"Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda]." - Proverbs 27:6 AMP
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, especially since the door had barely closed behind my friend as she stepped outside to take a phone call.
Time seemed to slow as the friend still sitting across from me delivered a subtle—and surprisingly sharp—jab at the woman who had just left. Until that moment, I had always assumed the two of them got along just fine. Whenever we were together, nothing suggested otherwise.
But there it was.
She wrapped the insult in artificial sweetness and followed it with a laugh, as though disguising cruelty as humor somehow made it harmless. Like a cherry-coated rotten prune.
I felt my face tighten before I could stop it. From the flicker in her eyes, I could tell she immediately realized I wasn’t going to laugh along. Maybe she was embarrassed. Maybe she had expected me to join in.
Either way, I wouldn’t.
No matter how “funny” she thought the comment was, she was denigrating our mutual friend behind her back. And I had no intention of easing her discomfort or pretending the remark was benign just to make the moment less awkward.
I wonder if she talks about me this way when I’m not around? The thought nestled itself in my mind as I rehearsed similar comments this friend had made about other friends.
My face felt hot, and I knew I had to say something. Backbiting is a major boundary violation in my friendship handbook. If you have an issue with someone I care about, address it with them—but don’t recruit me into a conversation they aren’t present to defend themselves in.
I assumed the conversation would be uneventful. I’d tell this friend how her comments made me feel. She’d make up an excuse but eventually apologize. We’d move on.
Nope.
When I brought it up, she insisted I had misunderstood what she meant. But I knew I hadn’t. She spent the next five minutes gaslighting me before I finally cut in. I knew, in that moment, our friendship had veered off course, and the road back grew harder to see. Not just because of what she did, but because she refused to acknowledge it. To make matters worse, she tried to make it seem like I was the one to blame.
A Faithful Friend
The Amplified Bible describes a faithful friend. Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda] Proverbs 27:6.
As I recall the situation with my former friend, I see this verse in perfect context. Faithful friends don’t just tell you what you want to hear; they tell you what you need to hear. You may be familiar with the term “frenemy”—one who poses as a friend while behaving more like an enemy. The second part of this Scripture speaks to that kind of relationship. Kisses or flattery can be deceitful when coming from the lips of a frenemy.
Friendship Boundaries to Live By
A major part of my work as a speaker and marriage coach centers on boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, boundaries aren’t just for troubled or unhealthy relationships. Boundaries are essential for all relationships. A boundary is a limit, a line, a demarcation of where one person begins and another ends. Boundaries help people understand your values and teach people how to treat you.
Boundaries protect what is good within a relationship while helping to keep out what could damage it. They create space for trust, respect, honesty, and emotional safety to flourish.
And how someone responds to your boundaries can reveal the health of the relationship. A healthy friend will respect your boundaries. When someone repeatedly dismisses, rejects, or ignores reasonable boundaries, it may be time to reconsider the health and validity of that friendship.
There are many friendship boundaries that I live by. These “rules of engagement” help to protect and preserve my relationships. Here are a few of the friendship boundaries I live by:
- Gossiping - I don’t gossip about my friends. When someone chooses to gossip about one of my friends, they’ve crossed a boundary, and I will let them know that’s not how I do friendship. Boundaries dictate how you act in a relationship, not how others act.
- Honesty - What is a relationship if it’s built on lies? Ephesians 4:25 puts it this way: So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors [friends] the truth, for we are all parts of the same body (NLT).
- Loyalty - The Bible teaches a lot about loyalty. When I think of a loyal friend, it’s not only the “I’ll help you hide the body” types. We all love those, but I also think of friends who stand up for me when I’m not around. The best test of loyalty in friendship is to watch how your friends treat others when they aren’t around.
- Support - Most of us have, at one time or another, experienced what I call a lopsided friendship. You know—when you’re the one who initiates, shows up, encourages, etc., while the other person sits back and happily receives. Healthy friendships are reciprocal, not transactional.
Listen to: How these Boundaries Protect Your Opposite-Sex Friendships
Jesus, the Boundary Keeper
Unfortunately, some believe Jesus didn’t live by boundaries—as if He were some unfortunate pushover who didn’t know His worth. As I read the Scriptures, however, I see the opposite. Jesus was a good steward of all He was entrusted with: His time, talent, and treasures.
There were times He said no, withdrew from people, and spoke directly when someone’s behavior or thinking was out of alignment. Remember, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”? He wasn’t speaking to an enemy, but to one of his closest disciples and friends, Peter (see Matthew 16:23).
Loving others doesn’t mean losing yourself. It also doesn't mean staying quiet when your values are trampled on. Jesus perfectly models love and limits. Our salvation is the best example of all. Jesus calls us His friends (see John 15:15), and because of His great love for us, He offers a way to receive God’s forgiveness, overcome sin, and live eternally. However, his love doesn’t supersede His limits. Some will deny Jesus, devalue His sacrifice, and, hence, determine their eternal fate—eternal separation from Him. Love has limits.
How to Set Boundaries with Friends
For a boundary to work, it must be communicated. Don’t assume the people in your life know your limits. I’ve found one of the best ways to communicate my boundaries is to live them. Hence, I must not gossip. I must be honest, loyal, and supportive. In essence, I have to walk my talk. Then, I can find a natural way to explain my boundaries.
Then, when a boundary is crossed, you can confidently point to your own behavior. For example, “I don’t gossip about my friends.” Simple as that. You aren’t telling someone else what they can or can’t do, but you are communicating what you will and won’t do. For boundaries to work, there must be a consequence when they are violated. In our example, because my friend wouldn’t take responsibility for her actions, she lost access to our friendship. It’s not mean, rude, or self-righteous to enforce a boundary.
Healthy friendships require healthy people. Setting boundaries in friendship is healthy. The next time a friend makes you uncomfortable, or you find yourself doing or saying something you shouldn’t, ask yourself if a boundary has been violated. If so, be like Jesus and learn to love with limits.
Let's pray ...
Father,
Please teach me how to be a better friend. Thank you for purposefully placing people in my life. Help me to navigate every relationship and conversation with grace that brings glory to you. Bless my life with flourishing friendships.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.
What truth from today’s devotional is God using to encourage your heart? Share your reflection and join our conversation in the iBelieve Truth Devotional Forum.
Feel like digging a little deeper? Here is a wonderful resource to meet you right where you are. 9 Prayers to Gain a Heart for Heaven + Daily Prayer Journal
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sabrina Bracher
Related Resource: The Blind Spots Hurting Your Relationships
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with licensed professional counselor and bestselling author Debra Fileta for an honest and insightful conversation about the relationship blind spots many of us don’t realize we have. Together, they explore how emotional patterns, past wounds, and unrecognized habits can quietly shape the way we connect with others.
Debra shares practical wisdom on how to grow in self-awareness, strengthen communication, and take ownership of the ways we impact the people we love. Whether you’re dating, married, leading others, or simply wanting healthier relationships, this episode offers hope-filled tools to help you break unhealthy cycles and build deeper connection.
If you’ve ever wondered why relationships can feel harder than they should—or how to become a healthier version of yourself—this conversation is for you. Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Monday, 02 November 2026.
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