The Bible tells us, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Proverbs 16:24) Common wisdom reminds us that grace-filled communication is key in any Christ-centered marriage, but how often are we really working on improving it? By looking for ways to daily encourage our husbands with our words we are not only loving them, but like the lovers in Song of Songs – shaping and cultivating the vineyard of their marriage (Songs 1:6). We should daily remind them “I love you” and confess, “I apologize, and I am sorry” when we are wrong. Here are 10 other things wives can say to regularly encourage their husbands.
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1. "I believe in you."
When questions of inadequacy and the pressures of life weigh heavy, it is wonderful to be reminded that someone thinks you’ve got this. It is a comfort to be reassured we are not alone in the struggles of life, and our husbands need this as well. We should be our husband’s biggest cheerleader. We know that the hope of our faith is in God alone, but it is soulful encouragement for our husbands to be told they can do great things through Christ who strengthens them.
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2. "I appreciate that you…"
Finish this sentence and direct it towards your husband. I appreciate that you work hard for our family, take out the garbage, help me to know Jesus more. Big or small let your husband know that he is appreciated and that his acts of love do not go unnoticed.
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3. "Tell me about…"
What are the hobbies of your husband? Can you explain his job? Do you know more than just the title of what he does? Do you take interest in what he gives his time to? You may or may not care about what he is doing but you do care about him, and should understand why they are important to him. You might as well learn a little something about football, computer programing, or whatever he loves to do so that you can continue to learn about him. Let us never stop studying our husbands.
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4. "What do you think?"
Whether it be a problem with kids, office politics, or current events, consider his perspective: what is he thinking? You will not know unless you ask. It’s easy enough to think of times when your opinion has mattered to someone, especially when they have validated your view. My guess is that when you were dating you asked some form of this question often and in multiple ways, but once you fall into patterns of life where you have to keep a tight schedule, and decisions are made quickly in the moment, we sometimes forget how much we loved hearing what he thought.
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5. "I took care of it."
What is on your husband’s to-do list? What are the chores or errands he is usually in charge of doing? If you know things have been busy and he is tired, do it for him. Better yet, do it for Jesus, so that when your husband comes home weary and expecting more work to do, you can simply tell him, “It’s already done, relax.”
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6. Nothing (Listening)
Proverbs 10:19 warns us that, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” However, we do not always heed this wisdom. Guys get a lot of flak about trying to solve problems instead of empathizing with their wives, but women often do the same thing. Men are less likely to declare, “You are not validating my feelings.” However, women should give ear to the words that their husband is speaking instead of instantly trying to jump in with their opinion or advice.
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7. "Let’s have sex."
This one is simple. Do you feel like your husband is always waiting not wanting to ask too often or too much and would welcome the invitation from you? Extend it. Often.
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8. "How can I pray for you?"
Our first love will always be Jesus, but what an honor it is to bring requests for our second love to the feet of our first. We may be a mighty, prayer warrior wife (or maybe not), but are we asking our husbands what they want us to continue presenting to Christ as a fragrant offering? This is a unique question because it dives straight to vulnerable places. What is it he needs most?
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9. "I am happy to see you."
How do you greet your husband when he gets home? Are you happy to see him? Does he feel you're happy to see him? Or do you ignore his entrance focusing on whatever you're focusing on before? We should acknowledge the presence of our other half. We should seek to make sure that our husbands know their presence is noticed, enjoyed, and eagerly anticipated.
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10. "Yes."
This was the first word your husband desperately wanted to hear from you. It may have started with him saying, “Can I have your phone number?” Which gave way to, “Want to go out on a date?” And ultimately consummated with, “Will you marry me?” He still loves to hear this word to this day. In general, a willingness to agree, acquiesce, receive, submit, and accept is something that will be pleasing to his ear. Keep telling him, “Yes,” to the questions in his heart and on his lips. It is the answer he wants to keep hearing, to the most important questions in your future together: Pray with me? Trust me? Serve with me? Stay with me? This is our love story and our words will help write it, so may our answer be, “Yes, yes, yes, forevermore, yes!”
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Chara Donahue is a freelance writer who is working on her first book. She enjoys doing biblical counseling, speaking to women, and savoring coffee when her four kids are out playing with dad. She holds an MSEd from Corban University, is passionate about seeing people set free through God's truths, and is the founder and editor of Anchored Voices. Get in touch with her on Facebook or Twitter.
Originally published Thursday, 30 November 2017.
