Anchored Voices is a collaborative blog founded by Chara Donahue where Christians can use their words and creativity to point each other to the God who cares. It was conceived to foster a hope-filled community where we can remind one another that when the waves of life hit—in Jesus, the soul is safe. You can read more from them at AnchoredVoices.com.
I crammed the square of chocolate into my mouth in wonderful anticipation of the smooth sweet taste. My salivary glands were already reacting when my brain fired off an alert and my senses went reeling. Something was terribly wrong. I glared at my older brother who sat nearby with watchful eyes and knowing smirk while I spit the bitter brown nugget from my mouth.
“What is that?” I yelled at him, my eyes flashing in anger and horror.
“Chocolate,” He replied with a laugh forming on his lips.
“No it isn’t!” I protested as I tried to punch him; he was too quick for me. My Mom emerged from the house, “What are you shouting about?”
“He’s trying to poison me. He said it was chocolate! It tastes like death!”
She turned toward my brother as he shrugged with a smile, “What? It was chocolate. Baker’s chocolate, but still chocolate,” he looked at me, “relax, you aren’t gonna die.”
My Mom sighed, “Kinda mean though.”
I shot darts from my eyes at my brother as I went to get a drink and wash the bitter taste from my mouth.
I’ve never forgotten that taste of baker’s chocolate, but I’ve come to know another kind of bitterness as well; the pain of a bitter heart.
I’ve also discovered that it isn’t as easy to wash away the bad taste in my heart as it was the bitter taste from my mouth.
It hurts more.
And when something once sweet turns bitter, the result seems all the more pungent; all the more unbearable.
Maybe that’s why addressing bitterness is a long, hard road.
You can’t just cover bitterness up, it has to be washed away and cleansed completely. I only know one Person who can totally manage my heart.
I’ve faced my fair share of bitterness. In the past, I’ve try to force myself to get over it, but some things aren’t that easy. Even when I thought I’d moved passed it, I’d come to realize I hadn’t. I’d see the person in church or at school or wherever I ran into them and suddenly I would know. The taste of loathing would find its way to my tongue, and I would know I hadn’t fully addressed the shadows in my heart.
Not very long ago, I had to work through those dark corners within me once again. I stared at the object of my dismay across the room as she tipped her head back and laughed. I knew from the ugly feelings bubbling up inside me that I hadn’t properly dealt with the hurt.
Had we been friends…once upon a time?
I supposed, in my grumpy state, that perhaps I had only thoughtwe were friends. Perhaps we never had been friends at all. I felt betrayed, cast aside, and neglected. I felt foolish and alone. But even more, I felt ashamed that those feelings were twisting up inside of me because when I looked in the mirror and faced them, I saw how ugly they really were.
Every time I thought I could stuff them down and make them go away, I was reminded that the bitterness still raged like a monster inside of me.
It wasn’t totally her fault; life had happened and I got left behind. It wasn’t malicious, but it still hurt. My problem wasn’t her though. Not really. It was all the lies I believed about myself.
The lie that I was better than my feelings and that I didn’t need to address them because they were silly.
The lie that I wasn’t worthwhile or valued.
The lie that I wasn’t pretty enough, or smart enough or good enough.
The lie that I wasn’t needed and that it made me void of purpose.
The lie that I could be easily forgotten.
The lies hurt, the loss of friendship hurt and bitterness crept in. I wanted to spit it out, but I couldn’t. It stayed with me far too long.
It was then that I confessed to the LORD and asked the LORD to heal my wounded heart. It was then that I confessed my feelings to trusted members of my church and asked for prayer, and it was then that the healing truly began.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16
When I finally faced the darkness in my own heart I realized I needed to confess and ask for prayer. The change in my heart didn’t happen right away. It was slow progress. Still, God began to soften my heart toward the other person. He started to show me that she was hurting in her own ways as well. He started to create compassion within me. Slowly, the compassion edged out the bitterness until all that remained was a genuine love, peace, and freedom I didn’t know was possible.
It wasn’t my doing.
I didn’t change me; God did.
But I let him.
