An Uncertain Journey

Originally published Tuesday, 23 February 2021.

“If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the utmost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” 

Psalm 139:9-10

Two years ago my husband’s job came to an unexpected end.  We had just relocated to take this job four months earlier and had just bought our first house when everything seemed to come crashing down.   

I had dreamed of owning a home since junior high and after 14 years of marriage, it had finally happened.  We were settled and I was excited to be putting down roots.

The kids were happy.  I was happy. 

 My husband was not.  

Then the job loss happened.  

I didn’t know why God was allowing us to walk through such an uncertain time, but initially, I was positive that I could do something about it.  I was working part-time and focusing on our young children, but I was sure that I could take more on until my husband found new employment.  

For three weeks I searched diligently for anything that would work with the current job I had.  It was only part-time, but I loved it.  I also wanted something that wouldn’t cause my children to miss out on having their mom around.  

I searched and searched.  

My husband was also seeking employment without success.  

We were going to lose the house.  I knew it.

The house I had always wanted.  The house I had never felt I deserved because it was the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood.  I had made friends.  Our kids had made friends. That was important.

I was afraid.

And then the Lord spoke to me, “Will you give up the house for me?”

I knew it wasn’t just the house.  It was everything.  Everything I had ever wanted was finally within my grasp…and yet, not at all within my grasp.  I could sense it slipping through my tightly gripped fingers.

I thought about it for a few days.  The Lord was patient.  But, finally, he asked again while I absently folded laundry and fretted. 

“Will you give it all to me?”

I truly wanted to be able to.

And, then with grace not from myself, I realized that I could.  

Yes, I could give the house, and every other comfort and dream, to God.  I knew that it was already his anyway.  I was simply relinquishing my grip.

And then there was peace.  

I didn’t want to lose my home or go bankrupt, but I had peace that God was taking us through a storm that we would survive.  And with peace came assurance.  Even if it didn’t look the way I wanted it to, God would direct our path.

Guess what?  It did not look the way I wanted it to.

My husband found a job that paid less, and we squeaked along for a couple of months while we tried to figure out what to do.  Three months later my husband received a job offer that excited him but made my heart sink.  Another move would be required, but not just any move.  A move back to a place I had longed to escape.  A place I felt alone, hurt, and unhappy.  A place I wasn’t sure could ever be home.

Yet I knew.

I knew God was calling us back in a different capacity and for a different season.  While my husband pined for a job he really wanted, God began to move my stubborn, cold heart.  Nearly a year after we had first moved away we moved back with new hearts, new direction, and new purpose.  A purpose that, in the end, was far grander than either of us could have ever dreamed.  I don’t know how long this new season will last or what is down the road.  What I do know, is that God is good and faithful, and even in uncertain times, I can always be certain of Him.

Jacqi Kambish

Jacqi Kambish is a mom to three spirited children striving to balance the daily demands of parenting a child with special needs, homeschooling, and writing.  She earned a Bachelor’s of Science in Bible Theology and Youth Ministry from William Jessup University.  Jacqi lives with her family in the San Juan Mountains of Colorado and enjoys reflectively writing about parenting, faith, and the joys and trials of life while leaving her readers with hope and encouragement.  You can find her on Facebook.