Originally published Monday, 02 July 2012.
She has found her thing. But it didn’t come easy…
Months ago, her teacher calls me in for a meeting. We have one of those gut-wrenching momma talks. The kind of talk that makes you question everything you’ve ever done as a mom.
I shouldn’t have let her have that paci so long.
I should’ve held her more.
I should’ve given her more attention when her sister was born.
“Mrs. Koziarz… I just feel like her confidence isn’t there.”
As a parent, fixing boo-boo’s has been easy: ice, peroxide, and a Band-Aid. Done. I’ve got that formula down.
But helping heal a child’s heart? There is so much involved and I feel very unqualified.
So, I began with this, “God, show me how to show her the great things you have for her life.”
Helping build my little girl’s confidence has been a process… a slow, trying and painful one. We’ve tried ballet lessons, t-ball, soccer and running. Everything.
Each season ends with our little girl lacking enthusiasm, smiles and… confidence. She stays in the shadow of her two other sisters as they continue to thrive in their activities. And my momma heart continues to ache, “God, what do we do now?”
Another confidence building effort begins a few months ago. Swim team.
I cross my fingers as she climbs into the pool for the first time. I whisper, “God, please let this be her thing.”
She smiles. She giggles. She sticks her head under the water and she… swims. Fast. Good. And strong.
I breathe a sigh of relief and text my mom a picture: “I think she’s found her thing!”
This weekend, I saw what can happen to a little girl who gets some confidence.
“Write EAT MY BUBBLES on my back,” she says as she hands me a sharpie.
I laugh and say, “Okay.”
“I’m swimming like I’m going to London today,” she confidently claims.
I pause. And in this very unexpected emotional moment, tears fill my eyes. I look her dead-on and say, “Yes, you swim like you are going to London today.”
She climbs into the pool for the last time this season and gives me the thumb’s up. The buzzer sounds and she swims like she has never swam before. Her confidence, her effort and her passion get her 2nd place.
I am the proudest momma at the pool.
Sometimes life leaves us feeling like we are unsuccessful at everything we do. Maybe we believe God has called us to do great things for His name but we have a hard time finding that “thing.”
We try things and we fail, again and again.
So, we stay in the shadows of others who seem to thrive and advance. New steps make us feel numb in the fear of looking foolish from failure again. Our confidence begins to feel very shaken.
I understand my friend… I have been there.
But, I’ve been trying to look at my God-journey this way:
Failure is not an option; it’s a requirement.
The God-confidence He longs for us to receive is found through those steps of failure. Because each step of failure breaks us out of ourselves so that God can bring us into Him.
But failure will not be beneficial until we move into a place of accepting our failures as efforts for our God-journey.
“Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God,” -1 Corinthians 10:31
So today, may we embrace our failures as steps of moving us closer to our God-thing. And through these steps, may we find confidence in our God to, “swim like we are going to London.”