Today's role for a Christian woman takes many forms working together - mom, sister, wife, home maker, career women, and more. All of these relationships demand your time and attention. At iBelieve.com we want to help you grow in healthy relationships whether you’re single and dating, newlyweds, married or widowed. Find encouragement and feel uplifted with the sharing of personal experiences from women in every walk of the Christian women’s life.
In this over-sexed and under-loved world, people are looking for the real deal, the secret to lasting love with a vibrant sex life. Because of this pursuit for a purer passion, the most asked question we get when it comes to Red Hot Monogamy is, “What is okay with God?”
First and foremost, sex is for marriage. Ephesians 5:31-32 (quoting Genesis) "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 reinforces this with the reminder, “It is God’s will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him” (1 Thessalonians 4:3, GW).
So the place to begin if you are single is to value your future sexual love by protecting your present integrity. Bill and I said “Yes!” to obeying God’s guidelines before marriage by wholesome dating with lots of safety, being together—in PUBLIC: walks on the beach, picnics in a park, lunch at sidewalk café, candlelit dinner by the fire in a nice restaurant—public places before marriage will protect private moments after marriage.
For married couples, God gives only a few clear commands on what is and isn’t permissible with the gift of sex he created. Instead of a list of “no-no’s” let’s look at his guidelines in the affirmative:
You can say YES if you:
Yield to one another. Everything done is agreed upon. The goal in intimacy is unity. In Red Hot Monogamy we look at the 8 areas of intimacy and give tools to build intimacy in each area. Colossians 3:1 encourages: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. If you love, you will want to talk through and agree on expressions in sexuality.
Extend it in love. No one should ever feel forced or coerced in sex. The sex acts should reflect love, not demean or inflict pain. Sex is a relationship to be protected not a person to exploit. Hebrews 13:4 reminds: Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled.
Secure it with privacy. Sex should only be you two alone. Your marriage bed is yours and yours alone (no other partners, no pornography, no mommy porn, no fake imitations of body parts). Why settle for anything fake when you can create the real thing live and in person? When it comes to grey areas, things not specifically forbidden, applying 1 Corinthians 6:12 is a smart choice:
Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.
Permissible but not profitable: When making decisions for the bedroom, God gives you elbow room to make choices based on personal preferences, but never risk your life, your health or your reputation for a few moments of ecstasy. (More on God’s view of sexuality is found in our book Red Hot Monogamy, or Julie Slattery and Dannah Gresh’s Pulling Back the Shades)
Never settle for “shades of grey” when God’s plan for love creates a lifetime of RED HOT romance!
Red Hot Romance
Once you are in agreement with each other and God, then saying “Yes!” is a wonderful emotional investment that accumulates interest over time. Choose one of these fun ideas from Red Hot Romance Tips for Women as a way to say “Yes!” and invest in your love:
This is adapted from Pam and Bill Farrel’s Red Hot Romance Tips for Women. Also helpful for marital intimacy are: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make, Red Hot Monogamy, and for singles, Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti--all available on www.Love-Wise.com
Publication date: February 4, 2015