“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” -Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV)
Earlier this year, I felt like God was being silent.
The struggle persisted for nine months. There were moments when I felt God inspire me through Christian songs, Scripture, devotional ideas, and people of the faith, but I felt like whenever I poured my heart out in prayer, I was met with something worse than radio silence. For a while, it felt like He wasn’t hearing my prayers. It was as if my messages to God barely made it out of my mind and didn’t reach His throne in Heaven.
God taught me several years ago to choose faith in Him more than my feelings because, as an imperfect human, feelings are complicated and sometimes make it difficult to see the full picture. But I can trust the Word of God and He says that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus Christ promises to be with us until the “end of the age” (Matthew 28:20) and beyond when we’re reunited with Him in Heaven. He’s in it for eternity with us and He’s not going anywhere.
Vivian Bricker wrote “What Is the Dark Night of the Soul?” for Christianity.com. She said, “While some of the time this "spiritual depression" can last a lifetime, it will not continue throughout all eternity. There will be relief one day for all of us from these dark nights and these troubles. Everyone is bound to have more dark nights of the soul throughout their lives, but what matters is what we do with them. Are we going to allow them to set us back in our Christian walk, or are we going to see them as an opportunity for growth?... If you are suffering from a dark night of the soul at the present, know that your pain is completely valid. Also, know that there is nothing to be ashamed of.”
While my spiritual life this year was not completely like a dark night of the soul, it was just as concerning. Worried thoughts filled my head and I hesitated to reach out to any other Christians. I was afraid that I would be lectured about not having enough faith in God and not trusting Him enough. However, I did eventually talk to a few trusted friends (who are also believers) and they encouraged me with Bible-based truth. Their prayers helped through this season of silence.
There were times when I could barely pray or practice gratitude. But I did press on and continue trying to connect with God through Bible study, quiet time, and prayer. Many say that trouble doesn’t last forever, and one day I received a breakthrough. God spoke to me in several ways that resonated with my soul, including through a devotion titled, “God Is in His Silence.” The message focused on when Jesus waited to go see Martha and Mary after they called for Him because their brother was dying. It was perceived as silence, but Jesus had an intentional purpose and He raised Lazarus from the dead.
Soon, God led me to a quote in my “True Identity” study Bible. It said, “The real issue in life is not the search for God’s will; it is the search for God. The issue in faith is not knowing what God is doing, rather it is knowing that God knows what he is doing. The issue of faith is seeking God’s presence, not God’s plan for my life because there is no plan outside of my knowing him.” That spoke to an ongoing struggle about knowing God’s purpose for my life, especially in my career.
God also brought an Instagram reel to my attention. Autumn Miles spoke about a person in despair asking for opinions about what to do. Someone said that they didn’t need to get an answer from people; they needed to hear from God! I listened to her podcast episode about God’s response to Job’s questions about the catastrophe that had fallen upon him (listen here).
Finally, God spoke to me through the song “Speak” by Bethany Worship. I have heard this song many times, but the lyric “Let the silence now be filled with your voice” stood out to me in a powerful way. I realized this was the capstone of my breakthrough: God’s voice was filling the silence I’d felt for most of the year. As the psalmist sings, we can say, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me” (Psalm 13:5-6 NIV).
Let’s Pray: Dear God, Thank You for breaking through my season of silence and helping me see that You’ve been with me through it all. Please encourage your children—young and old—who are experiencing a season of silence. Help them to know You are still by their side, very present in their life, and when the time is right, You will speak. Encourage their hearts. Help them to stay the course and not give up. In Jesus’s Name, I pray. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Noah Benjamin
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Originally published Friday, 13 October 2023.
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