Originally published Monday, 01 June 2015.
Sometimes I think I act like a fake Christian.
I come on this blog and talk the talk, but then at home, I drop the ball.
I raise my hands to pray, only to turn and go the opposite way.
I say in Jesus' name, and seconds later, wonder if my name still counts in his book.
I love other people, until it gets inconvenient.
These actions make me feel like an inadequate daughter, a lazy child and a no-good-worthy christian. They make me wonder if Jesus could really love a girl like this?
A girl who is so often just a Christian poser.
While I know Jesus extends me grace (which I gladly receive - in abundance), I still wonder - what rules - the flesh or the Spirit?
I say, "your will be done," and then say "I don't know when He will show up."
I utter, "you have this God," only to start to worry.
I seek his face, only to come face to face with the fact that he may not be happy with me.
I have looked at God in all the wrong way, because he is not:
a "convenient" Sovereign god.
a "genie-in-a-bottle" god.
a "call-in-case-of-emergency" god.
a "I-see-you-from-afar" god.
or a "I'll-only-love-you-if-your-good" god.
The truth is, the real truth, the I-have-to-cling-to-it truth is: he is the "I-will-always-be-with-you, the I-will never-leave-you, the you-can't-do-anything-to-make-me-stop-loving-you GOD.
He is the God who doesn't see me through the face of my mistakes,
but by through the power of his sacrifice.
It's as if he simply sees through my inadequacies,
straight into the reflection of his heart.
He fully loves. He doesn't love when all goes well as I am so prone to do - and so prone to expect him to do - but he loves infinitely, incredibly and unduly.
God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ... Eph. 2:4-5
I am not alive to me. I am dead to me. I am alive to Christ.
In this, he doesn't call me to be put together, he calls me to be broken apart so that he can do his part. His part is creating me into his work of art.
Today, we walk with a work-in-progress sign on, but tomorrow we won't need a sign. In heaven, all signs will point to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit - the complete fulfillment of all meaning. Here, God will be faithful to unveil, us, his greatest completed works of art in his perfect glory.
We won't have to worry about imperfections, inadequacies or incapabilities, because we will be simply in awe of who he made us to be.
God created the earth and that is astounding. Can you even imagine how astounding we will look as God completes his final strokes? A painting is never completely understood until the very end. It will all become clear.
God is the definition of artistry. We never think of him that way, do we?
All of today, are the small workings of his beauty. Rest, my fellow work-in-progress sign carrier, we will one day be completed.
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:14