I was livid at myself. Just livid.
Because, it seemed, I was on a rampage of "calling people out." You know what that is, right? It is when you: 1.) see another's faults on display 2.) you let them gnaw your heart and 3.) you blast the person.
Each "calling-out" scenario was different. In two cases, God set difficult words on my heart that wanted spoken out in love. Yet, with other people, it was the opposite, I let my words fly out like a swarm of bees ready to attack! Watch out! For those who didn't get stung, I kept my words inside and gave them a cold-shoulder sting that probably felt worse than any kind of physical one.
I was on a rampage. I literally hated myself for it.
Maybe because I didn't want to be like this type:
1.a person who pretends to have virtues, mora or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess.
You know, the types that Jesus was known to reproach? I hate the thought that I could be one of those types. You know them, I know you do. They are the ones who blog everyday in Christianese and then go off speaking their native dialect of paganese, right after they worship the idol of their choice.
My idol? Impatience. I want things my way, right now. You hear me?
What is the idol that you are prone to chase?
Are you a hypocrite too?
Quick Quiz: Are you a Hypocrite?
1. Do you recognize everyone else's sin without seeing your own?
2. Do you tell people how to improve themselves without instructing yourself first?
3. Do you know it all about God and often find yourself the preacher?
4. Do you make "snap judgments" about others of "bad character" or with questionable pasts?
5. Do you internally follow the law that says to others, "Do what I say, not as I do?"
6. Do you load up people with guilt, shame and law-oriented spirituality, placing a heap of weight on them?
7. Do you love to be the famed one, the high one, the wise one, the titled one and the recognized one?
Checked one or some? HYPOCRITE!!!
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.
I was convicted. I was convicted as if a knife struck my heart.
I thought, "Oh God, I don't want to be one of them, but I just may be. I just may be one who acts so above the law, I have put myself above the love of Christ. I have set myself so high, that I have removed myself from the humble and needy places where one let's him soak in."
I don't want to do this. Do you?
I don't want to be one who professes to know God but denies him by their works. I don't want to be one that God calls "detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work." (Titus 1:6)
And I certainly don't want to think I am religious, only to deceive my own heart. For God says this kind of religion is worthless (James 1:26).
What is it to know everything and to rule over everything, only to lose our first love in the process?
What is it to gain status here, only to potentially not have it in heaven?
Let's turn back to God, friends...
Lord, I am not above you. I am not above the world, ruling. I am not the master of all things, nor the creator. But, I am your servant, your child, and your love. Help me reside in that place. Help me see my need and confess it to you. Help me be quick to look at myself when I am prone to look over to others. Thank you that you have wild and abundant grace for me. It will not cease. It will not end. It will not let me go. I ask you to restore me in fullness with you. Teach me your ways and help me be receptive to them, so I will not fall. Help me Lord. You rule and I surrender all my ways, thoughts, opinions, perceptions and decisions to you. Amen.