Originally published Wednesday, 09 December 2015.
Sometimes, the days feel more like I am stuck in an epic disaster than a classic romance story. I battle to push away wars not bubbles, tears not swing seats and fears not frozen stances of awe. Often, I feel like I am a baby entering a battlefield unprepared, rather than a soldier entering in with the arsenal of the Pinterest mommy.
Then, I feel guilty for being bad.
I feel the burden of being the deadbeat mom.
I feel shaken by the small blowups regarding small circles of cereal.
Before you say things to me, my mom friends. I know stuff.
I know stuff like:
Even though my heart longs for the quiet tenderness of God's arms, God's arms extend to the disheveled mayhem of my day.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)
A moms job is her highest calling.
Got it. And thank you for that.
Now that we have that out of the way, can I be honest with you for a second? Can I ask you one honest, woman-to-woman question?
Why did God take woman and tell her to be still with him,
only to throw her to the wolves of toddlerism?
Why does he seemingly remove peace with God
to replace it with war with kids?
My heart has taken these questions, ripped them apart, shred by shred, and sat with the fragments of ugly reality. The shards, torn even more apart by my apparent inability.
And, I realize...
Sitting in the center of shards - is just where God wants me.
Sitting in the center of shards - is where God's repair is found.
Sitting in the center of shards - is sitting in the center of needy,
the place where he knows first-aid is crucial.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Is. 40:29
God doesn't tell me to buck up and press on,
he tells me to hunker down and cry out like a child.
And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Mt. 18:3
He whispers, "Hand me the shards.
I will knit together a house called holy."
"Hurry up and tantrum before me,
and I will calm your worst fears."
"You don't have to look like a Christmas portrait of excellence,
because I am your excellence."
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:10
God doesn't leave the mess, their mess, our mess and call it an abomination to all his white-laced glory. He looks at it to say, "Dear child, don't miss it, you are standing in the midst of my glory. And I love how you run to receive my help."
Carry on, friends, carry on.
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