Marriage is not a measure of worth or spiritual maturity, and whether single or married, every person can live a complete, meaningful life glorifying God through obedience, love, and faith in His plan.
Attending a Bible college, I saw people getting engaged and getting married. From a young age, my college friends were taught the importance of getting married and how much their lives needed to center around marriage. Women are often taught that our worth is linked to marriage. If a person is married, people treat them in a higher regard; however, if they are not married, they are seen as a problem that needs to be fixed.
Since this view is held by many women and men alike, it is not surprising that so many people are desperately trying to find a spouse. Sadly, this can lead to many people marrying someone they don’t know. Before a person gets married, they need to ensure they truly understand the person, want to marry them, and will glorify God through their marriage. People can get married as soon as they are legal adults; however, everyone needs to be careful not to rush into things.
Many people will get married, and others will never marry. Getting married or not getting married is not a moral issue. Instead, some people get married and others do not. One is not superior to the other. Despite this being often taught within Christian communities, it is not correct. A person can serve Jesus whether they are married or not.
Will My Life Be Lacking If I’m Not Married?
Marriage is not for everyone. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise us a spouse. While this can be depressing for many, it is what the Bible says. If you have desired marriage for a long time and you are now feeling God is leading you away from it, leave space for your feelings. Grieving what could have been is entirely valid and nothing to be ashamed of.
Oftentimes, we think our life will lack something if we are not married. After all, everyone wants to love and to be loved. There is no point in life without love. While we may never have a spouse who loves us, we can take solace in knowing God loves us. His love is shown to us by sending His Son to die for our sins (John 3:16-17).
The love God has for you has no bounds (Romans 8:37-39). He loves you without conditions. Lean on this when you feel you are struggling. Seeing everyone getting married when you feel alone and unloved is excruciating. I see you, and I validate your pain. However, it says nothing about your worth.
God dearly loves you, and nothing can change this truth. In addition to being loved by God, you are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10). Since you are complete in Christ, you are not lacking anything. Through Jesus, you are more than enough and are given everything you need to live for Him. There are no requirements for serving Jesus besides loving Him and knowing Him as your personal Savior and Lord.
Am I a Mature Christian If I’m Not Married?
A common phrase I have heard amongst Christian communities is, “You are not a mature Christian if you are not married.” This is a false statement, as marriage has nothing to do with Christian maturity. A person can be married with little Christian maturity, and a person can be unmarried with great Christian maturity. Being married or not isn’t a measurable tool for Christian maturity.
Christian maturity is based on service and obedience to God. Both single and married Christians can be mature Christians. If you want to cultivate your maturity in your Christian walk, start being more involved with daily prayer, reading your Bible, and applying God’s teachings. This is how you develop Christian growth. It is not found in getting married.
For many people, marriage can help them become more mature; however, this does not mean they are maturing in their Christian walk. People who are married and those who are not can grow in their Christian walk by following Jesus and deepening their relationship with Him. Choose to utilize this time to grow in Christ and rest in knowing that you can be a mature Christian regardless of your relationship status.
How Do I Know If I Should Get Married or Not?
For some people, marriage is not an option. They have chosen in their hearts that they will dedicate their entire lives to serving God. Whether they decide to get married or not, they can still glorify God (1 Corinthians 7:1-40). The Bible never tells us one is better than the other. Therefore, never feel ashamed if you never get married. In the same way, don’t feel as though you cannot serve Jesus with your life if you are married.
God loves all people, whether they are married or not. If someone is married, they need to ensure their marriage brings glory to God. This means treating their spouse well, loving them as Jesus loves the church, respecting their spouse, and building their marriage upon God (Ephesians 5:21-33). Getting married is a huge decision and one that should be made haphazardly.
If you choose to marry, make sure you marry the right person for the right reason. I have known far too many people who get married just because they want to be married. They don’t truly want to marry their fiancé or fiancée—they just feel they have to get married. If you are stuck in a mindset like this, turn to God. Seek His direction and allow Him to change your heart.
If God wants you to be married, He will bring the right person into your life. If this person never comes, know that it is okay. It can be painful, but your life will not suffer for not getting married. I know many Christian women who never married, yet they have joyful and abundant lives in the Lord. While I am sure they sometimes struggle, they can use this pain as something positive for the Kingdom.
Marriage is not for everyone, and we do not need to try to force marriage upon ourselves. If we never get married, that is okay—our value and worth never fade away if we don’t get married. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and so is singleness. Many view marriage as a gift, but singleness is a beautiful blessing. By remaining single, you can dedicate yourself fully to the Lord and spend more time with Him.
As you reflect on these truths, pour your feelings into God in prayer. Tell him how you feel about things, and don’t be afraid to be honest. If you are having difficulty accepting that you might never get married, give these feelings to God. Yes, it is painful for a dream to be broken, but God has something far greater in store. Trust Him with your life and know that He will turn your life into something beautiful.
Whether you get married or not, know that you can serve God. God’s biggest desire for us is our Christian growth in Him. Marriage is a beautiful creation of God, but it is not promised to us. We are promised His incredible love and the blessing of salvation, the greatest gifts of all.
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