Healing from Harsh and Hateful Words - iBelieve Truth - March 5, 2024

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21, ESV 

Dr. Dan Allender wrote in his book, To Be Told, that every person is assigned a name and a story that defines their place in their family and the world. Sadly, sometimes, families forsake the honor of speaking life over each other and assign harsh and hateful names and stories to one another instead.

I’ve sat in enough rooms to know many of us resonate with this experience. We were called "unwanted," "unworthy," and "unlovable." Often, these names are reinforced by the mistreatment or neglect of those closest to us. What was meant to be an environment where we could grow and thrive turned into a place where we wilted. The people who were meant to protect and guide us caused or allowed harm to happen and misled us. 

I want you to know if those horrible, harsh, and hateful words have been spoken over you that God takes this very seriously. The warning is clear in Proverbs that those who use their words to tear others down will eat the fruit of that decision. A warning that makes me shudder because I know I have also allowed hurtful words to escape my lips. We all have fallen short of God’s glorious standard for our words (Romans 3:23). 

Jesus also knows what it feels like to be rejected and misunderstood by others. So, we can trust Him to show us the path toward healing and a better way to use our words. Remember that the words others speak over us are always a reflection of them more than they are ever of us. Let’s not allow ourselves to inflict more harm by continuing to call ourselves the ugly and unkind words others might have called us. 

In Christ, we are a new creation. Not only does He heal and redeem every word said against us in malice. He gives us a new name. 

We are not unworthy; we are worth dying for (John 3:16).

We are not unwanted; God desires to be with us and rejoices over us (Zephaniah 3:17). 

We are not unlovable; we are His beloved children (1 John 3:1). 

The inverse is true in the Proverb from our key verse: the tongue also holds the power of life! God has spoken so many life-giving words and identity statements over His children. Over you! Friend, let’s agree to allow the Word of God to be weightier than the fickle words of flawed humans.

In Revelation 2:17, John tells readers that in heaven, God will give us a name that no one knows except the one who receives it. God knows our story and our name. He knows because He has a plan for our place in the eternal family and His world. May we answer to who God says we are and live according to the life-giving words He wrote to describe us. Finally, may we use our words to speak life, not death, to those around us. 

Let’s pray:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for Your example. You used your words to breathe life into all creation. You spoke a Word and formed plants, stars, and people. You left loving words for us to read about how you loved us so much that you left heaven to pursue a relationship with us. Your words also heal the places where others have used their words to crush and harm us. Lord, they have called us by names that do not align with who you say we are. Jesus, help us to forgive them. Help us to grieve those instances and think the thoughts you want us to think about those harsh and hateful words. Jesus, forgive us for the harmful ways we have used our words to speak death over others. God, show us where we need to repair ruptures in our relationships. Thank you that you are working on all these stories to reconcile all things back to you. Lord, help us to live up to the names you have given us in your Word and the final name you assign to your Bride who endures to the end. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

Ashley Moore is a writer and host of be the two™podcast. She is known for her relatability and for passionately writing and speaking about mental, emotional, and relational health from a biblical worldview. She has written for Kingdom Edge Magazine, Guideposts, Crosswalk, The Secret Place, enLIVEn, The Bubbling Brook and more. If Ashley isn't writing, you can find her with her husband, three children, and two floppy-eared Goldens on their south Georgia farmland. The best way to connect with Ashley is to grab a free devotional or Bible study and join her newsletter at free.ashleynicolemoore.com.

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