Originally published Saturday, 11 May 2013.
Sometimes I feel like a little girl trying to run ahead of her Father because she’s so eager to find out where He’s leading her. At the slightest indication, I begin to imagine scenarios of where my life might be headed. I begin to think that I know exactly where God is leading me and I start to make plans.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
–Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)
Never has that verse struck such a chord in me as it does as I sit here writing this. Today was supposed to be my wedding day, the day I had dreamt about since I was a little girl, the day that I would walk down an aisle to begin a new chapter in my life with the man that I loved.
That was my plan, but it wasn’t God’s.
He has made it evident to me that it wasn’t supposed to work out, and while I am sad at what was lost, God has also filled me with a peace that I’ve never felt before.
He’s using this season of life to teach me lesson after lesson and one of the biggest is He’s made me see my lack of trust in His plan. I’ve always said that I’ve trusted God and I’ve always believed that I trusted God, but I’ve come to realize that while I have truly wanted to trust Him, I have always felt like I had to maintain some control over my life’s plan.
He’s teaching me that I really don’t have control over anything.
He’s teaching me that He is working even when I can’t see it or feel it.
He’s teaching me that there is a reason for everything even when it hurts.
He’s teaching me to pray big, pray specifically and believe that He will come through.
He’s teaching me to let go and let Him do what He’s going to do. He doesn’t need my help.
What He does want is my trust in Him alone. He wants me to be obedient and He wants me to slow down and follow Him instead of trying to rush ahead.
Instead of running past Him, I’m learning to slow down and walk behind my loving Father following His footsteps every step of the way.