites them to come to him. 

I find God is that way with me too. He is not forceful. He does not push himself into my space but desires me to join him. 

God calls for me to join him even when he knows I am ashamed of what I have thought or done or wished. 

When I try to ignore him, God reminds me of his presence, he reminds me that he is light, space and zest

I am also learning that I have a choice about how I respond to his gentle nudges, to God’s pursuit of me. 

I’m finding I’m choosing to run to him and say, “thank you for finding me, for not giving up on me. Can I tell you why I’m doubting/angry/confused?”

It is hard to keep doubting God when he never stops pursuing me. (tweet this)

Hard to lose my faith when God keeps calling me back to him. 

Ponder: Have you ever felt God pursuing you? How did he do it?

Prayer: Lord, thank you for never giving up on me. Amen. 

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- This was orginally published on my site in May 2014 to read more devotionals like this go to