And as I let him change my heart, he also showed me the truth about myself:
That those lies I believed where indeed lies. My value doesn’t come from being loved by people, but by belonging to God and being loved by him. That is the sweetest truth of all.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:3
Jacqi Kambish is a Christian mom to three spirited children striving to balance the daily demands of parenting a child with special needs and meeting the needs of typically developing siblings while working full time and writing. She earned a Bachelor’s of Science in Bible Theology and Youth Ministry from William Jessup University. Jacqi lives with her family in the San Juan Mountains of Colorado and enjoys reflectively writing about parenting, faith, and the joys and trials of life while leaving her readers with hope and encouragement. Her blog The Presumptuous Ladybug can be found at and you can connect with her on Facebook.
Images found @Pixabay
Last week a beautiful thing happened—a friend dropped by. No planning, no consulting our schedules to pencil in a playdate in six weeks pending the weather, possible illness, and the unforeseen mishaps that are bound to happen. Just a knock at the door.
As we sat amidst my laundry, watching little ones play we chatted about life. As we took breaks to feed children or put a grumpy baby to bed, we coached the littles on friendship 101. Don’t pinch. Give her space. You can play with it when she is done. Gentle. Be slow to anger, she didn’t realize that hurt you. Yelling isn’t how we talk to our friends.
It is good advice for us all.
Later, they will learn to keep confidences, cheer one another on, and be includers. To care for one another’s broken hearts, and forgive one another.
One another is really what friendship is about. As Christians, friendship is not simply based on common interests or places in life, but on the fact that as followers of Jesus we are family. Beyond stage of life, race, or ambition we are called to relationship. Because of this, the one another includes the other.
" Love one another with {Sisterly} affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10
While the Bible doesn’t have a top 10 list of friendship do’s and don’ts, when I think about the way a family should treat one another, I continue to gain more insight into how redeemed sister-friendship works.
…But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
There is no need to clean yourself up to join the family, and we shouldn’t permit the facade of perfection to remain within our friendships. Family gets to see all sides of you: morning bedhead, messy room, the struggling, and succeeding. There is a vulnerability in sharing your real life, and this is exactly where we begin to connect deeply with one another as sister-friends. Past the Pinterest projects and small talk is the part of your soul made for real inter-dependence.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16
I vividly remember the first time I sat across from a friend and confessed an area I’d been struggling that I hoped to never say out loud. Years later, I don’t remember even what I actually confessed, but I remember the deep relief and healing I felt as she said out loud that God had already forgiven me and she forgave me as well. We need people in our lives who can tell us the truth, hear us out, and pray for us.
Tim Keller reminds us that "Martin Luther opened the Reformation by nailing the 'Ninety-five Theses' to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany. The very first of the theses stated that 'our Lord and Master Jesus Christ . . . willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.'” Indeed, we are people who not only say we are in need of the change God can bring in our life on day one of following Jesus but also on every day after that. In our relationships, this means we are to be sisters and friends who are real about the places we are struggling and are pointing one another back to the good news of the gospel.
…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13
Friendship has a certain quality of commitment that is never stated in vows, signed on a legal document, or even agreed upon in a conversation. Instead, day in and day out we begin to do the things that make relationships last and slowly a foundation is built. Part of that foundation must be forgiveness or the relationship will not stand the test of time. People do fail, and no one but Jesus is perfect. We are able to forgive one another because we know that God has forgiven us.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
As sisters we hold front row seats to each other’s life. We must cheer each other on both in times of joy and pain. I find that most people are great at half of this verse. We have the encouraging cheerleader party thrower types who celebrate well when a friend gets a promotion, begins a romantic relationship, has a baby, or is just excited for the new hobby she started. On the other hand, there are the mercy-filled empathetic types who sit and weep with those struggling with illness, infertility, loss of a job, disappointment, or marriage trouble. We default to one side but miss out if we don’t learn to give both rejoicing and weeping.
For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them. Romans 12 :4-6a
For some reason, it is difficult to see in ourselves the ways that God has made us and gifted us. We need our sisters to point out how they see God at work through us, and how our gifts are needed. So next time you see a friend excelling at something, let them know. Because we are not alone in this journey. We were designed to encourage, help, and serve those whom God loves, those He created in His image. We were designed to love one another.
