After being asked a simple yet piercing question—"When do you have time for yourself?"—the author experienced a transformative shift in perspective, learning that self-care is not selfish but a God-honoring act of stewardship rooted in grace, identity, and intentional rest.
My girls were in elementary and middle school when Ms. Phyllis said something that ruffled my mother-hen feathers. At the time, I was married, homeschooling our three girls, planning field trips, teaching in a homeschool co-op, working part-time for my church, running a business from home, cooking, cleaning - doing all the things. I was going non-stop, majorly multitasking. My life was full, and honestly, I loved it. I felt accomplished, fulfilled, and like I had purpose. So, how could seven little words carry such weight? “When do you have time for yourself?”
The question was unexpected, and I was utterly shocked and could not speak. Not because I didn’t have an answer, although I didn’t, but because I was aggravated. How dare she ask me that?! I wondered how someone with the nerve to ask such a “radical” question could be serving as the church secretary! After all, I was filling all these roles. I was serving and pouring out nonstop. Isn’t that what every good Christian woman is supposed to do?
I didn’t stop to think about how I would answer Ms. Phyllis’ question or even bring it to God to receive His insight. I just brushed it off, kept doing everything I was already doing, and even added more stuff to my full plate. I now see that I was so bothered because her question revealed something deeper going on inside me.
Have you ever been there? Have you been so caught up in the busyness of life that you don’t even realize you’re running on empty? Have you filled your to-do list and calendar but neglected to notice what’s going on in your thoughts, feelings, and body?
Have you been so caught up in a performance-based mentality that you believed that’s what made you valuable? That day, over 30 years ago, Ms. Phyllis’ question became a “freeze-frame” moment for me. One that’s part of my personal growth story today. A story that now looks very different and that changed how I make time for myself. Let’s examine a new perspective on self-care.
What I Had Wrong
Although I did not realize it then, Ms. Phyllis was asking me about self-care. In that season, I didn’t think I had time for self-care. To be honest, I thought it was selfish. After all, Luke 9:23 says, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me.”
This was one of those verses that were on repeat in my mind. I thought I understood what it meant, but I never made time to see if my perspective was correct. I believed that denying myself meant ignoring my needs altogether. Talk about not understanding scripture! Over time, God began to correct that misunderstanding gently.
In Luke 9:23, denying myself doesn’t mean neglecting the body, mind, and soul God entrusted to me. It means saying “no” to my flesh – the part of me that wants to live independently from God – and saying “yes” to His Spirit, who leads me into rest, peace, and freedom.
I used to live like self-care was indulgent and, consequently, something to avoid. I now view it as stewardship – grace-based and God-honoring stewardship. It’s a way to responsibly manage what God has entrusted us with - our bodies, minds, and spirits. Self-care involves renewing our minds and aligning our thoughts with God’s truth. (Romans 12:2)
When we “make time for ourselves,” we acknowledge that we are valuable creations made in God’s image and respect and maintain the life He has given us. It’s not a duty but a joyful response to God’s love and provision for us.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care, in its truest form, isn’t about working to improve ourselves. It’s not about doing our nails or soaking them in a bubble bath - although those things are enjoyable and nothing is wrong with them. Self-care is about resting in who God says we already are. It's responding to His invitation to live from fullness instead of depletion.
God cares about our spiritual, emotional, and physical health because we are his very loved children. God’s Word reminds us that our care for ourselves reflects His care for us. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought for a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
As God’s kids, His grace empowers us to make choices that reflect our new identity in Christ, including how we care for ourselves. Titus 2:11-12 says, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously, and in a godly manner in the present age.”
What Does Grace-Filled Self-Care Look Like?
Here are several practical ways to “have time for yourself.” Our Creator designed our bodies for rest. Grace-filled self-care is about taking time to rest, reflect, and engage in activities that nurture our spiritual growth, emotional well-being, and physical health. These suggestions are a starting place. Find what works for you. They aren’t something to quickly check off your list and move on to the next task.
Spiritually
- Read the Bible to hear from your Father
- Talk with God throughout your day
- Sing or listen to worship music
- Remind yourself of God’s faithfulness in your life
- Study a word, topic, or verse that God highlights to you
- Savor quiet time, listening for what God wants to tell you.
- Remind yourself of who you are and what you have access to as God’s very loved child.
Here’s an identity in Christ resource that may be helpful.
Emotionally
- Speak aloud what you are grateful for.
- Schedule a margin in your week.
- Journal your thoughts and prayers.
- See a Christian counselor or life coach.
- Listen to encouraging podcasts or uplifting music.
- Create something – paint, draw, color.
- Learn something new just because it interests you.
Physically
- Nourish your body with foods that give you energy.
- Drink more water.
- Move your body - walking, dancing, stretching, exercising.
- Create a consistent, restful sleep routine.
- Improve the air you breathe.
- Practice deep breathing.
- Rest without guilt.
What Makes This Important?
When we make space to be nurtured by God’s truth and care for ourselves in simple, sustainable ways, we begin to live from abundance rather than scarcity and burnout.
We remember having something to give because we’ve received it first. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” The “good works” He’s prepared for us flow best when our souls are aligned with truth, our emotions are acknowledged and not ignored, and our bodies are nourished.
Please know you don’t need a spa day or a big plan. Start small. Start with grace toward yourself. Start with one intentional moment today where you rest in who you already are—God’s very loved daughter.
Consider allowing these seven little words to change your perspective, too. When do you have time for yourself?
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Mario Arango
Renee Bethel, author of Finding Me: A Woman’s Guide to Learning More About Herself, is a Professional Christian Life Coach and a Certified Enneagram Coach. Her passion is guiding growth-minded Christian women to step into their God-given identity so they can live more authentically and confidently in the freedom of who they are in Christ. If you're ready to change how you view yourself and learn how God sees you, request her resource, Who am I - from God’s Perspective?
