Dr. Ann @ The Marriage Checklist

Why You Should (And How You Can) Develop The Practice Of Praise
- 2014 Aug 05
Do you recall a time when praise gave you a lift?
I’ve enjoyed recreational swimming ever since my college roommate and I signed up for an endurance swimming class in our sophomore year. However, over time my stroke had become a diminished version of its former self – it had gotten a little sloppy. So I recently asked a life guard at the local pool to give me some pointers as I did laps. After a few weeks of fighting the water (as he looked on grimly), I heard him say, “That was decent.” And it brought a smile to my face.
We all enjoy and need praise! But did you know that praise is actually a two-way street? Let’s look closer at its benefits, and how you can develop the practice of praise in your own life.
It’s important to realize that each one of us is wired for validation. Self-esteem, the buzzword of our times, is a misnomer. None of us can simply approve of ourselves. People with good self-esteem got it from somewhere else first. They got it from someone else first, someone who first gave them approval and affirmation.
Given this deep and basic need of the human heart, when you praise another person, you give them a wonderful gift. But the gift is also to the giver. As we express our praise for others, it opens our own hearts to the blessings that surround us. It builds our awareness of what we have to be grateful for. Giving praise shines a spotlight on the grace that is already shining in on our lives.
How can you develop the life-giving and life-filling practice of praise?
Warmly,
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(photo credit: asenat29)
How To Say It Even Better (Without Saying A Word)
- 2012 Dec 11
Have you ever noticed that what goes unsaid often says so much?
Albert Mehrabian is the UCLA professor who uncovered some famous research findings on non-verbal communication. He found that when people were asked to talk about their feelings to each other, the non-verbal content accounted for 93% of the conversation.
In business, law, and medicine, this observation has gotten a lot of mileage. Body language is taught as a way of building alliances and keeping the door open between doctors and patients, bosses and employees, colleagues and clients.
How can this same observation about body language help you?
Non-verbal language is a key way we convey to others that we are paying attention. In our culture of emailing, texting, linking in, and tweeting, it’s easy to forget the profound impact of not only the words we say, but how we say them.
Here are some ways to say it better, before you say a word.
This week’s self-reflection: Do you make an effort to be fully present when you are interacting with another person? Are you aware of how your body language affects them?
This week’s call to action: As you go about your day, take steps to engage the people around you more fully through non-verbal language. Start out with one or two of the steps above, until they become more natural. Add to your repertoire consistently. Over time, you will be able to speak a whole new language.
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Do You Need To Persevere?
- 2012 Nov 20
“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
- Hebrews 12:1
For many women, the season of life around marriage and motherhood can be a wonderful. Yet it is also often intense. (Can I get an “Amen!”?) There are spouses to tend to. There are children to pick up, drop off, and go after. Careers have deadlines and meetings. There may be parents who now need you. Dinnertime arrives like clockwork – every single day. And there are other unexpected fires that suddenly catch aflame. The experience can feel like jumping in the deep end of the pool without quite having all the strokes you need to get to the other side.
Given these daily challenges, I want to talk with you about how to grow your ability to persevere.
Perseverance is a simple, humble trait that is like the inexorable effect of water against mountains of rock. It can help you be effective against even your biggest challenges.
It may not be a practice that comes easily at first. We live in a time where instant answers and fast outcomes are the expected norm. Yet we are still finite, imperfect human beings and our lives will constantly reflect that truth. We must learn how to keep pressing onward, despite our imperfections.
So how do you cultivate a spirit of perseverance in the face of the challenges and obstacles that are a part of life?
This week’s self-reflection: Do you notice a spirit of perseverance within you? Do you find that despite the things you may not be able to do, you make the choice to keep pressing onward? Or does your energy get drained by the things that don’t work out?
This week’s call to action: Consider one of your difficult tasks or challenges, and choose to focus on what you can do. Don’t demand huge results from yourself. Simply do what you can do today. Celebrate the gifts when they come. Accept God’s plan being played out in your life. Then you will find the seeds of courage and encouragement to put one foot in front of the other today, tomorrow, and the next.
Warmly,
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(photo credit: steve garner)