At the Crossroads of Faith and Heartache
By Belinda Mills
“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in Him.” Psalm 34:8 KJV
Human circumstances are powerful crossroads in the life of God’s children. Circumstance is the place where God reaches out His Hand and says to our human heart “Can you trust me with this?” In those moments, we have a choice. Walk by faith and trust Him or choose to walk by sight and lead ourselves into heartache.
Six years ago, I found myself wrestling a circumstance. My son, 16 at the time, had decided to leave home. He was unhappy with my rules and choices. He was moving out and I was broken. I called the police hoping to force him to come home. I realized God was speaking the same words as the officer, “You can force him to come home but you cannot make him stay.”
So the heartache began. Nothing had ever hurt like this and I dove into a test of faith through the door of heartache. The accusations of the enemy began to flood my mind-
You’re an awful mother! He hates you!
God can’t hear you. God doesn’t care.
You’ve spent too much time in ministry and not enough time with him.
You will never see him again as long as you live.
You are not good enough.
Crushed by the weight of heartache and fear, I begged God over and over to bring him home. After a year of fighting myself, my son, and God I came to the place of surrender. I was sitting in a church pew and the altar call began. I felt the Lord ask me to come to sit with Him. I ran to that altar with tears streaming down my face. I sat broken and poured out at the Feet of the Lord.
He held me until no words would come-just a flood of tears that God heard as clearly as any words I have ever spoken. He whispered to my heart, “I know you love him but not as much as I do. Give him to me. Trust me.” That moment I laid my son at His feet and I stood with peace in my soul. I was so taken by the Lord that the outcome no longer mattered. I knew I could trust Him.
A year later, I prayed for my son as I do every day. I told the Lord that I knew my prayers about him coming home were probably not going to be answered. He was eighteen and he would likely move out of my sister’s home into an apartment of his own or into a dorm if he chose to go to college. I felt complete peace. I said to the Lord, “You know better than me. I’m fine with Your choice.”
Later, my phone rang. It was Will. I said, “Hello.” And his voice sang to my heart as he said, “Mom, can I come home?” Tears flooded my eyes, “Of course you can come home! If I have a home, you have a home-forever!”
I saw the manifestation of the Father who loves His children so perfectly. He knew the desire of my heart. He loves our people more than we do. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed are you when you trust Him with your outcomes.
Purposefully give your circumstance to Him today.
Dear Jesus, I place this in Your Hands and I am confident that You know the outcome that is best. In Jesus’s Name. Amen
© 2019 by Belinda Mills. All rights reserved.
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