Originally published Thursday, 12 May 2016.
I’m sitting here this morning completely overwhelmed by tasks on my to-do lists. I decided to write to you, anyway, because I’m wondering what you’re doing and if you feel weighted down as well. Do you? Also, when I feel as if I’m drowning, I tend to procrastinate. Here’s what is swirling through my mind: I need to reposition myself in faith. Don’t worry, I haven’t lost faith in Christ, but my faith in what I’m able to accomplish, if I’m going to be honest, is dwindling. I guess I need a good solid reminder to remove myself from the equation and depend fully on Him. I can’t do it alone. No way; no how!
Lately, I’ve decided to strip some layers. Here’s what I mean by this: I need to follow where He leads and stop worrying about trying to be the best at every task He gives me. I need to pour myself into it, because He’s called me, but I’m desperate for Him to carry me. I cannot carry myself. It’s physically and emotionally impossible.
I’m finally okay with not being the best at everything. For three straight semesters, I’ve been studying, writing papers, and reading text books. I’ve yet to receive a 4.0 GPA. I started out with that goal but quickly was faced with a reality check. It came by way of looking into four other faces with whom I share a residence. In this home I wear the title matriarch. Or, is it maid? Believe it or not, these people get hungry, expect clean clothes, a clear path to walk through, and, occasionally, they expect me to be available for needs only I can meet. The nerve! (I’m just kidding, I love every minute of it! Well, most minutes of it.)
I’m an okay writer, a decent speaker, a so-so musician, and truthfully, I’m becoming accepting of all of this mediocrity. Why? Because here is what I thrive at being: I’m a daughter of the King, available to be used by Him, willing to do things I’m scared to death to do, and ready to go to battle in prayer for every woman who visits my blog or reads my books. I won’t sell out and be a pretender. I don’t care if the whole world knows me or only you who is reading right now knows who I am. You’re enough for me! I’m not going to try selling you everything, pull you into donating to tons of charities, and I’m not going to schmooze other writers. I’m me! If I promote something it’s because I feel God has led me to do so and that is it! If I connect with another writer it’s because I believe in their ministry. Bottom line.
Listen, I don’t know what your list entails or what you’re going though on a personal level, but I can tell you this. Jesus tells us nothing is impossible and that we can do all things. Will we be the best at everything? Nope. I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m a truth teller. However, if you’re called to do it, regardless of your skill level, He’s going to take you to places you never thought. Some welcome; some not. He’s going to bless you beyond your wildest imagination. That means sometimes you’ll have to work to make sense of the blessing because it’s wrapped in mud and hindsight is 20/20. I bet I’m your favorite encourager today, huh?
Also, God is willing to use your life. it’s sort of His jam. Did I really just say that? Tell me this: Why in the world would we choose to sit dormant in our gifts when we could be used to erupt passion and purpose? And, by the way, God does nothing mediocre. We might, and He might use us, but He will accomplish greatness… no thanks to us.
If you’re anything like me then all this is a process and it takes time to arrive where I’m finding myself. Don’t be afraid to strip the layers of guilt or condemnation holding you back from doing everything it is He’s called you to accomplish. You might not be the best, but if you live with a heart bent toward Him, you’ll be His best. And, friend, that’s all that matters!
So, reposition your faith and take yourself out of the equation. All faith needs to be in Him. Yes, we all have work to do and we need to do the best we can, but when God calls us, He will also carry us.
And, in everything, be honest and give grace.