Originally published Tuesday, 21 June 2016.
I’ve been through this before.
The Great Potter placing me on His miraculously transforming wheel.
Life as I know it, spinning all around me, causing blurred vision.
Why am I experiencing confusion? I have asked myself several times.
If God was working in my life, this shouldn’t cause confusion or make me feel anxious for loss of control.
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints (1 Corinthians 14:33 NKJV).
Then today it hit me.
If I would just take my eyes off of my surroundings and what was going on all around me, and fix my gaze upon the Potter and see His hands gently, yet firmly and securely holding me, my vision would not be blurry or cause anxiety, but become clear again. I will receive clarity.
And His peace comes.
Because of this lack of clarity, I haven’t been able to write. I guess I was experiencing writer’s block and didn’t want to address it.
I just assumed that I didn’t have time because my focus was on other things, good things, helpful things, productive things, but things the enemy was using as a tool to distract nonetheless.
Distraction from my writing. Distraction from my marriage and son. And most importantly, distraction from my time with the Lord.
I have heard Him speak, and have continued to keep up with my Bible reading, but my ear has not been pressed to His heart or leaned in to hear every soft whisper.
When you are anointed of the Lord and you know that you are called and most definitely, chosen, you can’t go on living like that for very long without feeling like something is missing.
It didn’t take long for me to notice that God was working in my heart even if I wasn’t asking Him to at the moment.
I’ve prayed many times before for Him to mold me, to change me from the inside out, and to use me for His glory as His vessel to flow through.
Disclaimer: If you are going to pray a bold prayer like that, you better be prepared for God to answer you whenever He wants to and however often He wants to!
Certain hobbies, passions, and interests just don’t seem as interesting anymore. I can’t explain to you why that is except that God is changing my desires.
I don’t really know how it happens, but I do believe it happens when our eyes start to stray from the Lord and become fixated and overly concerned with other people, activities, places.
If you are a child of God, He will let you know when you have lifted up your soul to an idol.
You can of course ignore that nudge or heart check, but I would much rather be by God’s side than off alone on my own!
For me, that nudge came from simple convictions during discussion times at my church community group and during Sundays' sermons. God uses His Word and other people to get messages to us.
He used both to really drive home the point that my priorities were seriously out of order and that I was dangerously close to worshiping other passions instead of Him.
Sometimes if you still can’t put Him first, He will close doors or He will begin to change your heart towards that particular potential idol in your life. Apparently I didn’t do a great job seeking Him first after the initial conviction to re-order things so that’s exactly what the Lord did in my life and heart.
Now here I am again. Standing still and asking God what really has to go and what I should continue to pursue all for His glory.
Ask and you shall know. Seek and you shall find.
He has sent people my way to get me back on track to my true calling, as a solider in the army of God and a daughter in His Kingdom. I haven’t stopped longing to give God glory in all that I say and do, but I believe I have started to pursue an inferior purpose.
Sometimes it’s easier to pursue “callings” that you are able to control the outcome, but that doesn’t take much faith or trust in God. For me, I need to stay as far away from those pursuits as possible, even if they make me feel accomplished and comfortable. As a struggling control freak and recovering perfectionist, I can become my worst enemy in this case.
When God calls you to do something for Him, it requires faith and trusting in Him to see it unfold in your life. This means there are a lot of unknowns and surrender of your control. There is no fast-track formula to success when you are following God’s plan for your life.
Instead of allowing the fear of rejection and the feeling of inadequacy to hold me back, I’m staring at that calling and trusting God to make a way for me to walk it out. I’m completely relying on HIS ability and strength.
I do the possible and He does the impossible, and there will be so much grace to accompany me in the process.
If my dream or calling can be accomplished in my own ability, it probably isn’t a dream God is calling me to pursue for His glory, but my own.
And that is how I can test myself to see if I am walking in God’s will or not.
I want God’s grace by humbly declaring my weakness more than the pride I receive from my accomplishments in my own strength.
And that is how I know God has been changing my desires.
Thank you for joining me on this journey as I chase God’s dream that He has for me to do. One heart check after the other.
I’m a work in progress and I’m thankful I’m not the one doing all the work!
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2: 10 NKJV).
Check out more of my blogs on www.emilyrosemassey.com! Also, visit my website for more information on how to stay connected with me, as well as info about my book Yielded in His Hands- now available on Amazon.com!