For some women, motherhood is more challenging than anticipated. From crying babies and sleepless nights to children with endless energy, teens with attitudes, and adult kids who choose differently than hoped, motherhood doesn’t seem to go as they had hoped, prayed, dreamed, or thought it would.
Even in the best scenarios, there are highs and lows with the many variables in life, immense joy mixed with unbearable heartaches, causing countless moms to wonder if their efforts are falling short, feeling at times like they want to give up and throw in the towel of motherhood.
As well, for women facing infertility issues of no fault of their own, some may feel like failures before motherhood even begins. Still, these seemingly modern-day mothering issues are not new to motherhood, as, from the beginning throughout history, mothers have struggled, some to biblical proportions.
The following are mothers devoted to God and seeking to raise godly children, yet women who, like us, have experienced moments of heartache, unexpected outcomes, and possibly feelings of failure as mothers.
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As the first mother of humankind, Eve became a mother without ever experiencing having a mother of her own or other mothers to teach her or turn to for motherly advice.
Genesis 4:1 describes where motherhood began. “Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, ‘With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.’”
God gave her a huge responsibility: "Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living” (Genesis 3:20).
Because sibling rivalry or murder had never occurred before on earth, Eve most likely didn’t see what was coming to her family. Sadly, Genesis 4:8 describes, “Now Cain said to his brother Abel, ‘Let’s go out to the field.’ While in the field, Cain attacked and killed his brother Abel.”
The Bible doesn’t tell us if Eve felt like a failure, but as mothers, we often carry the guilt for our children’s sinful behavior. Yet, God didn’t hold her responsible for her child’s actions. As 1 John 3:12 says, “Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous.”
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After years of infertility, an angelic visitation let Samson’s mother know she would soon have a son on the way. “You will become pregnant and have a son whose head is never to be touched by a razor because the boy is to be a Nazirite, dedicated to God from the womb. He will take the lead in delivering Israel from the hands of the Philistines” (Judges 13:5).
Even so, she most likely didn’t know and wasn’t prepared for the challenges ahead in his life. Called to free his people from the Philistines, her super-strong son was given to wild antics and was quite a handful, including drunkenness, marrying a girl from the enemy’s camp, and visiting prostitutes, which led to him losing his hair and supernatural strength to a conniving girl, being taken captive, and having his eyes burned out.
Samson’s mom may have felt the weight of his rowdy choices, possibly feeling she had failed him somehow. Interestingly, we don’t hear much about her, remaining nameless in Scripture, only referred to as Manoah’s wife.
Ultimately, Samson did take down the Philistines as God had prophesied, but most likely not in the way his mother had hoped or envisioned. Judges 16:28-30 describes what took place.
“Then Samson prayed to the Sovereign Lord, Remember me. Please, God, strengthen me once more, and let me get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes with one blow.’ Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, Samson said, ‘Let me die with the Philistines!’ Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus, he killed many more when he died than while he lived.”
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We can only guess the weight Sarah may have felt in her mature age, being childless, especially being called by God to give birth to a promise. Although she eventually did give birth to Abraham’s promised child, Isaac, she first became the adopted mother of her husband’s child with her maidservant, a scenario she cooked up. She was sure to go awry fast, which it did, even before the baby was born.
Sarah may have already felt like a failure because she could not conceive, along with God’s charge to fulfill His promise to Abraham. So, in an “I Love Lucy” style, she concocted a plan to make her a mother and Abraham a father.
Genesis 16:1-2 describes her plan. “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an enslaved Egyptian named Hagar; so she said to Abram, ‘The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.’ Abram agreed to what Sarai said.”
Abraham didn’t know the trouble her plan would bring him and how swiftly it would begin, even before the baby’s birth, as Genesis 16:5 describes. ”Then Sarai said to Abram, ‘You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”
Although Scripture doesn’t reveal whether Sarah ever felt like a failure, we know her scheme to become a mother caused her much unexpected suffering.
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Hannah’s story begins with the broken-heartedness of a woman unable to conceive, longing to be a mother, already seeming to carry a sense of failure before ever having children. Even though infertility was no fault of her own, she seemed to bear the sting of it.
In her sorrow, she offered God a desperate promise, asking Him to give her a son that she would give back to Him, even going as far as to entrust his upbringing to a priest known for his evil sons.
“And she made a vow, saying, ‘Lord Almighty, if You will only look on Your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget Your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head’” (1 Samuel 1:11).
God heard Hannah’s pleas and answered her. “So over time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, ‘Because I asked the Lord for him’.” (1 Samuel 1:20).
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Luke 1:5-7 tells us of an ancient, righteous couple, a priest named Zechariah and his wife, Elizabeth, who were childless and continued to pray for a child.
God heard their prayers and gave them a son. “But the angel said to him: ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son; you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drinks and will be filled with the Holy Spirit before he is born. He will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.’” (Luke 1:13-17).
A mother birthing a child with such promises may picture in her mind what her son will grow to be, one that may not match the reality of who he becomes. Matthew 3:4 describes how, living in the wilderness, “John’s clothes were made of camel’s hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey.”
We’re not told much about Elizabeth after her conception of John, but it’s possible she may have experienced moments of feeling like she failed her son. Maybe she did not fully understand his calling at times, and she faced criticism from others who didn’t understand John’s ministry, pointing fingers at her and believing she had failed in her mothering of him.
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“And Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, and Mary was the mother of Jesus who is called the Messiah” (Matthew 1:16).
Although Mary, the mother of Jesus, was God’s perfect choice to be His mother, did she ever doubt her mothering efforts? As mother to the Messiah, did she ever experience moments of feeling like she was failing as His mother?
Being human, like us, did Mary ever question her mothering skills, such as when, as a child, Jesus stayed behind at the temple for days, and she didn’t realize He was missing? “When His parents saw Him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, ‘Son, why have You treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for You’” (Luke 2:48).
Or when she insisted He make new wine at the wedding, and He questioned her? “When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to Him, ‘They have no more wine.’ ‘Woman, why do you involve me?’ Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.’ His mother told the servants, ‘Do whatever He tells you’” (John 2:3-5).
What about when she stood watching His crucifixion, did she question herself, wondering if she had failed Him in some ways as His mother, asking His Heavenly Father why her beloved Son was dying in such a public, horrific way?
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