Originally published Thursday, 20 August 2015.
I have written in a journal for a majority of my life. Growing up, I mostly just used my “diary” as a place to record life occurrences and how they made me feel.
Today I went to the Zoo with my family. It was sunny and beautiful outside. Then we went to get ice cream. It was a good day.
As I got older, you would often find my notebooks full of depressing poetry from all of my numerous heart-aches throughout the years.
Very emotionally artistic.
But in 2011, a few years after finding my way back to the Lord and learning to walk with Him once again, He began speaking to my heart in a mighty way and suddenly, my journals were full of prophetic words and songs straight from the throne room of God.
As time went on, I realized there were common words and themes written throughout the pages of my journals. I then began to highlight them, underline, and circle words so that I could go back and see the clear messages from the Lord.
And just like God created seasons for us to experience in the natural, He also created seasons of spiritual rhythm for us to ride out.
This morning God lead me to flip through my current journal to find out what season I’ve been in and what He has been saying to me this whole time.
Of course in the natural, I know that I’ve been in a new season of motherhood. And although my son is a total blessing, these last five months have been a healing process for me.
Now in the spiritual, shortly after my son was born, the Lord had told me that He was bringing me into a season of restoration and refreshing.
But for the last five months, I have not felt restored or refreshed at all.
In all honesty, our home has felt like a war-zone. My husband and I have been experiencing some serious spiritual warfare both individually and in our marriage.
So as I browsed the pages of the last few months in my journal I noticed that all I could talk about was the fight, struggle, or battle. I continued to call on the strength of the Lord and proclaim God’s goodness and faithfulness, but that didn’t mean this fight wasn’t difficult.
I was exhausted and struggled to hang onto my hope. I felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me. Restoration didn’t seem anywhere in sight.
Over the last month, I have been regaining my strength to fight back. I know it’s because I’ve finally stood up to the enemy and stopped allowing him to fill my head with his lies.
And just like Ephesians 6 tells me to do, I’m going to stand. And stand. And STAND!
As I regain my strength to stand firm, I feel the Lord restoring me.
This morning as I stared at the words “SEASON OF RESTORATION,” my eyes caught a phrase that I wrote down during a Sunday night service at my church in December. We had a guest speaker that night and because of my gracious mother-in-law, it was the first church service that I got to attend without distraction. Three months later I found revelation from these words:
“Some things have to die so that other things can come alive.”
God promised a season of restoration, but first, things needed to “die.”
So although the battle rages on, I know God is restoring me in the midst of the fight. With every bit of resistance, my faith muscles are getting stronger and stronger.
Instead of focusing on the struggle, I’m going to lean into the promise.
Even if it takes time, I know the Lord will bring my brokenness to full restoration.
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