Jennifer Kostick– Jennifer has been married for twenty-three years to her high school sweetheart, Paul. She is the mother of three children, Paul IV (22), Samuel (6), and Grace (6). She also has six babies residing in heaven. It is those six tiny souls who have propelled her into women’s ministry. She is a conference speaker and author of the book Nothing to Hold but Hope (one woman's journey through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility). Jennifer blogs at www.Jenniferkostick.com and is passionate about encouraging women through a godly message of mercy and hope.
I wish there was an easy remedy for our lack of feeling as if we aren't enough. To be honest, as a woman who teaches Bible studies, I could sit down with you, right now, face-to-face and tell you all the reasons why God says you're beautiful. Every verse and story told would be true. However, you might think I was just blowing hot air. And guess what? You might be right.
I know all the Christian clichés. I know exactly what I'm supposed to say. I'm an expert at which words to preach with fire and brimstone.
And deep down in the middle of all of it, I have a hard time accepting everything I tell you.
Don't misunderstand me. I believe the Bible is the infallible written word of God. It's true. Every word. But, sometimes, I still feel like I'm not enough. I struggle with my own beauty and place in this world. If you are coming to this online space hoping to read expert remarks...
Well, I'm no expert at feeling enough. But I do believe God when He says I am. And yet I still struggle.
My obsession with butter cannot be hidden. You can see it on my cheeks. Both sets. And it makes me feel bad about myself...
I worry that I'm not smart enough, and that I don't write well enough. All I do is worry. Recently, my house is looking just like my brain. Messy.
I'm all over the place. And when these emotions entangle me, I don't feel beauty in any area of my life - not inside and certainly not outside.
However, and here is the good news, as soon as these feelings begin to take hold, something beautiful does arise.
There's a transformation that takes place inside my heart and it never fails to adjust my view. God will always intervene and remind me of who He is. He won't stand back and allow me to feel this way. Not without a fight. He will scream truth as long as I'm faithful to open up His word and listen.
So, last week when I was overcome with feeling as if I'll never be enough, this happened:
We had new carpet installed in our family room. The old stuff was stained and dirty. It didn't matter how hard I tried to clean it, my kids, and time, did a number on it.
I couldn't be home when the new carpet was installed so my husband sent me a picture of the finished product. The window in the family room had cast a shadow on the floor and it looked like a cross had made its home in the space.
Right away, I began to think of all the time I've spent in that room - all the moments I've longed to meet Jesus in the pages of my Bible. I reflected on how I cried there when I wanted to have another baby - the memories I have because of the time I spent with my grandmother and stepfather there - the roars of laughter with friends on game nights.
I thought about the way I love my husband and children in the sanctuary of a space I call the family room. Countless, precious, pieces of time I own in this life are shared in the shadow of the cross in that room.
All of those moments in my life help to make up the beauty of who I am, of what my life has become, and has built the foundation of truth that my future depends upon.
Through this revelation, I'm frustrated how the feeling of beauty seems to continually try to flee. But isn't that just like anything painted from grandeur?
The enemy of our souls doesn't want the Lover of them to win. This means we have to fight our flesh even harder in order to submit to the truth of God's word.
So, today, I want to remind you of His truth because it helps me to remember who He is and who I am in Him.
Here are four reminders for you right out of the word of God. Take them, soak your heart with them, and declare them in your life.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
That this is God, our God forever and ever. He will guide us forever.
In His word contains the truth of beauty, friend!
So, even though I may have days when I cannot identify with feeling beautiful, I still believe.
His truth gives each of us the power and the ability to look in the mirror and say, "Look at that beautiful woman of God!"
Feast on that, friend!
PS: For this week's #findingherthursday, we will be taking a selfie while holding up the printable from last week. Or, instead of using the printable, you can write the scripture in your own handwriting with your name inserted in the proper place. Bold your name, friend, we are declaring truth!
If you missed that post, click here to find the printable with the scripture.
To get my FREE eBook, Mercy Waits, visit me here.