How to Say No Without Guilt
By Ashley Moore
Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness. - Romans 12:6-8, ESV
The other day someone reached out to ask me if I would be interested in a serving opportunity. My initial reaction was, "No, absolutely not!" I was already overwhelmed and overextended. However, as soon as my response penetrated my thoughts, I felt guilty for saying no, even though I didn't have the margin. But, the Lord has been teaching me that it's okay to say no, especially when I have already said yes to serving him in the areas He has uniquely gifted me.
Is saying no to the constant requests of your time a familiar struggle for you too?
Maybe the volunteer pool at your church is shallow, and because you have proven to be dependable and stepped up in the past, leadership often calls on you to fill the void.
Or perhaps you are a trusted confidant so people lean hard on you when they are wrestling with a decision.
Or is it possible that your reluctance to say no has made you an easy target for those looking for volunteers? They know you will say yes, so they ask you first.
Yes, there are many good things we can commit ourselves to. But, we should take caution, and prayerfully consider each opportunity, lest we over-commit, over-extend, and eventually burn out. In the long run, this type of service isn’t helpful for anyone. Understanding that God has given you unique gifts, for a specific season, will allow you to better filter service opportunities.
Our key verse illustrates how each of us has differing gifts that we are to steward for the service of others. Some of us are meant to prophesy tough-to-swallow truths, while others are meant to teach and encourage. Some of us were created with an extra measure of generosity and some with zeal. Some of us are leaders and some of us are merciful.
Saying no to requests that don't use your spiritual giftings can help you eliminate the opportunities that are not for you without feeling guilty. Here is how you can get started.
LEARN HOW YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY GIFTED
Maybe you are hearing for the first time that you have special and specific gifts. Begin by praying and asking God to reveal to you the ways His Spirit has gifted you. Read the scriptures about the different giftings of the Holy Spirit, and ask God to illuminate the ones He wants you to focus on. Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12:8-10, 28-30; Ephesians 4:11; and 1 Peter 4:9-11 all contain spiritual gifts and roles in the church. There are also several assessments online to help you identify your giftings. Here is one from Lifeway. Finally, ask trusted Christian brothers and sisters what ways they see you show up in the body of Christ.
KNOW THE GIFTINGS OF OTHERS
I mentioned feeling guilty as one of the reasons I often struggle to say no. One way to decline an invitation to serve is to offer a suggestion of someone who would be a better fit. Look at the ways God has gifted others in your life. An opportunity to greet may sound like a nightmare to you but will be so life-giving for your friend who has the gift of hospitality. You can play a vital role in connecting others to the service opportunities they would thrive in, and feel less guilty for saying no.
I was able to confidently say no once I realized I wasn’t the best fit for that request, but I also mentioned another friend who was a better fit. May we each know our giftings and the giftings of others so we can say no to the wrong things and yes to the ways God created us to serve the body of Christ.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for creating us fearfully and wonderfully. You made us each with specific giftings to serve as your hands and feet to those around us. Lord, will you help us notice the ways you have gifted us and gifted others? Help us say no to serving when it isn’t the best fit, and be ready to suggest others who would be delighted to serve in that way! Lord, help us overcome guilt and lies when we have to say no, and instead trust and pray that you would send your laborers to the harvest. What an honor to serve your Bride in ways that refresh us. We thank you for the opportunity. In Jesus’ name, we pray, amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Motortion
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Originally published Thursday, 17 August 2023.
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