Originally published Tuesday, 14 July 2015.
What happens when your mind is dead set on expecting a dream?
You visualize the smiling and congratulatory faces as it comes true.
You hear the cheers of acclaim wildly reverberating in your heart.
You can only imagine how things would change, "If..."
You see it - your heart could finally lay down and rejoice, find relaxation and peace, if only...
This is how it works for me.
My dreams seem to hold the power to be the
Creator and Originator of my present anxious feelings.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Mt. 7:7
Surely, God loves to hear my prayers,
I think he just doesn't want to have to lay his eyes on my idols.
So often, I have grabbed on to the future's potential like a kid trying to grab hold of a cloud. I have tried to hug what was never mine to begin with. I have tried to own what was miles away, as if by continuing to see it and reach it and demand it and cry about it and keep my eyes set on it and daydream about it and talk about it- it will never have the chance to fade away.
But, sometimes it does.
It just vaporates. It just disappears.
And then I am left devastated, demolished and simply agitated
at God for abandoning me.
Does the God of peace intend this turbulence of our hearts?
I realize that in the times I expected big bucks, big cheers and big sensational feelings - I missed my big God. I missed the quiet moment of expecting his comfort, his leading and his power as he tried to guide my heart down a different path. I missed the powerful show of his presence in small ache of my heart as I cried out for "more"- because my eyes were set on "my dream."
How often do we say, "I'm not looking at you God. I want this!"?
Why does it feel that what we claim, should be ours? Front Seat, I called it!
As if when we do enough "knee-time" God sees exactly how dream-worthy we are. Can't he see I am doing the "hard time?"
I think God made me a dreamer. Not for my glory, but for his. Not for my wild imaginings, but for his outpourings.
My ways lead to foolery. (Prov. 12:15)
My ways seem right and end in death (Prov. 14:12)
I may chart my course, but the Lord owns my footsteps. (Prov. 16:9)
If God owns the way I head, how can I war against him?
Ask not - what are my dreams, ask what are his dreams - for me?
His will will be done, no matter how much I hold "my will" hostage, saying "you're not going anywhere." And, even if my will is permitted, in the end my heart will suffer the damage.
God loves us. He loves our dreams. He loves our passion. Even more, he loves our heart.
May the internal knitting of our dreams always be stitched up tight into the fabric of his love, his grace and his power. May the patches of our hope link together solely through the power of his Spirit in us. May our ears be inclined to listen and our eyes be inclined to see - his paths, his heart to love and his example of death when he desired life.
The paths of humility.
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." Ja. 4:6
Where do you want us to go God? Not our will, but your will (truly, honestly, hopefully) be done. We know, by our own power we will fall straight down and bruise our knee. We can't get out of ourself, but with you - and your example of Jesus - we can get back up again and walk towards your purposes by your Spirit that removes the old us, from the new us. Amen.
the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. Ps. 147:11
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