Originally published Wednesday, 13 November 2013.
The other day I posted this on Facebook:
I've come to a realization. Too many things stress me out. I say that too much in my life these days...that activity (a. b. c.) makes me nervous...that person (x.y.z) stresses me out. I can't handle the pressure of... Whoa...Hmmm...gonna pray over this.
Even writing this in public and hitting "post" unnerved me as I have prided myself forever that I'm a "strong woman," not much phases me and I handle drama and stress with balance and class. This has not been the case over let's say, six months. I feel raw. I feel fragile. I feel like I have a burn wound that must sit uncovered and RAW so as to best heal. (Is that analogy even medically correct? Who knows? You get my point, right?) As I evaluated the confession I made yesterday on Facebook, I prayed and tried to get to the bottom of what is going on. Why I have this raw, fragile space in my heart that effects so many areas of my life.
Have you ever felt raw?
Have you ever felt fragile?
Have you ever felt that your heart is so tender that even the slightest twist and turn in life throws you off balance? So tender that your heart feels like a precious piece of china to be handled with utmost care? There could be many reasons for this raw, fragile state we are in. I'm inclined to blame hormones (really!) but I've been there, done that and this is not the same.
If I'm totally honest with myself (I have no trouble spilling my guts with you, but getting honest--really honest--with myself is tough) I'm fragile because this past season of writing and meeting my manuscript deadline did a number on me like no other. It was emotional. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel exposed. I feel raw. Have you taken time to pray through your fragile, raw state?
Let's not let this season of RAW pass by in vain. What is it that God can teach us? What does He have for us as we live in the tenderness of heart?
Are we open to living in the raw with the knowledge that in the pain, in the fragile state is something to be uncovered...exposed? I'm still waiting on God to show me exactly what I need to learn. But, I'm going to embrace it...whatever it is...good or bad. Part of me is afraid of what this state of exposure will, in fact, expose in which Jesus can best refine.
You can bet I will report back soon on this, but in the meantime I would love to know your thoughts... Leave a comment...let's chat!