I Don't Always Trust

Originally published Wednesday, 21 September 2011.

It was a moment my heart ached like no other.

I climbed into my red Jeep Wrangler, buckled my seat belt, put my car into reverse as fast as I could and sped down a dark country road.

The night sky was clear and every star shone so brightly. Tears poured down my face, I was in no condition to be driving. I flipped off the radio and began a fit of rage at God himself, “Why?! Why did you allow this to happen?”

I pulled over. The air was cold. I turned off the Jeep. The silence was eerie.

There was nothing I could do to change anything. What was going to be … was going to be.

Do you trust me?

The prompting on my heart of this question climbed through the layers of skepticism of who I really thought God was. Truth be told, I didn’t trust God.

I trusted Him when things were good, when life was easy, but in the lowest moment of my life?

I didn’t trust God.

I wish I could tell you that Jesus himself just showed up in my car that night and I never mistrusted God again.

But that is the furthest thing from the truth.

It would be years later before I could say I trusted God again. And even today … yes, I have trust issues with God.

Why is trusting God so hard?

There’s the obvious answer, you can’t see Him.

There’s the sensible answer, He’s mysterious.

Then there’s the overused answer, God's ways are just not our ways.

But today I’m thinking that trusting God is so much more than just a position we accept.

Trusting God is a place of response.

In my desperate situation that night what I really wanted to say to God was, “I need to trust you, more than ever.” My soul and my mouth just didn’t know how to connect that thought.

I need to trust you, Jesus.

In days where everywhere we turn there is uncertainty and fear, this practice of verbally placing our trust in Jesus can be powerful.

Today as I’m learning to trust God more, here are some things I’m saying aloud:

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to believe that you work all things out for your good. [Romans 8:28]

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to fight this battle I am facing. [Exodus 14:14]

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to be my God who provides beyond my limitations. [Philippians 4:19]

My heart wonders, what do you need to trust Jesus more than ever for today?

Today in the comments, lets verbally [well, virtually-verbally ] say what we need to trust Jesus more for. As you leave a comment, pray for the person above you. I am praying for you too.

Let’s start a movement … a movement of trusting God more.