Originally published Friday, 23 October 2015.
Epiphany! It is a risk. It is a breakthrough. It is a rarity. Unbelievably, it just happens. We can't demand it or force it. But, when it happens, your insides do a million little cheers because what you couldn't see before all of a sudden makes sense. Yes! It happened to me. God pushed down a blockade that has been at least 10-years old and 10-yards thick. With my insides broken, things look different. The potential looks frankly fantastic and tangibly terrifying all at the same time.
Here is the deal, for so long, my agenda is always to have an agenda:
You have a problem?
This is what you should do.
The kid is crying too much?
I have to figure out every last thing to get him to stop so my head won't explode.
The plan is unsure?
I will worry my little mind off until something formalizes in my mind.
The husband and I are working together?
I will tell him exactly how to move the couch in the right way.
A family member is in a bad mood?
I tell them to get feeling better so we can start enjoying the day.
God doesn't answer?
I will be under-the-skin angry at him for not showing up my prayed for "way."
I am horrified at my inability to succeed. I am embarrassed you see me. I defend myself tooth, nail and mouth running 100 miles an hour.
When we manage life, life ends up managing us.
It manages to put us into a hole of anxiety, turmoil and defeat. It manages to make our feelings slaves to other's emotions, circumstances and outright fear.
How can we be in service to God, while we are in service to fear?
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. Ro. 8:38
If this is the truth, if nothing separates me,
shouldn't my heart be almost laying right on top of God's in every
encounter, situation, and moment?
Shouldn't I almost feel our hearts beating together and moving as one?
Shouldn't I not be standing on my feet, but trusting, or "bittachon"ing in Hebrew, which means leaning on?
Shouldn't I be less concerned about standing up and
more concerned with falling into God's fix-it, love-it, help-it, I-have-it hands?
Then, perhaps, I actually won't feel separated. Then, I won't hold him and others at an arms length. Then, I won't be ruled by the same driving force that compels the devil's parade for power. Then, I will actually give God a chance to work. Then, God and I will be one. In my terrifying moments of uncertainty, he will actually become my certainty. He will be the only surety, the only hope, the only way.
Not through my way, but by me actually living God's way.
Can you imagine the faith-strides that will happen through a true core belief that says,
in every single solitary situation, "God, this one-is-all you"?
What role do you need to forgo to see God's hand go wild on your behalf?
Is it being a "mom"ager, a dictator, a fixer, an "advice"r, a "peace-maker,"
a ruler, a helper, a planner or an antagonizer?
Maybe you want to join me on this 30-day challenge?
Will you join me in picking one way that you want to pack away for 30 days?
For me, it looks like this: I am making one small decision to bow down to my husband. Starting today, I will not advise, fix, control, manage, plan, help, counsel, instruct, teach, come up with different ideas, endlessly question, give the one-eyebrow raise or offer the silent treatment to get what I want. For thirty days, I will answer everything he says by "leaning in" on God. I will not offer comebacks. I will learn to offer R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the places where I have relied on D-I-S-T-R-U-S-T.
I will say, "yes," rather than give my off-the-cuff "no."
I am going to lay it all down to honor him. For one month, I am going to see what it feels like to shut my mouth, open my ears and to soften my heart. I trust that God will open great plan in the places where I might feel defeated, unsure, and tumultuous.
For 30-days, I am going to let my husband rule unhindered. What a risk! What craziness! What a nut! Yes, I am, I am so nutty that I think God will do some absurd, fanatical and wild things; I am willing to see what I have missed out on for so long. For 30 days, I can survive. For 30 days, I can see what happens.
What is God calling you to go a little bit "wild" on?
Is it a challenge like mine?
Or maybe he is calling you in an entirely different way to submission? To service? To love?
Maybe his calling you to step out, so he can work-in-
as you trust him.
Every Monday for the next 3 weeks, I am going to reflect on this journey, my progress and letting go of control. I would love for you to join me as I "Say no to saying no to my husband," and as you ____________ (tell me in the comments)?
Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ...Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. Eph. 5,7-8
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