Holly is a wife of 7 years as well as mom to a teenager (by adoption) and a child she’ll meet in heaven. She’s been a foster mom to 10 kids in the last 3 years and works part-time as a church bookkeeper. She loves interacting with people who are hungry for change and ready to see God at work in their lives. She studied Intercultural Studies at Corban University and loves to build bridges between cultures and people.
Images found at Pixabay
A parent embodies home, or should, at least. We all began existence within our mother’s body, the womb our first home. Instinctively, children return to mom and dad for safety, sustenance, and support. Our houses may change, but our parents should always feel like home, that is, they were meant to. Sadly, too many of us have had parents that didn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t be that sanctuary for us. Whether you had parents who incarnated shalom for you or not, the following is of imperative importance.
What is often unknown, or ignored, is the fact that before we were in our mother’s womb, the creative, giving, life-ordaining mind of God purposed each of us. It is with our Father that we have our true beginning, our true place, our true home. Likewise, it is in God’s accepting, receiving, redeeming presence that we will again return home.
Homing pigeons illustrate homecoming beautifully. They have been used to carry messages from far or unreachable places since 3000 BC. They proclaimed the winner of the Olympics in ancient times, they carried important messages over hostile territory during many wars, including WWI and WWII, and were vital to the success of the Invasion of Normandy. They were used for these endeavors because of their incredible ability to always find home, even over hundreds of miles!
By placing their enclosures in one location and their food in another, homing pigeons have been trained to fly round-trip. Some have been trained to fly over a thousand miles, trusting their homing mechanism to guide them. The term “home in”, which means to focus with intent on something or someone, has its origins in these talented pigeons.
So what are our homing mechanisms? And what do we focus on with intent?
Our spirits are our homing mechanisms. Our spirits were made to exist with the One who made them. They are like internal compasses turning us to our true north. However, they are broken, uncalibrated, and will point us in the wrong directions if left alone. Jesus came to recalibrate us, to reconcile us, to point us heavenward, and to bring us home.
Our true home, in the presence of God, enclosed by His infinite care, is the place of greatest peace. The more intently we focus on Him, the less lost we will be. We will be able to navigate through war and conflict, with persistence and endurance, over short and long distances, in storm and sunshine, knowing that He, our Peace, is our home.
There are fathers on this earth who provide a foundation of peace for their children. These are men who surrender to God, who are consistent and faithful to both God and family, whose children feel absolute certainty that they are cherished and loved. They partake of his peace by being in his presence in all situations.
How much more a foundation, then, is our Father’s peace! He is peace. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – three-in-one who has no division, no competition, no evil within, only wholeness, complete cooperation, and complete power over evil. From this absolute unity he offers us his peace. A peace that passes understanding, a fully confident, unafraid, perfect peace. He gives of himself. Jesus brought us peace as he united our belligerent, broken spirits to our forgiving, peaceful Father.
Much like homing pigeons brought to a foreign location and charged with carrying a message, we live on this earth as foreigners (Hebrews 11:13) and are charged with carrying the message of peace. We go, winging our way on winds of peace, offering the olive branch to those who might receive it. When Jesus sent out the seventy-two disciples in Luke 10:5-6, he told them, “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you.” Whether the people in our lives receive the message of peace or not, we return to our home, to the peace of God, to dwell there and be sent out again. Thus, it is vital to the peace of this world, that we live in the presence of peace daily. We, too, must become characterized by peace for our message to be received.
Kimberley Mulder is a contemplative at heart who deeply enjoys the company of Jesus in the day-to-day of caring for her family of 5 (plus a dog and a cat), teaching English to immigrants, growing her garden, and writing. Currently, her walk with Jesus is taking her more deeply into writing as she leads a spiritual formation group at her church, and shares on her blog Living a Mary Life in a Martha World. She treasures the truth that God’s Word does not go back to him without accomplishing the purpose for which he sent it, and that that Word is embodied in our lives. (Isaiah 55:11)
Photos found @ Pixabay
