Maybe I do need Him more than you.

Originally published Tuesday, 29 November 2011.

I have a friend who does not share my belief in who God is.

She feels like God is non-existent. She believes after we die, we will return to earth as a bug, tree, or maybe even another person.

We’ve had some intense and challenging conversations. But 95% of the time we agree to disagree.

Can I be honest for a moment?

There was a time in my life when I would avoid a person who felt so strongly opposed to my faith.

I don’t like intense fellowship. I don’t like conflict. I don’t like disagreements.

And, I like me some Jesus.

But, when my friend said that she thinks its an absurd notion to believe Jesus will be what ultimately brings us to heaven ... I agreed.

It is absurd.

It is crazy. It is wild-thinking. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Jesus is a scandalous message.

And thankfully, because of Jesus, I don’t feel like my faith is so fragile anymore. Now, I welcome the discussion with friends as to whether or not this Jesus-thing is the real deal.

In fact, I need these conversations in my life.

Because they make me see just how much I need Jesus.

Some days I believe I need Him more than anyone on this earth. Most days I’m convinced there is not a more messed up person who ever existed. I see so many flaws and mistakes that it leads my heart to a place of doom … without … Jesus.

So I understand, faith in who Jesus is often feels like a paradox.

How could it be true?

Why would it be true?

There was a time when my thoughts of Jesus went as deep as the felt-board character that Mrs. Nelly in the little Baptist church told us stories about.

Jesus was something I had to believe in … because its what I was told to believe in Him.

But today, I am seeing why I need Jesus so bad.

I’m seeing Jesus is my only source and my only option. {Psalm 121}

I’m seeing Jesus as the only constant in my life. Everything changes … but Him. {Hebrews 4:16}

I’m seeing Jesus as the man who offers me one agenda, love. {John 3:16}

The truth is, I see my greater need for Jesus each day because of the daily revelation I see of who I am without Him. And that isn't pretty...

So, maybe I do need Jesus more than you.

Maybe you need Jesus more than me.

But the one place where I rest my soul today is in knowing that He is more than enough … for all of us.

Our questions, doubts, and fears don’t offend Him.The struggles, guilt, and sins in our life don’t threaten Him. He’s never looked at a person on this earth and said, “Yes … you are going to be to much work for me, I think I’ll pass.”

He chooses you. He chooses me. He hand-picks us. He spent some amazing time dreaming us up.

The truth is, I see that I am a very unlikely Jesus girl. But I also see the girl I want to be ... and she is simply impossible to become without being connected to a God whose highest standard is grace.